Casey Kasem’s Body Is Missing And I Wonder Who Has It? Hmmmmm……

It’s been a little over a month since Casey Kasem’s soul floated out of his body and he finally got away from the craziness between his crazy daughter and crazy wife, and in that time you’d think that his family would press pause on the crazy to lay him to rest. But anybody who thought that doesn’t know the kind of crazy shit that Jean Kasem is capable of. The gold digging Amazonian dark goddess re-charges her black orb of a heart by sucking in the pain of Casey Kasem’s family. TMZ says that Casey’s body is missing and everyone thinks that the manifestation of evil (seen above at the Emmys looking like a Mordor Betsy Johnson) has it.

Jean is currently being investigated by the Santa Monica PD for elder abuse. Jean pulled Casey out of a Santa Monica convalescent home when he was down and out and dragged him all around the West. A judge ordered that an autopsy be done on Casey’s body, because the Santa Monica PD needs the results for their investigation. But the day before a judge ordered the autopsy, Jean removed Casey’s body from the funeral home. Sources tell TMZ that only Jean knows where Casey’s body is and nobody can track her down. Casey’s daughter Kerri Kasem thinks that Jean left the country. Jean listed “Jerusalem” as her current address on Casey’s death certificate. Yeah, so she could be in Jerusalem, because the Middle East isn’t going through enough right now.

What in Weekend at Bernie’s HELL?

So if you’re in Jerusalem and see an 8 foot tall giant of insanity dragging a man in a wrinkled suit and sunglasses behind her while telling everyone that he had a little too much Manischewitz wine to drink, don’t make eye contact with it and immediately scream for Scooby Doo or the Ghostbusters or a demon exorcising rabbi.

The moral of this story is: If you marry crazy, crazy will terrorize you when you’re alive and terrorize you after you’re dead by tying your limbs together with piano wire before dragging you all around the world. “That’s sounds rather romantic, actually.” – Spalding from AHS: Coven

Casey Kasem Has Died At The Age Of 82

On this depressing Father’s Day Sunday, we’re all making sad long distance dedications to Casey Kasem (born name: Kemal Amin Kasem ) who is now up in Heaven. Casey’s daughter Kerri Kasem announced on Facebook this morning that the world has lost the velvet-voiced radio legend who taught us all that 40 comes after 39 and 39 comes after 38 and 38 comes after, shit, I forgot, because Casey’s not here to tell me!

CNN says that Casey died at 3:25 this morning at St. Anthony’s Hospital in Gig Harbor, Washington. Casey had been suffering from Parkinson’s, Lewy body disease and his family’s ridiculous bullshit for a long time. Before Casey took his last breath, he was surrounded by his family and friends including his gold digging batshit crazy wife Jean Kasem and his Scientologist daughter Kerri Kasem. No word if raw ground beef made an encore performance on Kerri’s face. Kerri left this message on Facebook this morning:

Early this Father’s Day morning, our dad Casey Kasem passed away surrounded by family and friends. Even though we know he is in a better place and no longer suffering, we are heartbroken. Thank you for all your love, support and prayers. The world will miss Casey Kasem, an incredible talent and humanitarian; we will miss our Dad.
With love, Kerri, Mike and Julie.

Casey started his road to being a radio icon in the 1950s. Casey was drafted into the army and sent to Korea where he DJ’d a show on the Armed Forces Radio Korea Network. After he left the army, Casey worked for radio stations in San Francisco, Oakland, Buffalo, Cleveland and L.A. before he became the voice of American Top 40 in 1970. Casey hosted the American Top 40 for over 30 years before handing the mic over to Ryan Seacrest in 2004. And Shaggy from Scooby Doo is now mute and he’ll never say “ZOINKS!” again, because Casey was his voice.

Here’s my favorite Casey Kasem moment of all-time. “I want somebody to use his fucking brain to not come out of a goddamned record that’s uptempo and I’ve gotta talk about a dog dying” is Casey’s “We’ll do it live!”

Rest in peace, Casey…..

And now the world is left with Ryan Seacrest.

Jean Kasem Is Being Investigated For Elder Abuse

Yesterday the messy, sloppy, low-down dirty Casey Kasem family saga played out in a courtroom in Downtown Los Angeles when blonde Amazonian goddess full of crazy Jean Kasem tried to stop his three oldest children from controlling his medical care. Kerri Kasem and her brother and sister wanted the authority to tell their father’s doctors to stop feeding him artificial nutrition and water, because his doctor believes that it’s just dragging out his death and putting him through more pain. Jean Kasem wants to keep Casey alive and doesn’t want to cut off his food and water supply, because he can still communicate nonverbally and probably because she still hasn’t been able to get him to sign an updated version of his will that leaves everything to her. The Kasem kids won yesterday’s fight and strangely enough, Jean didn’t respond to the judge’s ruling by making Hamburger Helper out of Kerri’s face while screaming words from the Bible. Crazy bitch is losing her touch.

CNN says that the judge reversed his own decision and sided with Kerri. After the judge’s ruling, Kerri said that she’s only doing what her father wants. In 2007, Casey signed a statement saying that if he should ever end up in a state where he can’t do shit on his own and there’s no hope for him to do shit on his own, he doesn’t want to be kept alive. Of course, Jean is pissed off and outside of the courthouse, her lawyer Steve Haney, who for some reason always looks like he’s inhaling fumes out of a bull’s ass (hmmm, I wonder why?), told reporters that the judge’s ruling is nothing but a death sentence.

Kerri’s lawyer Troy Martin said that Casey is in a Washington hospital and his kids have invited their ground-beef wasting evil stepmonster to join them for his final moments.

TMZ says that even though Kerri (Side note: Yes, every time I type the word “Kerri,” I say “is sooo very” out loud.) invited Jean to be with Casey before he takes the 40 steps up to heaven, she is still coming for her stepbitch. The Santa Monica PD started investigating Jean Kasem for elder abuse after Kerri called them. Up until last month, Casey was in a Santa Monica convalescent home. But because Jean has pure insanity running through her veins, she pulled Casey out of that hospital and dragged him all around the West to get him away from his older kids. Jean dragged Casey to Nevada, then to Arizona, then back to Nevada and finally she flew him to Washington to stay with a friend. Kerri and her sister followed Jean to Washington and that’s where the ground beef battle royale (that kind of sounds delicious) went down. Kerri has medical documents that claim Casey got a bedsore during his forced road trip of insanity and the bedsore eventually got infected.

I figured that Jean Kasem would eventually be investigated by the police for committing ear, eyes and soul abuse for her work in The Tortellis, but elder abuse?! Who knew that the glorious vision of elegance who brought glamour to my eyes in Cheers would turn out to be a demonic Anna Nicole who wastes raw hamburger meat and practically held an American legend hostage?

Here’s Jean looking like Brigitte Nielsen as a Robert Palmer girl from HELL while standing outside of the courthouse with her hot lawyer yesterday.

Pics: Splash

Casey Kasem’s Gold Digging Amazon Goddess Wife Threw Raw Hamburger Meat At His Daughter While Quoting The Bible

The ridiculous battle over Casey Kasem between his gold digging psycho bitch of a wife Jean Kasem and his children from his first marriage reached DEFCON levels of insanity yesterday when that 5’10” tower of crazy threw raw hamburger meat at his daughter and she did so in the name of King James! Game of Thrones can kindly take a seat in the back until further notice, because they keep trying it, but they have nothing on the Sunday night family theatrics that the Kasems pull.

As most of you know, Casey Kasem is not doing well and while he can’t speak and is suffering from Lewy body dementia, his wallet-humping second wife, Loretta Tortelli from Cheers, has been fighting 3 of his adult kids for control of his care. Jean wasn’t even letting Casey’s kids see him and three weeks ago she moved him out of a Santa Monica care facility to a friend’s house in Washington to get him further away from his children. But according to NBC News, on Friday, a judge in Kitsap County, Washington declared that Casey’s daughter Kerri Kasem can visit her dad once a day and she can take him to the hospital if she feels like it’s necessary. Kerri claims that Casey’s doctor told her that he’s got bed sores and has infections in his lungs. So on Sunday, Kerri showed up with an ambulance and that’s when the raw hamburger meat hit the fan.

Jean didn’t let the paramedics in and the cops were called. Around that time, Jean Kasem hit Kerri Kasem with a glob of raw hamburger meat. You know, suddenly I’m jealous of Kerri Kasem, because I wish I was hit with some raw meat this weekend. That isn’t even the craziest part. Jean later told NBC News she smacked a trick with meat in the name of King David:

“In the name of King David, I threw a piece of raw meat into the street in exchange for my husband to the wild rabid dogs.”

God, Jesus and his disciples are not having a good week. First, they get blamed for that crazy bride tying her baby to her dress and now they get blamed for Jean Kasem wasting some good raw hamburger meat. I don’t know if the crazy bride and Jean are just crazy (yes, they are) or if Jesus is just trolling humanity to see how far we’ll go.

Paramedics were eventually allowed into the house and they took Casey to the hospital.

When we were all younger and the soothing velvet voice of Casey Kasem softly brushed up against our ear tunnels, did we ever think he’d spend his final days lying in a half-vegetative state as his gold digging banshee wife chucks ground chuck at his Scientology daughter?

And the video from yesterday outside of the house in Washington is every layer of nuts. It has everything: a screeching Jean, a biker gang and EMTs trying not to pay attention to the crazy.