True story: It was rainy and overcast in London today and just when everyone was about to sing (in their best Alanis Morissette voice), “It’s like raaaaaaaain on your wedding day,” to Meghan Markle, the clouds cleared, the sky turned blue and then sun came out when Oprah appeared!
Oprah was one of the first to show up at St. George’s Chapel for the royal wedding today, which made many brains poot out a “Que?” There’s a rumor that Oprah interviewed Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland, so some think that’s why she was invited to the wedding. But excuse you, while us regular humans may need an invitation to attend something like the royal wedding, Oprah doesn’t. Oprah just shows up and sits wherever she wants. I’d like to see one of those tricks ask Oprah if they can see her invitation. Their skin would end up embedded into the concrete after a lightning bolt from the heavens flattened them.
Oprah pretty much led the non-stop parade of stars that made it through that church today. There were so many celebrities that I thought diabolical red carpet gnome Ryan Seacrest was going to pop up with a mic to asks guests who they’re wearing, I mean, ask them awkwardly worded questions about #MeToo. Warning: Lots of celebrities went to today’s wedding so there’s lot of pictures to scroll through. So stretch your finger, put a workout belt on it, and keep a bottle of water handy for when it gets the heated sweats halfway through and needs to cool off.
Netflix is getting into the motion picture game, and it’s betting big (aka $12.5 million smackeroos) on a period drama in hopes it will win over OSCAH voters. Mudbound, for one, is prominently populated with the ladies both in front of and behind the camera. Mary J. Blige and Carey Mulligan are among its stars, and Dee Rees directs. Variety sat down with the three ladies to talk about the film, which led to Carey talking about a certain 1920s period piece.
Almost three years ago, human jewel Tim Curry had a major stroke that left him in a bad way. Since then, humanity has been asking “Where the hell is Tim Curry to show these bitches how it’s really done?” and I think I asked that question out loud while watching Christopher Walken in NBC’s Peter Pan Live! Tim Curry has been laying low and recovering with the help of physical therapy. At last night’s Actors Fund Tony Awards Viewing Party in Los Angeles, Tim Curry rolled onto the red carpet to receive a lifetime achievement award for his contributions to making ass lips pucker by swishing, swaying and serving pure talent in Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Worst Witch, etc… etc…
Tim, who’s my favorite age (69), still has to use a wheelchair to get around, but he told Los Angeles Magazine during an interview about his lifetime achievement award from the Actors Fund that he’s doing okay.
Since your stroke you have made limited public appearances. How are you doing and are you looking forward to the Actors Fund event?
I’m doing well and I’m looking forward to it. I’ve done a few benefits for the Actors Fund and I think it’s a marvelous organization. I hope not to have to use it.
How important is your sense of humor to you?
Vital. Absolutely vital. It’s not tough to maintain. It is just part of my DNA.
When I woke up this morning, I saw all these headlines about how Tim Curry was honored at the Tonys. I drunkenly watched every single second of the Tonys (because as a gay dude who once lived in NYC I like to play a game of “Oh Shit, My Friend Totally Blew That One Chorus Boy In A Gay Bar Bathroom” while watching it) and I didn’t remember Tim Curry showing up at all. I almost looked up information for the nearest AA group, because I obviously have a problem if booze ate my memory of seeing a legend like Tim Curry at the Tonys. But after injecting coffee directly into my brain, I realized he was at a Tony viewing party. Tim should’ve been at the actual Tonys, though. They should’ve cut that ship wreck of a Finding Neverland performance and let Tim sing a Rocky Horror/Annie/The Worst Witch/Spamalot medley as he descended from above in his wheelchair. That’s what the Tonys needed.
Here’s a few more pictures of Tim Curry at the Actors Fund Tony Viewing Party. I also threw in a million pictures from the actual Tonys of Bernadette Peters, Chita Rivera and other Broadway legends like Gigi Hadid, Ashley Greene and that model who got naked in a Robin Thicke video.
I can only imagine the disappointed thoughts Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are telepathically communicating to each other as they watch people walk the Met Gala red carpet. If had to guess, it was probably something along these lines:
“So much nude illusion fabric. And the sequins – so many sequins. I think I’m going to be sick.”
“I too am feeling ill, sister. Fetch me a fainting squirrel, I shall need to lie down.”
The Met Gala really isn’t the Met Gala until fashion’s creepiest pocket goths make an appearance. I was excited to see if they would wear something in keeping with the theme, but of course they didn’t. DUH! Mary Kate and Ashley showed up in the same floor-length body-swallowing black sadness sacks they always wear. I’m sure there’s a high-fashion word for whatever they’re wearing, but I’m scared I can’t afford to even look it up online. Whatever they’re wearing, I’m sure it’s very expensive and was made from the finest of endangered spider hairs and antique mourning lace.
Or maybe they’re dressed all in black as a not-so-subtle “You are DEAD to us” message to John Stamos.
And here’s what feels like everyone else from last night, but is really just 1/98th of the people there. Fucking everyone went to that Met Gala. I bet the rats behind Guy Fieri’s restaurant got dressed up in little rat-sized tuxedos and went too. Anyway, most were pretty boring, but some people brought it. AnnE Hathaway looked like a shimmery tapeworm, Dakota Johnson looked like the backsplash tile model from a home improvement show, and Anna Wintour looked like a street corner sign waver mascot for an opium den (don’t worry, I barely know what that means either).
The Hillary Clinton biopic is actually happening….
When it was announced that a biopic about Hillary Clinton’s early years in the political game is going to be made, names like ScarJo, Jessica Chastain and Emma Stone were thrown around as possibilities to play young Hillary. Jessica Chastain quickly said that she’s not going to play young Hillary so Bill Clinton can stop texting her to see if she needs a little private coaching to really get into the part (and by that he means he wants to get into her parts). So that leaves ScarJo and Emma Stone, but The Hollywood Reporter says that neither of them are the director’s first choice. THR’s source says that director James Ponsoldt is meeting with Carey Mulligan about playing Hillary in his movie Rodham.
Apparently, the producer and James really want Carey and Carey really wants to play HillPuppy. THR describes Rodham like this:
The indie drama portrays Rodham as a young lawyer on the committee involved in President Richard Nixon’s impeachment, and her juggling a diverging career path with her unresolved feelings for future president Bill Clinton.
If Rodham is 2 full hours of young Hillary looking sad, confused, scared, cold and vulnerable (you know, like she really has to pee, but she’s not going to because she’s expecting the police to call to tell her if they found her lost puppy or not), then Carey Mulligan will nail it!
The Brits are taking all the American parts! They took Batman, Superman, Lincoln and now they’re taking Hillary. The only way to even things out is if Rojo Caliente plays Prince Hot Ginge in a biopic (please somebody make this happen).
And I said this in Afternoon Crumbs the other day, but I’m going to say it again. The only person who should play Hillary Clinton is La Pequeña.
Hell, just release that video as the official Hillary Clinton biopic and call it a day.
If your eyeballs haven’t turned into stone balls from staring deep into Sarah Jessica Parker’s crotch (“I haven’t even stared at the Crotch of Sauron” – Matthew Broderick), then slow clap for her Iggy Pop-looking ass, because she took the night’s theme of “punk” and galloped away with it. She looks like vomit and diarrhea from a punk sprayed against a velvet plaid sofa and that headpiece looks like a fancy horse’s idea of a mohawk. Spartacus just wants to hop on her back and together they’ll lead the slave uprising against the Roman Republic! Bitch went hard, looks a wreck and I love it.
And here’s pictures just 1/100th of the bitches who showed up to the Met Gala tonight and completely pulled an opposite SJP by ignoring the theme. In order: Kate Upton (didn’t try), Jennifer Lawrence (didn’t try), Gavin Rossdale (semi-tried), Gwen Stefani (probably tried but gave up and threw napkins on her bod instead), Carey Mulligan (didn’t try), JLo (didn’t try, should’ve been escorted to the exit), Kristen Stewart (semi-tried, because looking like an embroidered used tampon is sort of punk rock), Katy Perry (um, did any of these hos know what the theme was?) and the Queen of the Death Eaters.