Cardi B is hurting hard. It seems that the need to be a thin and beautiful celebrity is causing dual damage. Not only did Cardi have to put her body through liposuction so that she could be skinny, but now said liposuction is causing complications for her. It’s an endless circle of pain! Rich people problems, amirite? It’s so bad that now her cosmetic surgery has taken her out of the game and she has pulled out of a Memorial Day weekend show.
Why do I get the feeling the cast and crew of Fresh Off The Boat just started an open text chain with the cast and crew of Hustlers, and that text chain is about to be filled with the eye-rolling emoji and the words “Oh, I KNOW.” If this story from Page Six is correct, then my guess about everyone shit-talking over text might be too.
Believe it or not, but a famous person actually underwent plastic surgery. That’s not the story here, the story is that the famous person actually admitted it and didn’t instead tell everyone she got that body from pilates and The Whole 30. During her set, Cardi B told the crowd at the Beale Street Music Festival in Memphis last weekend that she just had lipo done. And she did it in the most Cardi way possible.
Cardi B is reminding every girl that just because you have your period doesn’t mean you have to miss a party! You can just show up as your period, put some rubies on your nipples and make Aunt Flow your bitch.
Cardi B has already given us political commentary, financial advice, and tips on larceny. And she’s ready to show us more of her expertise: Medical knowledge. Cardi nearly flashed her B (that’s either B for butt or B for bagina, depending on who you ask) at last night’s Billboard Music Awards. And after fans talked about it, she decided to give a quick lesson on the placement of a woman’s ass versus her vagina, which–according to some of my girlfriends–some guys have trouble telling apart.
You know when someone asks you a question so bizarre and ridiculous that it’s like they said it in Braille or you think you might have gone deaf? That’s exactly the moment Cardi B experienced at Swisher Sweets’s 2019 Spark Award Party in West Hollywood on Friday night when Marc Malkin of Variety asked her if she’d ever make up with intended human shoe rack and arch-nemesis Nicki Minaj and perform with her.