Fashion legend and salty bitch Karl Lagerfeld died yesterday, and I think it may be the only time we ever see Anna Wintour shed a tear since she’s now the undisputed Queen B of fashion. Oh, wait. Choupette is still alive. Better luck next time, Anna. Most celebs did what celebs do best, and that’s to use a death to show off themselves rocking a certain lewk and casually mention how devastated they are in a mild tone-deaf caption – but not Jameela Jamil!
She used Karl’s death day to say she wouldn’t be wasting any minutes mourning someone who once called Adele fat and said Kim Kardashian only had herself to blame for her Parisian robbery. Cara Delevingne, a Chanel muse, then had to wade in and defend Kunty Karl.
Somehow, I don’t think things are so rosy in the Gisele Bundchen–Tom Brady household. For the second year in a row, Kendall Jenner tops the lists of money-making models. Someone better not tell Naomi Campbell, or her laser-eyed wrath will be all over the Kardashian Koven! For someone who is oh-so-selective with the jobs (minus this one) Kris Jenner forces upon her, she sure is making a ton of cash from it. Kendall tops the list with $22.5 million made. Gisele tumbled down to number 5!
Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s all-star royal wedding spectacular may have been stuffed full of more celebrities than the damn Met Gala, and brought out the likes of The Mighty O and Tom Hardy, who became all of us by falling asleep with his eyes open. But Princess Eugenie had Naomi Campbell on her wedding guest list today. The St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle was probably filled with the clickity clack sounds of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan furiously pounding away at their iPhones while rage-texting their wedding guest booker for not getting them THEE Naomi Campbell.
The Daily Mail posted a pap pic of seriously-eyebrowed model Cara Delevigne, 25, kissing up on Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris Jackson, 19, outside of Los Angeles steakhouse Carlito’s on Thursday night. Reportedly on a double date with Paris’ godfather Macaulay Culkin, Cara and Paris, who met at last year’s MTV Movie Awards, smooched outside and did a cute little paparazzi-lurin’ dance. This might seem to confirm the rumors that they’ve been dating. But, nay, People quotes a source (I’m guessing Gramma Katherine Jackson because she probably clutched the pearls and died twice when saw the pics) as saying they’re not.
That memory you have from yesterday of you deep throating two charbroiled hot dogs as your friend lit a sparkler that was stuck in your asshole in the name of freedom is just a figment of your imagination. That didn’t happen, because Fourth of July didn’t happen. There were no fireworks. There were no BBQs. There was no family party where your auntie got drunk on Svedka and La Vie (aka Aldi’s bootleg La Croix) while dropping it low on the concrete patio to Night Ranger’s (You Can Still Rock) In America. None of that happened yesterday because Fourth of July got canceled since it seems like Taylor Swift didn’t throw her annual Taymerica extravaganza. Every bald eagle is probably drowning in a puddle of their own tears while in the fetal position on the ground somewhere.
But in Backdoor Farrah’s defense, she’d look like an embarrassing and desperate mess even if she didn’t show up to the MTV Movie & TV Awards in a costume found in the section marked “For Trashy Attention Whores Who Want Quick Attention” at the Haus of Cultural Appropriation.