Category: Cannes 2016

Here’s Katy Perry Giving You Some Silk Flower Arrangement Realness At The AmfAR Gala

May 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Last night, amfAR’s annual Cinema Against AIDS Gala happened in Cannes, and Katy Perry showed up looking like the mother of the bride if the bride was the red dress cha cha dancing emoji. I’m sure Katy’s dress is very ~expensive~ and is handcrafted from only the finest of materials, but for some reason it’s setting off my Michaels craft store radar. “‘For some reason” – listen to me, acting like it has nothing to do with the $80 worth of silk peony petals attached to her body.

I used to be obsessed with fake flowers. Maybe it was because I watched so much Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous while my 6-year-old brain was still developing. Although I have no idea what episode triggered by silk flower obsession. My obsession with wigs, however – that definitely happened during the Raquel Welch episode. Regardless of when it happened, I used to collect fake flowers and I thought they were so glamorous and high class. Placing a single plastic-stemmed rose on my book shelf truly added an instant touch of elegance to my collection of Baby-Sitters Club books. So as much as I want to laugh at Katy’s dress and make a joke about how it looks like something that was stolen out of a repurposed Snapple bottle vase in the bathroom of a budget banquet hall, I just can’t. My love of fake flowers won’t let me.

Here’s more of Katy Perry, and everyone else who was at the amfAR Gala. Thanks to Uma Thurman, we now know what it would look like if Day-To-Night Barbie quit her job to focus solely on the Night part.

Pics: Wenn.com

Damn, The Chicken Lady Looks Rough

May 18, 2016 / Posted by:

The red carpet premiere for Kristen Stewart’s second reason for being at Cannes, Personal Shopper, happened last night. And maybe KStew’s Cannes style strategy is that she does the exact opposite of whatever Red Carpet Barbie would do, because this is what she showed up in. I’ve got to slow-clap for KStew, because this look is doing it all. The eyes are fucked, the hair is fucked, the sleeves on that dress look like they’ve been fucked all night and got up for work early. Everything is a mess.

As I joked up top, Kristen is giving me Chicken Lady from The Kids in the Hall, but her look is more than that. It’s like the Chicken Lady if she went back to high school to get her diploma, started hanging out with Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy, who convinces her that they could both make a killing if they dropped out and got into the homemade gasoline business. Of course, it doesn’t work out, so the Chicken Lady is forced to go back to sweeping up hair at a discount salon where the only hairstyle they have to reference comes courtesy of a Tiger Beat from 2002 with NSYNC-era Justin Timberlake on the cover.

The only thing I know about Personal Shopper is that it’s about ghosts and that people booed it when it was screened for critics on Monday. According to The Hollywood Reporter, people liked it a whole lot more last night then they did at the initial screening. Sure, people still booed. But they also apparently gave it a four-and-a-half minute long standing ovation. Then again, they could have just been applauding KStew for showing up to the premiere despite the fact that it looks like she should be back at her hotel trying to kill that pink eye with a bottle of prescription eye drops.

Pics: Wenn.com

Blake Lively Continues Her Cannes Fabric Show

May 15, 2016 / Posted by:

You don’t get more fancy than Cannes, especially when it come to dresses. The stars bring their fashion A game hard. It’s not Cannes without gowns and glitz and sparkle. That’s why I’m so confused about what Blake Lively has been doing while pushing her new Woody Allen pic and her shark movie, The Shallows. Whoever her stylist is needs a crash course in learning that a dress and a piece of fabric are distinctly different.

Allison very aptly called the theme of Blake’s Cannes wardrobe “Fabric Store Fire Saleearlier in the week. Because the bland are reliable, Blake didn’t let us down theme wise at the premiere for Steven Spielberg‘s The BFG with what I’m sure she and her stylist referred to as “the showstopper“. Yet again, this is less a dress and more a roll of fabric from the prom section of that fabric store that’s stocked with irregular fabrics. I see what they were trying to do, some modern, sexy Cinderella shit but it just looks like what it is, some ugly beaded fabric with a train. Unless you’re really gonna go all out Disney villain with a long ass train, don’t try it because it goes from drama to attention seeking. Even with 100 feet of blue drama, Blake’s look is still putting me to sle- Ok. I’m back. Dozed off for a second.

Here’s more of Blake dressing up her baby bump (ugh that phrase):

Pics: Wenn

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Here’s Blake Lively Wearing…Whatever You’d Call This Thing

May 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Blake Lively has two movies to pimp out at Cannes, which means she has a whole lot of fancy costume changes to get through. I don’t know if Blake’s stylist went into this week with a theme in mind, but I’m guessing that if there was one, it was “Fabric Store Fire Sale.” Earlier in the week she wore some dirty mustard silk number embellished with clearance bin ribbons. Before that it was a patched-together pageant gown covered in puce glitter. And today, she showed up to the photo call for her shark movie, The Shallows, in the pastel pink pincushion-looking ensemble you see before you.

I think that thing on her shoulders is leftover curtain fabric. Although I’m sure it’s what the fashion world would call a “titty-framing shoulder drape.” Of course, I may be wrong about it being curtains. There is a chance it’s actually one of Elizabeth Taylor’s casual weekend turbans that Blake bought at an auction and accidentally stretched out six sizes too large after it got twisted around the agitator in the washing machine. Later in the day she showed up to the premiere of Slack Bay wearing an entire Jo-Ann store discount section worth of dusty blue chiffon, pearl beads, and $0.99 iron-on sequin appliqués.

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Michael made a joke yesterday calling Blake “Beige O’Hara“, but really, this look is all Southern Belle debutante. Why do I get the feeling that there’s a wide-brimmed hat covered in silk magnolia blossoms, a parasol with the name “Miss Blake” painted on the handle, and a Judith Leiber clutch bedazzled to look like a ticket to the Kentucky Derby tucked away in a closet somewhere at Blake’s house?

Here’s more of Blake from earlier today. I can’t wait to sew what she wears next. If I know anything about FINAL SALE items from the fabric store, my guess is a dress made from the last bolt of summer weight rayon and a random grey zipper.

Pics: Wenn.com

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At Least Someone Is Having Fun At Cannes

May 12, 2016 / Posted by:

While the cast of Cafe Society is nervously crossing their fingers and hoping that nobody else asks about or makes any jokes about Woody Allen’s alleged gross ways, the cast of Money Monster is apparently having a great time at Cannes. Or maybe they’re just happy that the worst thing they have to deal with are sort-of “Mehreviews. Yesterday, Julia Roberts and George Clooney were caught giggling their asses off at the Money Monster photocall, and today they were doing the same thing at the premiere.

Whatever airline Julia flew to France on clearly lost her bag containing all her fucks, because didn’t have a single one. She was cackling and clinging onto Clooney for stability like she had just hit up the deux-pour-un champagne happy hour at the hotel. About halfway up the red carpet, she kicked off her heels and walked the rest of it barefoot. I guess what I’m trying to say is, Julia knows how to do Cannes right. Even though Julia and George make the cutest couple on the red carpet, she wasn’t actually his date. That honor goes to Amal Clooney, of course, who wore what looks like a dead-ringer for the most expensive gown in the bridesmaid section of David’s Bridal.

69th Cannes Film Festival - 'Money Monster’ - Premiere

I don’t know what George and Amal are looking at, but based on Amal’s ‘restrained horror’ face, I’m going to assume it’s the moment Julia whipped off her shoes. “How frightfully horrible. George, tell that woman to put her footwear back on before I report her to the proper authorities and she’s escorted off the property.

Here’s more from the Money Monster premiere. I’ve also included some pictures of Susan Sarandon, who isn’t in the movie, but looks really good. According to me, at least. Piers Morgan, on the other hand, is probably on the ground unconscious after clutching his pearls so hard he cut off the circulation to his head.

Pics: Wenn.com

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