Tori Spelling is currently pregnant with her and Dean McDermott’s fifth child. Tori loves free shit and she loves to waste her mom’s money, so Candy Spelling threw her a huge, expensive baby shower on February 11th at the Bel Air Hotel. A source tells The Daily Mail that Candy dropped $40,000 on the baby shower, money that probably would have been better spent paying off one of Tori and The Deaner’s many debts. Or paying off Dean’s ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace.
Sources tell Page Six that Mary Jo was “livid” after she learned about the $40,000 baby shower. So livid she needed to zen-out in nature days after it happened, apparently.
Letting his mother-in-law throw a $40,000 baby shower might not have been the smoothest move; Dean reportedly owes Mary Jo thousands of dollars in unpaid child support for their 18-year-old son Jack. Mary Jo is taking The Deaner to court in Los Angeles next month.
Candy Spelling just spent $40,000 on Tori and The Deaner, and so I’m sure he’s going to hit her up for his latest child-related hand out. I bet he’s writing the email right now.
“Yo, whats’s up Candy Cane? Listen, The Deaner needs a financial favor from his favorite sugar grandmama. Turns out Daddy’s been a little greasy in the child support department. I figured since you’re already footing the bill for my other ones, you might help me out with the first one I made. If only The Deaner could get paid for making kids, amiright? PS – throw in a couple extra bucks for me? Taco Bell has this new fried chicken chalupa that I just can’t get enough of!”
Seen above giving you Japanese Chin in the headlights at a UNICEF event last week, Candy Spelling let it be known that she’s not going to release her death grip on the late Aaron Spelling’s fortune to pay her daughter’s long overdue American Express bill. Since it is a year that begins with 2, Tori Spelling is once again injecting craft resin instead of Botox into her mug, because she’s still rich people poor. It’s been reported that Amex has hit Tori with a lawsuit for not paying her bill since June. Tori owes Amex just under $38,000. Tori tried to put a dent in her debt by giving Amex a check for $1,070, but that shit bounced faster than….well…faster than a Tori Spelling check.
Candy Spelling is reportedly worth $600 million so she could easily pull a diamond-encrusted booger out of her nose and use it to pay Tori’s AMEX bill. The monthly HOA fee on Candy Spelling’s $47 million opulent penthouse is probably more than Tori’s Amex bill. But Mama Candy isn’t dropping a cent into Tori’s overdue Amex balance. Candy left a restaurant last night and TMZ stopped her to ask her if she’s going to help a trick out. Candy said that she’s already wearing a Captain-Save-A-Broke-Ho hat, because she makes sure that Tori and her grandkids aren’t going to be homeless by paying for their house and food. Candy covers all of the necessities but she refuses to pay extras. So yeah, Candy is still hitting that red button on her solid gold-covered iPhone every time Tori calls her ass.
Whatever, Tori Spelling doesn’t need her mom’s money. I’m sure that Tori will get a multi-million dollar settlement from that stupid Benihana lawsuit. If that doesn’t happen, she can always pull her kids out of school and make them search the trash cans and dumpsters of Chino Hills for that unclaimed winning Powerball ticket. And if that doesn’t work out for her, she and Dean McDermott can always “leak“ that sex tape of them rubbing their slimy reptile bodies against each other. What am I saying? That could actually happen. SANTO DIOS! Candy, reach into your coin purse and pay Tori’s Amex bill now. Do it for the eyeballs of humanity!
It sounds like humping on useless dicks runs in the family. In her second memoir Candy at Last (couldn’t she have thought of something punnier, like Candy-tails of My Life? Ugh, LAZY) Beverly Hills most glamorous hutt Candy Spelling admits that shortly after her husband Aaron Spelling died in 2006, she began seeing a man named Larry. Unfortunately, the NY Daily News says she had to stop seeing Larry because Larry had a “penile implant” (just writing that gave me the heaves) and refused to power down his android dick. WARNING: I advise you to grab a trash can or a barf bag before reading the next part:
“My bionic man could go on for five or six hours, and there is no woman, middle-aged or otherwise, who wants to have sex for that long. It was like running a marathon.”
She broke up with Mr. “Pump and Dump,” as her girlfriends had cheekily nicknamed him, because he was “getting too attached,” and she just couldn’t stand “those six-hour romps anymore.”
I hear what Candy is saying; no matter how good the dick is, a lack of sleep can fuck with your brain. One time I went two days without so much as a nap and I ended up buying a pair of Crocs, and I wasn’t even getting my judgement pounded out of me through my snatch either. So I can only imagine what kind of next-level questionable shit an exhausted Candy did after breaking up with Larry and his 6 hour dick. She strikes me as the type who would leave unsettling boozy voicemails at 3am.“What the crap, Candy? Stop calling! I’ve got enough Extra Crispy at home, I don’t need any Original Recipe. Besides, I’m more of an In-N-Out guy. YES! Fuckin’ nailed it, Deaner! But seriously, stop calling. Keep it sleazy Mama S.” – The Deaner.