Camille Grammer has always been one of my favorite Housewives. She’s a little bit messy, a little bit bitchy, an accomplished gold digger, she can dance like a drunk Pussycat Doll, and she will also “desecrate“ a bitch who steps out of line. All things I respect. It’s sad to see how the relationship between her and Kelsey Grammer dissolved and continues to be a pile of flaming hot garbage. Well, kind of sad. It also gives her a lot of potential plot lines for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Bring back Camille! Continue reading
Yesterday, the glorious silicone dragon flower of Malibu, Camille Grammer, tweeted about how she was physically abused just a few days after undergoing cancer surgery. Camille didn’t tweet much about her Burning Bed ordeal, but said that the entire story would come out soon. Well, it’s out, courtesy of TMZ.
Camille got a restraining order against her boyfriend of a year, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, after she claims he Chris Brown’d her for almost an hour in a hotel room in Houston, TX. TMZ says in her declaration to the court, Camille says that on October 16th, Camille was recovering in a hotel room after having cancer surgery a few days before. Dimitri, who lives in Texas, was in the room with her when some other woman started filling his phone up with texts at 1:30 in the morning. The texts led to the women calling Dimitri and screaming at him.
When Camille confronted him the screaming lady, his spiral curls filled with rage and he went after her. Camille claims that Dmitri grabbed her by the hair and yanked a clump out when he pulled her head into the headboard. Dmitri smashed her iPhone when she tried to call for help. Dmitri then “squeezed my nose between his finger and pushed upward forcefully, covering my mouth in an attempt to silence me to prevent me from breathing” and repeatedly slammed her face and head into the furniture in the room. As he beat her, he allegedly told her that he was going to give her a reason to call the cops.
Camille kept begging him to stop and it went on for over 40 minutes before he stopped. Dmitri left her on the bed and told her he would knock her out if she moved. Radar says that Camille filed a police report with the Houston PD and gave them pictures of bruises on the side of her head. The judge gave Camille the restraining order and told Dmitri to stay at least 100 yards away from her and her chirrun.
Camille starting dating Dmitri after Kelsey Grammer took their marriage vows, liquefied them in a blender, smeared them all over his wandering peen and used them as lube to fuck a baby into Camille’s replacement. Camille said several times that Dmitri got the Kelsey stench off of her and she’s so happy she found love again. And now this happens!
This isn’t the end, though…
An unsettling cloud of e-cigarette vapor just blew across Dmitri’s eyes and that means it’s only a matter of time before Camille’s greatest and most powerful ally, the medium wonder known as Allison DuBois, destroys him.
Bitch is so rich that her nipples are made of diamonds!
Mushu the Dragon’s twin sister separated at the plastic surgeon’s table will take her tossed salad and scrambled eggs with a side of Beluga caviar and liquid gold foam from now on, thankyouverymuch. Because TMZ says that all three of the mansions Kelsey and Camille Grammer bought while they were married together are on the market and when they’re all sold, she’ll get half of that money. Camille’s half will total around $30 million. TMZ’s source says that Camille is pretty much the Steve Jobs of gold diggers, because when she met Kelsey, he had snorted most of his Cheers and Frasier money up his nose. Camille became the CFO of Kelsey’s life and took whatever money he had left and turned it into a mountain of millions.
I kind of find it hard to believe that Kelsey couldn’t even cough out a dime when he met Camille, but I’m still going to choose to believe it and I’m also going to say that she deserves $30 million and then some. Camille has IBS, so not only did she have to deal with her own shit (literally), but she had to deal with Kelsey’s shit too. If it wasn’t for Camille, Kelsey wouldn’t be doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills and if Kelsey wasn’t doing the backstroke in a pool of hundred dollar bills, his newest gold digging wife wouldn’t be licking on his taint. So when Kelsey’s gold digging wife finishes licking on his taint for spending money, she can lick on Camille’s next!
That tall serving of Greek Yogurt in a nest of luscious curls in the clip above is Dimitri Charalambopoulos, the boyfriend of silicone dragon flower and gold digging hero Camille Grammar. Dimitri Charalambopoulos (try saying that three times without casting a spell or warding off a demon) is currently in the middle of some Halle Berry-approved like custody drama with the girlfriend of his five year old son Marcus. Marcus’ mom Lisa wants to take him to Colorado to live and Dimitri is against it, and so they all have to go to court to work this mess out.
During a taped deposition, Lisa’s lawyers played a voicemail that Camille left her. This goes out to those of you who you who missed seeing Camille’s signature crazy come out during season 2 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Camille’s rant starts at around the 1:50 mark in the clip above and it’s below in reading form if your eyes can’t take the sight of Dimitri finger curling his hair like a Southern ingenue. via Radar:
“If you go to the press, I have lawyers that are beyond what you can imagine and they will pull stuff on you and you will be so mortified about your life and your family and what you have done. You don’t want to do that to Marcus. I will desecrate you, believe me, and that I can do, so be careful what you say and what you do because my defamation attorneys are huge..they will hunt down and research every nook and cranny of your life.”
Lisa better raise the white flag and drop her weapons, because Camille doesn’t mess around and she was a Club MTV dancer. Camille will do The Running Man all over Lisa’s character, then she’ll do the Cabbage Patch through every nook and cranny of Lisa’s life, and just when Lisa thinks she can get away with some of her reputation still intact, Camille will drop The Sprinkler on her! No, I have no idea what I just typed out, but if it made you do the Electric Slide in your office chair, then I’ve done my job.
I know, I know, Camille probably meant to say “decimate,” but do you want her brain filled with useless information like the true definition of words or do you want it filled with the steps for some sweet sweet moves. Or maybe Camille didn’t mean “decimate” at all. Maybe she meant “defecate.” I mean, she does have IBS….
On the first season of The Real Plasticwives of Beverly Hills, the porcelain cartoon dragon wrapped in candle wax that is Camille Grammar was a crazy-eyed beautiful flower of delusion who nearly melted her arch rival Kyle into a puddle with her insane glare before pouring that puddle into the sacks in her chest. On the second season, the sweet feeling of freedom and a pool full of money she got in her divorce from Kelsey Grammar calmed Camille’s craziness and she was suddenly the reasonable voice of reason. Basically, Camille went from GIF-able to boring (but astonishingly gorgeous) as fuck. So because of this, Bravo has decided to let go of these hot, hot, hot moves:
“She’s been in discussions and at the end decided she wasn’t willing to expose her personal life anymore. She’s at peace with her decision. She’s in a great place in her life right now. She’s grown a lot in this past year and she’s made some wonderful friendships [on the show]. It has steered her life in a direction she never imagined. She’s ready for new challenges.”
Camille is a gold digger at heart and you have to pay to get a piece of her pube-singeing dance moves, so I’m guessing that cheap ass Bravo refused to write the correct dollar amount on her paycheck. Good decision, Camille. Camille doesn’t need the money, fame and she really doesn’t need to put her moneymaker (aka her stunning face) in danger, because it’s only a matter of time before Taylor Armstrong self-destructs and blows up sending gallons of Juvederm flying everywhere. It’s Bravo’s loss. I don’t know how they let go of a beauty who smartly uses her fingers to cover up a letter, so it looks like she’s licking on a cup of soft serve jizz.
Talking gay Siamese Cat Andy Cohen made an “I see what you did there” on Watch What Happens Live! last night when he handed Anderson Cooper an electric handjob trainer that most of us know as the Shake Weight. I’m sort of on a semi-mahboobatical, because my fucked-up obsession reached the top levels of insanity and I realized that he was keeping Carrot Top from making more appearances in my fap dreams. So when Andy handed him that Shake Weight, I stuffed a Valium in my peen hole to keep it from exploding off of my crotch while knocking my dormant Mah Boo obsession (mahboobsession?) back into me, but I didn’t need to do that! Because Anderson’s Shake Weighting skills barely registered a 0.00001 on the fap scale. Watch and be prepared to know what it feels like when your genitals frown:
We all know that Anderson can shake a weight with the best of them, because it’s etched into the tiles in the bathroom at Eastern Bloc, but the ho held back. I’m surprised that green Shake Weight didn’t turn blue from the sexual frustration The Silver Fox put it through. I’m sure Horny Bear would say that he’s seen actual silver foxes in the forest handle a Shake Weight better than Anderson did. But you know, I put all the blame on Andy Cohen. Andy should’ve given Anderson a Shake Weight that was olive-colored, covered in throbbing veins and had at least two biceps on it. Give Anderson something to work with!
via Buzzfeed (Thanks to everybody who sent this in)