The day that many thought might never come has come, and convicted pile of awful Bill Cosby was finally in a Pennsylvania court for sentencing today. This would normally be where we’d see plenty of shots of Bill being escorted into court by the human definition of “complicit,” aka his wife of 54 years Camille Cosby. But Camille was nowhere to be found.
There are ostriches that bury their head in the sand like I do anytime someone comes at me with the caloric figures of 99% of the menu at the Cheesecake Factory. There are also ostriches that bury their entire life in the sand…y’know…like Camille Cosby. Camille’s denial runs so deep that even Sarah “I don’t believe in global warming…it’s just God holding us closer” Palin has to wonder, “Bitch, what’s your problem?” Camille has tried to say the litany of sexual misconduct and rape allegations against her husband, Bill Cosby…or Pepaw Perv (y’all can pick!), were a witch hunt akin and even once compared it to Emmet Till. If you can believe a recent report, Camille’s sensory blinders have been lifted and her ass has ditched Bill and is holed up in their Massachusetts home in the woods. I suddenly smell a geriatric Bon Iver album to drop any day now… Continue reading
It’s been a week since Bill Cosby went from alleged sexual predator to convicted sexual predator (the only way that verdict would’ve been more perfect if it was laid down by the rapist-destroyer Judge Rosemarie Aquilina), and as we wait to see if he’s going to die in prison or die while waiting to see if the verdict sticks, Camille Cosby has taken to the stage and warbled out a heave-inducing rendition of Stand By Your Man Even If He Was Convicted Of Rape.
After spraying herself down with a generous spritzing of Complicit from Ivanka Trump, Camille sharted out a long statement that some are calling “blistering.” If by that they mean that her statement caused oozing pus-filled blisters to form on my eyeballs when I read it, then they’re right! Camille really went for it by demanding a criminal investigation against the District Attorney, accusing Cosby’s victim Andrea Constand of being a money-hungry lie-teller, saying the media has her husband’s pure innocent blood all over their hands, and comparing him to Emmet Till, the 14-year-old African-American boy who was lynched in 1955 after a white woman lied and said he flirted with her. Well, I guess if your job for decades has been to enable and support Ole’ Pervy Puddin’ Pop, and he finally gets his, you gotta step the messiness up and throw every kind of crazy against the wall hoping that something sticks. (None of it does.)
Just like Bill Cosby’s TV wife Detective Phylicia Rashad did, his real life of wife of 51 years is putting her hands over her ears, shutting her eyes and saying, “lalalalalala they’re all lying lallalalala,” over and over again. Camille Cosby has taken the definition of “ride or die bitch” to new levels of TOO FAR by sticking with Bill Cosby through all of the dozens upon dozens of drugging and rape allegations. Last year, Camille let us all know that pure delusion runs through her veins when she called Bill the “real victim” and she hasn’t changed her mind. As the S.S. Pudding Pop slowly sinks to the bottom of the ocean, Camille is staying onboard even after it came out that Bill Cosby admitted during a deposition in 2005 to buying quaaludes to give to women for “sex.” Camille reportedly thinks that all those women willingly took the ludes and willingly had sex with her husband.
The New York Post says that Camille, who is also Bill’s business manager, held a crisis meeting with advisers to discuss how they’re going to save whatever is left of his chewed-up Pudding Pop stick of a career. According to one of the Cosbys’ employees, Camille feels personally threatened by all the allegations since she helped build Bill’s career and she is not going to watch it slide into the sewers. So Camille has told herself that Bill Cosby isn’t a serial rapist, he’s a serial cheating slut. That’s what Camille thinks and she’s apparently okay with Bill screwing around on her. The source spilled this out:
“Camille still doesn’t believe that Bill provided drugs and had sex with women without their consent. She’s well aware of his cheating, but she doesn’t believe that her husband is a rapist. [She is] a proud, dignified but stubborn woman. You can say that she’s standing by her husband, but really, the more people stand against him, the more she perceives it as an affront to her and all that she’s done to make him a star.”
The source also claims that Camille declared during the meeting that she’s going to fix this and said that “they are making him out to be such a bad guy, a monster.”
I never knew that Camille is Bill Cosby’s business manager and now it all makes sense, but DAMN. Camille needed Olivia Pope at that crisis meeting, because Olivia Pope would’ve told her that it’s probably not such a good idea to go out onstage and sing, “Stand by your drugging and raping maaaaaaaaan.“
Camille Cosby pretty much made it clear where she stands when she put on a manufactured, creepy, Stepford Wife smile as her husband got pissy with an AP reporter for asking him about all the sexual abuse allegations against him. Camille Cosby didn’t need to say shit. We all know that she’s been putting her fingers in her ear holes and singing, “Stand by my maaaaaaan,” at the top of her lungs as accuser after accuser after accuser after accuser comes out. Camille is Ride or Die all the way even if the ride is filled with women he’s drugged up.
Camille probably should’ve just kept smiling that fake smile and not said a thing, but since Bill Cosby’s team is trying hard to get all of the water out of his sinking dingy, she’s released a statement. Camille says that the Bill Cosby you know from TV is the real Bill Cosby. Whoever wrote that shit for Camille knows exactly what they’re doing. When all those allegations were unswept from the rug by Hannibal Buress, several people on my Facebook feed said crap like, “I can’t believe that my TV father would do something like this!” In their brains, they couldn’t separate Dr. Huxtable the TV character from Bill Cosby the real-life person who isn’t his TV character. So Camille is feeding that and she, of course, brought that messy, messy Rolling Stone article into it. As Camille’s sister in denial Dottie Sandusky screamed, “PREACH, GIRL, PREACH,” she released this statement to CBS News:
NEW: Billy Cosby's wife Camille releases statement comparing coverage of her husband to Rolling Stone UVA rape story pic.twitter.com/lzWdytGC22
— CBS Evening News (@CBSEveningNews) December 15, 2014
To answer her question, you don’t have enough time for us to list all the victims. There’s only 24 hours in every day and only 365 days a year, and none of us want to spend it naming all the names in the long list of Bill Cosby’s alleged victims. Let’s just print out the list of every American from the Department of Records, cross off Bill Cosby’s name and hand that that over to Camille. It’ll be close enough.