I guess we can finally answer the burning question as to why Cameron Diaz retired from acting. It’s probably because she was asked to dedicate her life full-time to planning her pal Gwyneth Paltrow’s bachelorette party (and eventual uncoupling ceremony). Gwynny probably has Cam under contract for the next 10-20 years. In case your Goop newsletter somehow ended up in your spam folder, Gwyneth is getting hitched to American Horror Story co-creator Brad Falchuk. According to Page Six, the bride’s pre-wedding festivities are all going down this weekend in Mexico.
Earlier this month, Cameron Diaz’s The Sweetest Thing co-star Selma Blair said that there would never be a sequel to TST because Cameron was officially retired from acting. A day later, she backpedaled on Twitter claiming she was making a joke and that Cameron wasn’t retired from anything. I’m guessing that tweet was sent out after Cameron hit her up with a text that read, “Okay listen, you can be there when it happens, but that’s MY news to break.” Because Cammy recently reunited with her TST co-stars Selma and Christina Applegate for Entertainment Weekly, and she broke the news that she’s retired.
Selma Blair takes it all back! Cameron Diaz is not retiring from acting after all. Well, at least that’s what Selma says. Selma issued a RED ALERT to the public backtracking on her previous comments about her The Sweetest Thing co-star tossing her SAG card into a bonfire. Selma now claims it was all a joke! Here’s Selma’s fevered retraction, as if we can believe anything she says anymore.
??☎️??? BREAKING NEWS ???. Guys please, I was making a joke in an interview. CAMERON DIAZ is NOT retiring from ANYTHING. And for more breaking news: I am NOW retiring from being Cameron Diaz’s spokesperson. ?
— Selma Blair (@SelmaBlair) March 12, 2018
Oof, Selma’s emoji game… Fax machine emoji? Math teacher emoji? In another tweet (since deleted) Selma said (via E! News):
“No no no! It was a quip. Delete. Delete delete. It would only be official if it came from her mouth. Not mine answering a question of sweetest thing part deux was happening. Red alert. not fact.”
According to E!, Cameron hasn’t said anything publicly one way or the other about retiring from acting. She’s only talked about trying to “find herself”. But Selma’s mad scramble backwards up the cliff tells me Cameron’s not so preoccupied with making sure she’s fucking to the right twin to let such a broad statement go unchecked. Cameron probably called Selma up and was like “here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna tweet out a retraction and you’re gonna work in a bad teacher emoji somehow or else there will definitely be no sweetest thing part deux, capiche?! I got back-ends on that bitch”.
Pic: Columbia Pictures
Cameron Diaz’s last big acting year was 2014, where she delivered flop after flop. After that year, she took some time away, and now her The Sweetest Thing co-star Selma Blair is saying she’s fully retired from acting.
Cameron Diaz’s last big acting job was as Miss Hannigan in the Annie remake. That was 2014. Since then, she’s written a lady body manual and got married. But she hasn’t acted in anything since, and the only thing above Annie on her IMDB page is a cameo appearance on the kids show Yo Gabba Gabba. So what has Cammy been doing these past three years? Reassuring Benji Madden his tattoos still look cool? No, she’s been finding herself.
If your name is Rachel or Rachael or Roy or even Ray and you’ve got an Instagram page, you better look for a RAID emoji real quick. Because the eyes of the Beyhive are filled with so much blind rage that they don’t even know who they’re attacking anymore.