Category: Calvin Harris

Taylor Swift’s New Album Is (Shockingly) A Burn Book Sing-A-Long

October 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Back in the day (in my head), you could stick a piece of coal up one of the buttholes of Taylor Swift’s exes and watch it turn into a diamond from them clenching so hard with anxiety over what she wrote about them on an upcoming album. An entire Zales line came from John Mayer! This time around, though, the clenching is coming from all the meanie ex-friends who wronged Miss Swift! Continue reading

MTV VMA’s Fashion: Everybody Please Report For Detention

August 28, 2017 / Posted by:

There was so much fashion fuckery at the MTV VMAs last night, I barely know where to begin! If the Teen Choice Awards are the Middle School dance of awards shows, then the VMA’s are the Junior Prom at an alternative performing arts magnet school. Since it’s high school, I’ll be announcing the winners and losers in several categories. The first category is Most Obvious Genitalia, and that award goes to none other than Nicki Minaj.

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Katy Perry Recorded A Song With Calvin Harris For His New Album

May 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Calvin Harris, former publicity boyfriend of Taylor Swift and guy who makes music, announced the release of his fifth album called Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 on Instagram yesterday. The video included a list of artists who will make an appearance, and wouldn’t you know whose name happened to pop up between Pharrell Williams and Big Sean? Oh, just his ex-girlfriend’s main enemy Katy Perry.

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Hmmm… I Guess Taylor Swift Needs More Material For Her Next Album

September 29, 2016 / Posted by:

And that is definitely the look from a swan pool toy who so badly wants to throw itself off of that edge.

A couple of weeks ago, Calvin Harris released what many thought was a Taylor Swift diss track, and for reasons that only her PR Team knows of, she didn’t respond by rushing out her new single: a cover of Hey Mr. DJ called Hey Mr. DJ, Go Fudge Yourself (she’s not trying to get that parental guidance label). But TMZ says that the two julienned pieces of unseasoned cauliflower stalk don’t hate each other anymore. They’re texting each other again and the texts from Calvin don’t say: I h8 U and if we did more than hump each other over our bed clothes I would’ve given you THE CLAP and been happy about it!

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Calvin Harris Is Maybe Shading Taylor Swift Through His Latest Song

September 16, 2016 / Posted by:

Something tells me Taylor Swift is not going to order a jacket with that patch on the back of it. Just a hunch.

Calvin Harris and Taylor broke up almost four months ago, and he’s still finding ways to pull her hair when they cross each other in the cool locker hall. Calvin came for Taylor on Twitter, he came for her on Instagram, he maybe-shaded her relationship with Tom Hiddleston in the video for “Olé“, he came for her again to British GQ. Now he’s maybe-hating on her in his latest song. As it turns out, there’s someone out there who can drag a breakup for attention longer than Taylor Swift.  Continue reading

Taylor Swift Continues To Be Shady

September 10, 2016 / Posted by:

I wrote this song, damnit! I’m allloowweeedd to sing along! I’m just a girl having fun!Taylor Swift (seen above looking like Sailor Moon’s luxe older sister having bathroom difficulties) attended the NYC Fashion Week debut of her friend and fellow Snake Squad member Gig Hadid’s clothing line yesterday. The show, a collaboration with Tommy Hilfiger, was officially titled “The TommyXGigi Show.” Per usual, it was actually “A Taylor Swift Moment feat. Gigi Hadid and Tommy Hilfiger.” She knows what she’s doing. Which is why she sang along to “This Is What You Came For,” the song she wrote for her contentious ex Calvin Harris to record with Rihanna, during the show.

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