During last night’s Oscars, Dakota Johnson presented with her Fifty Shades Duller co-star Jamie Dornan, and they did a hilarious bit where they pretended to have chemistry with each other. Clearly Dakota was afraid all the crotch-searing sexuality between her and Jamie would be too much for the audience to handle, and she dressed accordingly. And by accordingly, I mean she counter-balanced it by dressing in an unsexy satin nightgown situation that was made by Gucci.
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Emma Stone really didn’t have much to say about that junior prom princess dress when she reached Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet of the Golden Globes last night. The face she’s making in that picture above kind of says all that needs to be said, really. It’s very “Please direct all Worst Dressed lists to my stylist.”
Natalie Portman is currently knocked up with her second kid, so I can see why she’d want to show up to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night wearing your auntie’s two best tablecloths as a dress. When you’re shuffling down a red carpet for two, your number one priority is comfort. Your legs are tired, your arms are tired, your stomach looks like the overstuffed backpack of an airplane passenger that refuses to check a bag. Sometimes you just want to wear a cape-thing and call it a night.
Natalie took home the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actress for her Jackie. I like to think Natalie kept with the throwback theme and her ensemble was an homage to 1960s maternity wear. Based on years of research (Joan and Betty’s pregnancies on Mad Men), I believe if you got knocked up in the 1960s you were legally required to dress like a deflated shower gel pouf.
It wasn’t all floaty-fabric capes. There were also floaty-fabric robes too.
Busy Phillips must really be a Pinocchio fan (or an It’s Alway Sunny In Philadelphia fan), because E! says that she and her husband Marc Silverstein named their 8-day-old daughter…
CRICKET PEARL SILVERSTEIN!!!!!!
I really have no idea what a cricket’s WTF face looks like, but I’m pretty sure it looks something like this:
Busy and Marc’s other daughter is 4 years old and her name is Birdie. Birdie and Cricket! I guess they really love things that chirp and if Busy ever pops out a third kid, they’re totally naming it Sparrow or Batteryless Smoke Detector. Birdie and Cricket sound like the name of the most popular southern girls at the country club who both have white blond hair, only wear pastels (pastel pink is Birdie’s signature color, pastel yellow is Cricket’s signature color) and drive matching BMW convertibles. Birdie and Cricket are going to be named co-prom queens at the Sweet Valley High prom two years in a row, rule their college sorority, marry doctors and sell Avon on the side just for fun. I totally want to buy Skin-So-Soft from Birdie and Cricket.
When people started giving Busy shit for naming her daughter after a bug, she said this on Twitter:
It’s weird people think my kids will be in therapy because of their names. Guys, my kids will be therapy for LOTS of reasons, I’m sure.
Speaking of needing therapy, the name Cricket made me think of this:
That’s okay, I didn’t need to sleep tonight anyway.