Conan Gets A Face Full Of Bruno Crotch

If you’re ever around Bruno, there’s a huge chance that he will put his musty sausage cheese balls and crushed hamburger buns in your face without any kind of notice. Last night on The Tonight Show, he did just that to Conan O’Brien. Conan played a long, but you know the words “I Quit This Bitch” were dangling on the tip of his tongue.

You know, while watching Conan getting scissored by Bruno, I thought to myself that he would look so pretty sitting in the middle of Home Depot with a flannel on. You know where I’m going with this. Conan could totally pass for a lipstick version of Rojo Caliente! I’d let him slap with a strap-on any day, anytime! Anyrojomakesmynipplesburns, Bruno’s old trick is at the 9:10 mark in the video above.

And here’s some pictures of Bruno at the L.A. premiere last night. If Tommy Girl was the Secretary of Defense, this would be the official (and only) uniform of the military.

I Knew This Looked Familiar

When I first saw these pictures of Bruno at the Berlin premiere of his movie, I felt a lump in my throat, my skin felt itchy, my nipples retreated into my body and all the moisture in my eyeballs got sucked out. I figured it was time to go to the free clinic again, but then I remember I had the same symptoms after looking at the picture that still makes cameos in my nightmares. THIS:

Fuck you, Bruno! Thanks to him this picture will probably go back to being the STAR of my nightmares instead of just an extra. To make it even worse, Bruno is wearing UGGs inspired by the creepy family of furries. Way to punch me in my soul. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bruno is wearing a CROCS-made butt plug. Kill me.

Taking The Bull By The Long Furry Peen

You know Lady CaCa is flipping out at her stylist right now, because she has this same outfit in her closet just waiting to be worn. Bruno beat her to it! It’s okay, Lady CaCa, your dick is still bigger than the fake one on Bruno’s costume.

Bruno continued to douse Europe with his brand of faggotry with a stop in Madrid today. When in Madrid, dress like a versatile bottom bull with a jaw-breaking dick! I think Katie Holmes is off the hook, because Tommy Girl just fell in love.

Eminem Just Came

Bruno’s world domination officially started in Paris yesterday at the premiere of his movie where he killed hos with his Naired pancake nalgas and fancy farts. That gayderhosen on Bruno wasn’t glittery at first, but then when he put it on….SMASH. CLICK. GLITZ.

Fun fact: This was Tommy Girl’s original costume in Valkyrie, but for some strange reason the producers vetoed it.

Here’s more of Bruno puckering for the cameras yesterday and also leaving his hotel later in the day wearing Gay Al’s “Ode to Thriller” outfit.

Wonky Didn’t Want All Of This In Her Face

The glorious moment where Eminem’s butt face got a heaping serving of Bruno’s nalgas might not have ever happened, because Em wasn’t the producers first choice. A source told Life & Style that they asked Eminem to partake in the stunt, but kept him in the dark about getting up close and personal with Bruno’s sweet rolls. Mark Burnett, the producer of the MTV Movie Awards, originally asked Parasite Hilton to do it, but she turned them down.

Thank the fuck Wonky didn’t do it! First of all, she spends most of the day with a hot sweaty asshole in her face, so it wouldn’t have been anything new. Second of all, she’s already the butt of all jokes! Third of all, poor Bruno probably would’ve lost his sight if he put his eyeballs that close to Wonky’s crab nest.

I don’t care if it was staged or not, it was still Eminem’s greatest moment ever. He should go ahead and retire now, because nothing will top it.

Why Is Eminem Fighting It?

This is the only reason why the gods allowed the MTV Movie Awards to exist! Because if it didn’t, Bruno would have never fallen from the gay heaven and landed face first into Eminem’s lap. This is what they call “love at first sight.” Bruno and Eminem make 69ing look so beautiful and special.

Yes, Eminem is trying to fight it, but you can feel the chemistry. It’s dripping from Eminem’s peen hole. He’s saying no, but his whole body is saying YES! When Bruno’s succulent nalgas and juicy berries were in his face, it took every bit of strength inside him to not lick up the sweet butt cream. Eminem knew that if he stayed longer he would propose marriage to Bruno’s honey buns, so he busted out of there! As much as he wants to runs through the fields with Bruno’s ass, he’s just not ready for that commitment. It makes me sad when true love is not realized.

And Bruno better get every award imaginable for this GRAND performance. That is the kind of shit I want to see!