Open Post: Hosted By Paris Hilton Recreating The Britney Spears Car Photo That Lindsay Lohan “Crashed”
Paris Hilton doesn’t exactly have the range to headline a Las Vegas residency, and she’s too prim and proper (cough) to open a bar and use its train wreck employees for a reality show – that’s for lowlife like her Aunt Kyle Richards’ frenemy Lisa Vanderpump! Instead, she’ll just go back to her own strengths: media whoring! Back in the glory days of being famous for just being a THOT at the Kitson cash register, there was a certain 2006 car ride with Paris, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears that paid for every paparazzi in the parking lot’s mortgage payment for three years. Paris has gone on to say LiLo crashed the car ride (LiLo denies this), so now she recreated the car ride with what it seems like is who she would have wanted to tag along?
Lindsay Lohan is really out here trying to shill her new reality show Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club so she stopped by Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM show to talk to him and promote it. Since Andy is the biggest shit-stirrer this side of a toilet flush, he brought up how Paris Hilton dragged Lindsay on his show last month. Paris said that Lindsay crashed her night out with Britney Spears in 2006 and that’s how the “iconic” (was it?) photo called “Three Wrecks Sitting In A Car” was created. Well, Lindsay is here to defend her “good” name (is it?).
Next month, the Las Vegas Strip was supposed to get another serving of pork rinds-encrusted TALENT when Britney Spears boggled audience minds with her raw vocals (not a typo, more on that later) and impeccable “flip that weave while walking back and forth” dance moves, but that’s not going to happen anymore. No, Brit Brit isn’t hanging up her tiara as the Princess of Las Vegas to finally fulfill her dream of quitting the business of show to run a cheetah milking farm that produces Cheetos (nobody tell Brit Brit that you can’t milk a Cheeto out of a cheetah). Brit Brit is taking a work hiatus for a sad reason, she’s going to help out her dad/one of the heads of her conservatorship, Daddy Spears, because his health is in a bad way.
I’ve been seeing a little too much of Paris Hilton these days and it makes me wonder if perhaps I’ve woken up in 2006 when her stale gaze and trademarked vocal fry terrorized us all on a daily basis. For whatever reason she keeps popping up like Punxsutawney Phil which means we all must be living inside of some kind of fame whore reboot of Groundhog Day remake with a shittier cast. And since we’re on the subject of 2006, Paris was on Andy Cohen’s SiriusXM show last week and talked about that trinity of mess picture of her with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan as they were crammed into a tiny sports car like drunken circus clowns outside of the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Sam Asghari and Britney Spears’ contractromance has lasted a bit longer than any of us would have expected, to be quite frank. They’ve been going “strong” for two years now, and I guess that meant Sam feels comfortable doing more than just being a THOT prop in Brit Brit’s social media updates. He can Instagram on his own! While having a Q&A on Instagram with his “fans,” someone asked him to pick between Britney and Christina Aguilera. Sam used the opportunity to show he knows who Mariah Carey is.
Christmastime is that magical time of year where we hear the same damn songs over and over again, get really wasted at holiday parties and hook up with random strangers to give the gift that keeps on giving: SHAME. And speaking of shame (or lack thereof), let’s check in with Britney Spears and watch her living her best life. And by living her best life I, of course mean, scaring the hell out of her fans with a creepy rendition of White Christmas.