Normally I’d say that Britney Spears should RUUUUUUUN from any dude named Sam. But if a Sam looks like that, then my advice to Brit Brit would be to melt that rule down into syrupy lube, spread it all over your bits and get that muscle dick.
The raw emotion that Brit Brit Spears is giving off in that screen shot… The director, Colin Tilley, must’ve told her to pretend that Tinashe was a giant Frapp with extra whip and chocolate sprankles. And as Brit did that, Tinashe thought to herself, “Please, God, don’t let this woman front fart on me… again.”
Team Brit Brit released the video for the remix of Slumber Party last night, and it’s the first video in a long ass time where she doesn’t totally look like she would rather be eating a plate of Velveeta-less steamed vegetables and isn’t thinkings about whether or not she should have Old Country Buffet or Long John Silver’s for lunch. Brit Brit actually looks somewhat into it and that may or may not have something to do with Daddy Spears spraying Burger King cologne all over Tinashe.
Every Starbucks in England has filed for an emergency bailout of much-needed supplies because they are out of everything and that could mean only one thing: Britney Spears is over there! Brit Brit is in London where so far she’s busted out her flawless lip-synch act during the Apple Music Festival and did The Jonathan Ross Show. Brit Brit’s interview with Wossy (look at me speakin’ Brit-esh!) taped yesterday (it’ll air on October 1st) and according to a couple of people who were in the audience, she went off script a bit. Brit Brit actually said the word “conservatorship” out loud. And when she did, London the Dog’s ear’s perked up, the hairy pussy strip on Adnan Ghalib’s chin fell off and her old pink wig threw itself off of its wig head at the Smithsonian. It’s at the Smithsonian, right?
That’s right, Justin Timberlake, put your hands together and pray to the heavens above that St. Starbucks will bless you with the chance to work with an angel like Britney Spears. And also if you have the time, ask St. Starbucks to send you a sacred Frapp in the event she needs a little convincing.
A few weeks ago, Britney admitted during an interview with Most Requested Live With Romeo that she would like to work with Steven Tyler, Katy Perry, and Justin Timberlake, who she called “very good.” The only name in that list that anyone cared about was Justin Timberlake, because who wouldn’t want to take a trip back to 2001? Let me just grab my magenta Motorola RAZR, a 12-pack of stick-in hair gems, and my nicest hanky-hem halter dress real quick and we’ll be off.
Sadly, your eyeballs will not get a serving of a 98% naked Miley Cyrus licking the red carpet while spreading her chipmunk nalgitas to show off her Jeremy Scott-designed butt plug tassel. Because Miley Cyrus announced that she has retired from the red carpeted stroll for the rest of eternity!
If I had to describe Britney Spears’ performance at the MTV VMAs last week, I’d say she was mostly committed to moving her mouth along with the music. I also watched both the VMAs backstage and audience camera feed, and both times I saw Brit Brit, she was smiling like they told her she was going home with a $50 Cracker Barrel gift card. But according to InTouch Weekly, the Britney I saw at the VMAs was far from the Britney they saw. TMZ says Britney’s lawyer claims that what InTouch saw isn’t the truth and her team has threatened to sue.