While walking the Grammys red carpet on Sunday night, Katy Perry made two thinly veiled head-shaving joke and Britney Spears fans on Twitter weren’t here for it. They dragged her like a Wahl hair clipper across a scalp. Brit Brit, usually blissfully docile but possibly acting off of the effects of an extra shot of syrup in her Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino, decided to respond yesterday with a slap of her own. Britney shared the same picture on Instagram and Twitter and a caption that appears to be the Bible’s version of shade.
Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart ❤️ Luke 6:45 pic.twitter.com/L7YPi3Iirl
— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) February 13, 2017
The full verse is a lot harsher than what Brit Brit tweeted:
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
This feud between Katy Perry and Britney Spears shouldn’t be happening. For one, because they’re sort of on the same team (aka Team I Don’t Know That Snake). Second, because they both received paychecks for the Smurfs movie. That’s the kind of embarrassing shit you should be bonding over well into your 80s.
Katy Perry performed her new single, Chained to the Rhythm, at the Grammys last night while simultaneously paying tribute to Wilson from Home Improvement. But before that, she walked the red carpet and caused some of the internet to start furiously typing after hearing Katy not-so-subtly drag Britney Spears not once, but twice.
Here’s Britney Spears at a pre-Grammys party Clive Davis threw to honor BET head Debra Lee. That dress is definitely… a choice. It gives the illusion that you can almost see Britney’s up-top, and her beautiful womanly mystery down below. But let’s look at those eyes. That is a thousand-yard stare if I’ve ever seen one. I’m not sure what drugs they’ve currently got tethering the poor girl to reality so she can keep the money rolling in, but they might want to decrease the dosage just a scooch. I think she can see through walls. Unless she just came from the optometrist’s and had her eyes dilated. Let’s go with that.
Check out more pics of Brit Brit in the gallery below.
And two seconds after this picture was taken, Brit Brit Spears tackled Jamie Lynn Spears and covered her with kisses after making her for Chester Cheetah.
Jamie Lynn Spears’ 8-year-old daughter, Maddie Aldridge, has been in the hospital since Sunday after the ATV she was driving fell into a pond. Maddie went underwater and her mom and stepdad weren’t unable to get her out of her seatbelt. It took the paramedics two minutes to show up. They were able to get her out. Jamie Lynn’s condition was listed as stable, but critical. With each new update, the situation was looking more bleak, but today, the Tangipahoa Parish Sheriff’s Department delivered some actual good news (remember what good news was?). They said in a statement given to People that Maddie has woken up and is breathing on her own.
“With her father, mother and stepfather by her side, Maddie regained consciousness mid-day Tuesday, February 7. The 8-year-old daughter of entertainer Jamie Lynn Spears was involved in an ATV accident at a family home Sunday in Kentwood, La. Paramedics resuscitated her and she was airlifted to a local hospital. She is aware of her surroundings and recognizes those family members who have kept a round-the-clock vigil since the accident.
Doctors were able to remove the ventilator today and she is awake and talking. Maddie continues to receive oxygen and is being monitored closely but it appears that she has not suffered any neurological consequences from the accident.”
Shortly after the shitty news about Maddie’s accident came out, Brit Brit asked her fans to pray for her niece. I’m sure Brit Brit herself spent many hours praying in front of her Cheeto Jesus. So everybody should take a quick break from yelling at Jamie Lynn about letting her 8-year-old drive an ATV and praise the power of Cheesus!
Jamie Lynn Spears’ 8-Year-Old Daughter Is Reportedly In Critical Condition After An ATV Accident (UPDATE)
Last night, TMZ delivered eighty-five layers of awfulness when they reported that Maddie Aldridge, the 8-year-old daughter of Brit Brit’s little sister Jamie Lynn Spears, is in a bad, bad way after she was involved in an ATV accident. Maddie was reportedly on a hunting trip yesterday when the ATV she was riding in flipped over into a pond. TMZ’s sources say that Maddie was underwater for several minutes and was unconscious. She was airlifted to a hospital in New Orleans, LA. Jamie Lynn wasn’t with her daughter at the time of the accident. The sources also say that Maddie is in critical, but stable, but condition.
Lifetime has pooted out the teaser trailer for their next highly-anticipated (by me and probably only me) crusty turd of a cinematic masterpiece, and as expected, it looks like it’s going to be a zero-budget disaster that’s about as artistic as Adnan Ghalib’s pube strip. Lifetime really never lets you down.
In the 30-second trailer for the shit-named Britney Ever After, Britney (played by Natasha Bassett) shaves her head, attacks a pack of paps with an umbrella and marries a basic cable Kevin Federline. (I don’t know why they didn’t try to get the real KFed, because he would’ve done it for a $5 gift certificate to Blimpie.) Natasha’s accent is missing a ton of chicken fried twang and I’ve already spotted some inaccurate shit in this 30-second trailer, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) January 23, 2017
That looks like a tiny step above two kids recreating Brit Brit’s life story in their garage using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale. With that said, February 18th will be my Christmas. (And I just dissed myself since on any given Saturday night you can find me recreating Brit Brit’s life story using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale.)