God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
Some angry straight men terrified of losing their power base have apparently banded together to mount a movement to ruin a movie prior to its release. Captain Marvel, starring Oscar shade-throwing expert Brie Larson, drops on March 8, and Brie’s recent requests for a more inclusive panel of film critics to review her movie have been met with terrified hatred by the usual suspects. Hence, as the Huffington Post reports, the assholes trying to flood the movie’s Rotten Tomatoes page with negative comments calling Brie a man-hating racist trying to stuff her feminist agenda up their angry asses.
The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Scarlett Johansson is going to get a huge ton of cash for working on the standalone Black Widow movie which recently got its director. According to THR, Scarlett’s salary is equal to what the delicious Captain of America, Chris Evans, and what the hunky God of Thunder and Muscle Mass, Chris Hemsworth, were paid for Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok. Scarlett will be earning a grandios $15 million for playing Black Widow in her own movie.
Marvel decided that because The Emmys were last night, the heterosexuals of America also deserved a lil something, something, so they released the Captain Marvel trailer today for all of the nerds out there.
Brie Larson, who plays the titular Captain Marvel (how many of you giggled at the words “titular”?), was on Good Morning America today to reveal the trailer herself. This is the first Marvel Studios project with a female lead since they started making movies 10 years ago with the release of Iron Man, so it’s kind of a big deal. Cut to Scarlett Johansson screeching into a pillow somewhere: “Why couldn’t it have been me?!”
It’s been over two years since we found out that Brie Larson would be doing what many have done before her by turning their Oscar around and whispering “You don’t need to see this” as they signed a contract for a big-budget superhero movie. Brie is playing Captain Marvel in her own movie. Earlier this year we saw the first shots of Brie in her Captain Marvel costume, and now here’s the latest version of Brie’s Captain Marvel, thanks to Entertainment Weekly.
I’m sure we’ve all done something for money that we regret. Luckily for us normals, whatever it was is probably safely filed away somewhere in the back of our minds under “Let’s Never Speak Of This Again”. Unluckily for academy award winning actress Brie Larson, her questionable transaction is about to be released in theaters and On Demand tomorrow.
Back in 2013, well before she won her Oscar for Room, even before she was on anybody’s radar with Short Term 12, Brie made a “Bollywood” musical called Basmati Blues about a scientist named Linda who develops a super strain of rice and gets sent to India by her evil corporate boss (who is named Gurgon (!), played by Donald Sutherland) for… well for reasons. After sitting on the shelf for 5 years, Brie probably thought she was in the clear but then here comes 2018 like “surprise, bitch!”.