Category: Brenda Song

Macaulay Culkin And Brenda Song Got Engaged

January 26, 2022 / Posted by:

Happy news for Macaulay Culkin and Brenda Song: they’re engaged! On Monday, Brenda was papped wearing a diamond ring on her left hand, and today a source confirmed the news to People. The couple’s engagement comes 9 months after they welcomed their son, Dakota Song Culkin. When reached for comment, Dakota removed his mother’s breast from his mouth and gurgled, “Hold up. My parents have been living in sin this entire time?! And lemme guess… they want me to learn to walk so I can be the ring bearer. Fat chance!” Continue reading

Surprise! Macaulay Culkin And Brenda Song Just Welcomed A Baby

April 12, 2021 / Posted by:

In an Esquire cover story last February, Macaulay Culkin told us he and his girlfriend Brenda Song were trying for a baby, but he also told us he prefers to be called “Mack” so I pretty much put the whole thing out of my mind because I’m not doing that. Plus considering that years ago Brenda allegedly pretended to be pregnant by Trace Cyrus, who ranks BELOW NOAH, I simply could not take it seriously. But now, according to Esquire, while Macaulay may have been kidding about preferring the name Mack, and I sincerely hope that he was, he was deadly serious about becoming a dad. Brenda and Macaulay just had a surprise baby boy named Dakota Song Culkin. Well, a surprise to us. I presume Brenda was expecting. For real this time!

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Jon M. Chu Says He Never Told Brenda Song She Wasn’t “Asian Enough” For “Crazy Rich Asians”

November 21, 2019 / Posted by:

E! News says that the director of Crazy Rich AsiansJon M. Chu, has responded to allegations by Brenda Song that she was considered not “Asian enough” for the movie and wasn’t allowed to audition. And now we know, it’s because he stanned Maddie Fitzpatrick, not London Tipton. Just kidding, it seems that Jon M. Chu just didn’t want her for the lead role.
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Trace Cyrus Accuses Brenda Song Of Lying About Being Knocked Up

May 18, 2015 / Posted by:

A few years ago, we, as a people, braced ourselves for the arrival of a Cyrus centaur baby when the Internet farted up a rumor that one of Mickey Mouse’s former hos, Brenda Song, had rode Trace Cyrus bareback-style and got knocked up. A quick minute after that rumor came out, Brenda Song’s mother supposedly told Star Magazine that her daughter’s uterus wasn’t filled with a fetus. Pictures came out of Brenda Song looking a little pregnant-ey, so some figured that her mother was in denial about being bound to the crazy ass Cyrus family forever. We were all preparing ourselves for a world where Trace Cyrus is somebody’s father, but then Brenda was papped crying while coming home from the hospital and it was reported that she miscarried. Trace broke up with Brenda a few months later. Brenda hasn’t said anything about the pregnancy rumors until now.

Recently, Brenda dusted off the old ass rumor and decided to talk about it on Instagram. She posted a note where she said that she was never knocked up and she never had a miscarriage. Brenda apologized for not shutting down the lies earlier. I’m not sure why she’s doing it now? I guess her attention spot needed itching. But not only was it scratched, it was shanked by Trace. After Brenda’s note went up, Trace called her out and accused her of making up the lies. Hell hath no fury like a tattooed rabid emo pony scorned. via Just Jared

brendasongfakepregnancy

The note was deleted after Trace spit up those fightin’ words at her.

ESCANDALO! That is some Gone Girl meets first season of Glee meets General Hospital shit. Faking a pregnancy is one thing, but faking a pregnancy so that Trace Cyrus will stay with you? Trace must seriously be horse hung and his dick must have the power to make chicks go insane, because damn. The most surprising part of all of this is that they didn’t stay together. Brenda seems crazy and Trace seems crazy, so they’re pretty much a match in crazy bitch heaven.

Wild Horses Couldn’t Drag Brenda Song Away

January 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Brenda Song and Trace Cyrus’ love was shuffled off to the glue factory last summer after 2 years of humping, but she hasn’t given up on their love and has taken the advice of her riding coach: when you fall off that horse, get back on and keep riding. Tish Cyrus’ love child with an undead horse from Red Dead Redemption posted this picture of him and Brenda Song on Instagram (via ONTD) with the note: “I wanna tell the world about u just so they can get jealous.

Jealousy is definitely the emotion we’re all feeling toward Brenda Song. I mean, Brenda Song gets to lick on Trace Cyrus’ sideburn tattoo and you don’t. Brenda Song gets to rub herself on Trace Cyrus’ water damage newspaper of a body and you don’t. Brenda Song gets to once again spend her holidays sharing a box of Corn Pops with Billy Ray Cyrus while Noah Cyrus pole dances in the corner and you don’t. And more importantly, Brenda Song gets to use that electronic dildo/bong thing (that’s what it is and don’t try to tell me otherwise) in the background of that picture and you don’t. That electronic dildo/bong thing is probably the only reason why Brenda Song came back.

Here’s Brenda Song looking really excited about being back in the saddle while leaving a gym in L.A. the other day.

Good News For You Single Hos, Trace Cyrus Is Available Again

June 11, 2012 / Posted by:

The meaning of true love is already on the dirty bathroom floor, crying into a half-empty bottle of Strawberry Hill after hearing that Zac Efron and pro beard-in-training Lily Collins broke up and now its going to bawl all of its internal organs out once it hears that the prized steed of the Cyrus family, Trace Cyrus, is no longer rearing on top of Brenda Song. There will be no double Cyrus wedding, because Trace told People that he’s not going to ride off into the sunset with Brenda. As Brenda’s mom Mai Song thanked the gods above the clouds for rebuking the craving for Emo pony peen from her daughter’s being, Trace had this to say about their break-up:

“Brenda and I have decided to go our separate ways. We split up a couple of months ago. We will continue to focus on our careers.”

Seriously, if you’ve ever wanted to see a Thai mother pop her pussy on her front lawn, go to Mai Song’s house right now, because no doubt she’s celebrating being free from those Cyrus crazies forever.

But Brenda is going to regret letting go out of Trace’s lead rope. Brenda will have to find a new moonshine supplier and where else will she find a hot piece who is such a bad ass motherfucker that he has TWO feather drop tattoos. Those feather drops tattoos obviously represent the two canaries he took out. Yes, Trace is that bad. DanRad, you know you want to get on that while it’s hot.

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