Category: BREAKING NEWS

GASP! SCREAM! GASP! Duchess Meghan Got Into The Car Before THE QUEEN! 

June 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Oh how I hate Duchess Meghan. At night, she gets to listen to the sound of her now royal vagine cooing out the chorus to Hallelujah as it rubs on Prince Hot Ginge’s ginger crotch scepter. And during the day, she gets to put on an Ann Taylor LOFT a Givenchy ensemble for her “day job” where she gets to work events with THE QUEEN who definitely mutters shit like, “Fuck this bollocks arse bloody arse blooming dumb shite, I could be watching EastEnders while Philly sucks on mi toes,” through her gritted teeth as she puts on a manufactured smile for her loyal subjects. Duchess Meghan is living the life, but she jacked that up today. This is the biggest act of disrespect by an American against the crown since those New England settlers broke up with Britain. This is even worse, actually!

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If Taylor Swift’s Fourth of July Party Didn’t Happen, Did Fourth Of July Really Happen At All?

July 5, 2017 / Posted by:

That memory you have from yesterday of you deep throating two charbroiled hot dogs as your friend lit a sparkler that was stuck in your asshole in the name of freedom is just a figment of your imagination. That didn’t happen, because Fourth of July didn’t happen. There were no fireworks. There were no BBQs. There was no family party where your auntie got drunk on Svedka and La Vie (aka Aldi’s bootleg La Croix) while dropping it low on the concrete patio to Night Ranger’s (You Can Still Rock) In America. None of that happened yesterday because Fourth of July got canceled since it seems like Taylor Swift didn’t throw her annual Taymerica extravaganza. Every bald eagle is probably drowning in a puddle of their own tears while in the fetal position on the ground somewhere.

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The Drama Begins: Bella Hadid Has Unfollowed Selena Gomez On Instagram

January 12, 2017 / Posted by:

Bella Hadid is apparently so angry that Selena Gomez might be dating her ex-boyfriend The Weeknd, that she stopped following Selena on Instagram. You hear that, Selena? Your (not exactly) skanky bad-friend ways have lost you a follower! Now you’re down to 106 million-minus-one. Ouch, how deeply embarrassing.

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