Well, So Much For Ariana Grande Denying That She Gets Carried Around Like A Baby

Earlier this week, it was reported that the demonic come-to-life Bratz doll known professionally as Ariana Grande made her assistants carry her around like a baby whenever she got too tired to walk. Of course, Ariana’s rep (a talking hairbrush with PTSD from being thrown against the wall during countless temper tantrums) denied that she had ever pulled such a diva baby bitch move and that her minions never transported her spoiled princess-style. However, the Detective La Toyas over at Jezebel are calling bullshit, because they’ve got PROOF.

Jezebel has collected several pictures that show 21-year-old Ariana Grande being carried around like a baby (like the one above from Ariana’s Instagram showing her too tie-tie to walk after a video shoot), although I don’t know if their evidence will hold up in a court of law, considering none of the pictures show her being carried around in a Baby Bjorn like an actual baby. It might be enough to get a verdict of “THAT’S BALONEY!” from Judge Judy, so who knows.

And now that we know she forces her assistants to carry her like a baby, it shouldn’t be at all surprising when we hear a rumor that she also makes her assistants spoon-feed her din-din and read her no fewer than 6 stories before she goes night-night. “Did you hear that? It sounds like Ariana is fussy…somebody better go blow a raspberry on her tummy before she has a pre-nap meltdown and starts destroying shit.”

Here’s Ariana earlier today walking like a big girl from her vroom-vroom into the Billboard Women in Music Awards:

Pics: Instagram, Splash

And In “Ariana Grande Is Still A Brat” News, Ariana Grande Demands To Be Carried Like A Baby

It’s no secret that the evil Bratz doll who came to life one day when someone played Mariah Carey’s Daydream backwards known as Ariana Grande is a demanding, entitled little diva toddler, and it sounds like she’s not running out of ways to act like an obnoxious spoiled brat anytime soon. According to Life & Style, Ariana has started demanding that she be carried around like a baby when she gets too tie-tie to walk like a big girl. I guess that makes sense; she has built her career on working the very sexy baby angle, after all. By the way – in case you’ve forgotten, Ariana Grande is a 21-year-old woman.

“Her new rule is that she has to be carried – literally carried like a baby – when she doesn’t feel like walking. She says that she doesn’t want her precious feet to hit the floor,” says a source, who witnessed the 21-year-old get a lift from her staff while filming her latest music video and again at rehearsals for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. “Everyone was stunned. Ariana is such a diva.”

“Demanding to be carried around like a baby? YAWN. Wake me up when she fires a bitch for daring to serve her un-dished nuts,” hissed the current queen of diva terror Heather Cho.

Look, Ariana Grande is about as pleasant as a road trip yeast infection, but is demanding to be carried around that bad? I’ll be honest, if I had the money, I’d probably hire someone to carry me around when I get too tired to walk. I’d probably also hire someone to brush my teeth and hose me off like a zoo animal, but I think that has less to do with me being a diva and more about me being extremely lazy.

And this probably goes without saying, but you know it’s only a matter of time before she just stops walking altogether and starts traveling by stroller.

The Cyrus Parents Just Keep Making Awesome Decisions

Putting Miley into show business. Allowing Noah to dress like a harlot. Letting Trace walk around in public without a bag over his head. The Cyruses won’t ever be up for Parents of the Year, so why not let a 13 year old Noah drive a damn car while you sit shotgun, Billy Ray? TMZ has a photo of Billy Ray- smiling like he just got spun around in a hairdresser’s chair and handed a mirror to check out the back of his blowout- next to his teenaged daughter who’s behind the wheel in Toluca Lake, CA.

Someone needs to remind him that this isn’t some podunk town in Kentucky where throwing your kid into a rusted out Chevy truck when they’re old enough to reach the pedals is a rite of passage. This is Southern California, where where the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kendall Jenner prove they can’t drive for shit and cruise around like they’re at some bunkass carnival riding the bumper cars. It may be fitting, though, considering the entire Cyrus family is about as close to actual carnies as it gets in Hollywood.

If Trish or Billy Ray had a brain in either of their damn heads, they would look at Exhibits A, B, C and so on until they run out of letters and have to switch over to the Greek alphabet and maybe realize that treating your kids like adults can backfire. The last thing Hollywood needs is another spoiled, entitled brat whose parents never learned the phrase that pays: FUCK NO! Noah looks so much like a younger Miley I want to scoop her up before it’s too late for her and bring her home. She can drive our Deere lawn tractor and instead of building a resumé filled with “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM??” and underage traffic violations, she can build some fucking character by the tried-and-true method normal parents use called “go outside and do all the shit I’m tired of doing”. Give me a few weekends of raking leaves and shoveling snow and I’ll have all the fuckery her parents have instilled in her gone.

(Pic of Billy Ray, Noah and Brandi Cyrus via Instagram)

Twenty Two Tickets To Paradise

Because they have more money than we’ll ever have and more rug rats than we’ll ever want, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, their child army and their SWAT team of twelve nannies are sunning their buns and The Leg in the Carribean according to Radar. Or, more specifically, at designer Donna Karan‘s crib on Turks and Caicos. Celebuzz has pics of the place, I Googled, and it’s a bargain at $10K a night. BUT they do throw in complimentary flip flops for chasing down wild children by the black volcanic stone lined infity pool, so that helps. They are being joined by Brad’s parents, his brother, his sister and their families. That’s 22 people in all. It really DOES take a village. Look at that place. No really look now, because it’s gorgeousness will be wiped out like a car bombing by the time that couch and table jumping brood is done with it.

Damn, TWELVE nannies?? Are they sure that’s enough? If I’ve got the right place it only has eleven bedrooms, so there will probably be some bed sharing going on. Since Angie sleeps in her custom black mohogany coffin and from the look of Brad’s face he doesn’t sleep at all, there will only have to be a few bunk sharers or floor dwellers. (Don’t EVEN look at me bitches ~ Zahara). No, you know they have all twelve nannies piled up like laundry on the smallest bed so it’s all good.

In other Brad and Angie news, the marriage rumors, take 5832, are back and Gossip Cop (via OK Magazine) is saying they’re REALLY for honest for seriously true tying the knot this summer and getting matching tattoos to mark the occasion since Angie has two inches of un-inked real estate left. Supposedly they can’t agree on where to get them or what type of tattoo to get. Angie wants an artsy one only she can understand, and Brad is leaning towards a cartoon character. The jokes write themselves. These two need to just go ahead and jump the broom already, because this shit got old 450 announcements ago and nobody will care when they finally Hoveround their old asses up to the altar. Hell, nobody cares now.

Kris Jenner Is A Shameless Whore, Water Is Wet

Get your overstuffed ass out to pasture OLD kash kow Kim, there’s a new boo in Kris Jenner‘s life. At least, Kris would love for there to be… a new Honey Boo Boo to be more specific. Just a couple of weeks ago Kris was turning her overly manicured nose up and shame, shame, shame on you-ing at Mama June for her child whoring ways and for being “classless”. I’ll wait a minute for the laughter to subside.

Now Kris wants to manage Honey Boo Boo. Mmmmhmmm.

So Hollywood Life has the scoop on Kris’s amazing turnaround, based solely on her love for children and not at all by the realization that she’s thisclose to being ousted by some 7 year old hillbilly beauty pageant princess. And if you can’t get richer by pimping your own kids any more, why not get richer by pimping your replacement?? You have to slow clap for Kris’s dedication to whoring and her complete lack of dignity and self respect. Bitch is on her game.

At this point, Kris is just extending the hand(cuff) and Mama June hasn’t talked to her about it. Please Universe, if this meeting ever does occur, let Mama June have one of her famous gas attacks, and let her burp and fart and laugh in Kris’s begging face with a mouthful of half chewed sketti as Honey Boo Boo snaps TWO Z’s!!!! And let the cameras capture every delicious second of it. AMEN.

Bun In The Too Easy Bake Oven

Rachel Uchitel, one of the chicks who’s famous for doing down and dirty Ambien-induced ho shit with Tiger Woods, is pregnant and this time she thinks she knows who the father is! Or at least that’s what she’s telling her husband. TMZ reports that Rachel’s developing crotch fruit should be ripe for the picking sometime in April. They did maths and came up with the date from Rachel’s tweet with this pic and “Expecting big things for 2012… Five down, Four months to go.” She married Matt Hahn, the only man on Earth who’s never heard the old saying that you can’t make a ho a housewife, in a secret ceremony in October. I wonder if the bride wore white? Hey, cum stains are white, so. Pristine.

So if the baby is due in April, and they of course saved sex for their wedding night (aaahahahhaha), this miraculous bebeh will only take 7 months to fully cook! Fast, just like momma. Someone should tell Matt that butt secks does not result in babies. No, on second thought don’t, and let him love the little bundle of joy when he comes out with a lovely tan, looks suspiciously like the pool boy and has a propensity for speaking Spanish.

Congrats to the happy couple! And little one, hold out for a c-section. You don’t want to slide down that.