One of these days, the estate of Harper Lee will announce she left behind the real sequel to To Kill A Mockingbird called To Cover Thy Nose, and it will be all about the legal battle over Brandi Glanville saying Joanna Krupa had a stank puss. Unfortunately, Harper never lived to see the resolution, as TMZ reports Joanna and Brandi reached a settlement. So the confused-looking Real Housewives of Miami star withdrew her defamation suit against that hot mess of Beverly Hills.
Brandi Glanville spent most of last week publicly fighting with her ex of eight years Eddie Cibrian over allegations that LeAnn Rimes had been social media stalking Brandi. It was all very he said/she said/both of you should stop talking. And for the most part, LeAnn has kept out of it until last week, when she doubled down on the dramatics.
Last week the never-going-to-end triangle between Brand Glanville, her ex Eddie Cibrian and his current wife LeAnn Rimes continued when Brandi accused LeAnn of stalking her and her boyfriend Donald Friese through social media. Eddie shot back by releasing a statement saying LeAnn would never, and accused Brandi of being a drama-creating mess. Brandi would rather wake up with her old nose than stay silent about Eddie and LeAnn, so she responded to his statement.
Last week, Brandi Glanville reminded everyone she still hates her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian and his wife LeAnn Rimes by writing an open letter for The Dirty about the continued dysfunction and LeAnn’s alleged crazy second wife antics. If Eddie and LeAnn were adults, they might have responded with an apathetic shrug. But since drama is Eddie and LeAnn’s favorite marital aid, he has publicly hissed back at Brandi with some accusations of his own.
Any day now, trillions of locusts will swarm the land, Satan will crawl out of Hell to high-five his homeboy Trump and nukes will fly above our heads. And as the world crashes down around us and we all run for our lives, you can count on one thing: Amidst the chaos of it all, LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville will be looking at each other like, “Ewww, your implants are jank, your weave is trash, you totally have cankles and Eddie said my pussy tastes sweeter, bitch!”
LeAnn v. Brandi is the roach of feuds, and like roaches, it apparently can be found amongst the trash and scum. The Dirty recently noticed that Brandi unfollowed her forever arch rival LeAnn on both Twitter and Instagram. James McGibney, the owner of the site BullyVille, tells The Dirty that Brandi broke up with LeAnn on social media after finding out that the diabolical luck dragon allegedly hired a professional troll (and yes, that’s what I write under “occupation” on my tax returns) to stalk and harass her. LeAnn Rimes is 34 years old. I’m pointing that out, because I’m around her age and I thought I acted like a bitchy immature tween (see: Everything I write on this blog and the fact that I asked my friend if my ex’s current boyfriend is hotter than me. The answer was yes.) But this two Dollar Tree clearance bin Regina George has me beat.
The Women’s March brought out millions of people and it was inspiring. But I’m sorry, it paled in comparison to the gigantic act of pure feminism that happened when Brandi Glanville declared on live TV that Joanna Krupa’s down-low bits makes cats sing The Meow Mix Song because it smells like 6am at Pike Place Fish Market.