Bradley Cooper’s beard sure does look prickly. The one on his face looks pretty scratchy too. I know, I know. It’s Monday, don’t strain yourself. I’ll GONG myself for that one.
Just a few days ago, Bradley Cooper and his piece of the moment Irina Shayk were acting all lovey and shit at Wimbledon, but when they went back for yesterday’s men’s finals, they may have given us a different story. During the match, the camera panned to the audience and caught Irina making the same face I made when I read that B. Coop cast Lady GaGa in A Star Is Born. It also looked like he threw her a smug look that said, “Really, you’re going to do this now? I should dock your pay for this shit.” If you haven’t already, watch it and get into it:
Part of me watches that and sees nothing. It looks like Irina is bored and picking the gooey sleepies out of her eye while B. Coop talks with the person sitting next to her. The other part me (aka the one who lives to make messy drama out of nothing) sees a fight!
For what it’s worth (read: not much), a “source” tells E! News that B. Coop and Irina were totally not fighting: “They were not fighting. Everything is fine”
And I bet that when Taylor Swift’s PR team watched that video, they all screamed “Motherfucking shit!” at the same time before crossing off “get into a fight at a high profile sporting event” from their list of “Ways To Set Up The Split.”
The third remake of A Star Is Born has been in the works for what feels like a century. Clint Eastwood was originally going to direct and he wanted his beloved empty chair to star as the Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand role (if only). Clint wanted Beyonce and when Beyonce checked out due to “scheduling conflicts,” he started talking to Esperanza Spalding about the role. Pepaw Clint could never get the remake out of “development hell,” because he couldn’t get a big name to sign on to the male lead. Clint tried to get Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Tommy Cruise, Will Smith, Gerard Butler and Christian Bale, but all of them dropped a big messy NO on that offer. Clint eventually got over that shit and dropped out as director. Bradley Cooper decided that he wanted to be the one to butcher A Star Is Born, so he signed on as director and the male lead. Beyonce was once again thinking about bringing her flawless acting skills to the remake, but she turned it down for good, because she apparently costs too much. And now it looks like Lady Gaga is going to do it. A Mess Is Born is back on track!
Everyone must’ve kept heir vagines bare last night and didn’t wear chonies, because as soon as the Met Gala co-chair Idris Elba hit the carpet, panties should’ve dropped like Carly Fiorina introducing our “next president” Ted Cruz. Either that or all of those famous assholes were too stuck on themselves to notice hotness on the carpet.
Idris led the Hot Dudes in Tuxes parade, which included Alexander Skarsgard, Rami Malek, Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones, Tom Hiddleston, Paul Rudd, Jack Huston and Colin Farrell, who looks like he actually let someone spray the layers of grease off of his body with a garden hose. None of those dudes really played with the theme. I wish that at least one of those tricks took a page out of Madge’s thirsty ass playbook by wearing something like this:
Elegant, demure and totally ON THEME!
I spoke of cruelty earlier, the cruel possibility of people sullying Prince’s holy name by messing with and releasing music that was locked away. Just like the fear of pain at the sight of a doctor’s needle, it is the anticipation, the threat, that is the worst part. And now we’ve been threatened again. Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga were seen having dinner together last night in L.A.. Which can only mean one, horrific thing… not that I’m speculating or being unfounded…
The last time we checked in with Bradley Cooper’s sure to be definitely good and not a disaster remake of A Star Is Born, all of our silver screen dreams were shattered because Warner Bros. told Beyonce to go call Becky with good hair when they saw how much money she wanted to star in this mess. Knowing that, the only logical conclusion we can come to about why BCoop and Gaga dined together is because he’s now wooing her to be his leading lady. Right? What else could it be. Nothing.
A Star Is Born starring Beyonce and directed by BCoop would have probably been the most incredible thing to ever get nominated for a Razzie, but I’ll take Lady Gaga in it. It’s going to take it from Obsessed 2: Ali’s Revenge to an art school production of Auntie Mame starring a cruise ship drag queen. And here’s Mr Director and his maybe Actress arriving to dinner on a motorcycle:
Even though another remake of A Star Is Born directed by Bradley Cooper sounds like Aloha-levels of bad, it’s still going to happen. The last time we checked, Bradley really wanted aspiring Oscar-winner Beyonce to bring her expert line-reading skills to the lead role. Unfortunately, it sounds like A Star Is BEYONCE! isn’t going to happen, because she’s too expensive.
That loud grinding noise you just heard was the sound of a thousand models for hire taking their potential girlfriend resume package and throwing it into the paper shredder, because it turns out Bradley Cooper isn’t actually looking for new applicants right now.
Yesterday, The Sun was telling everyone that Bradley Cooper’s latest model girlfriend, Irina Shayk, had been given her two weeks notice because she wasn’t getting along with his mommy, Gloria Campano. Unfortunately for all the model types who were hoping this might be their chance to break into the professional girlfriend game, E! says the position of B. Coop’s girlfriend is still being filled by Irina Shayk.
According to a source, who I’m sure totally isn’t Irina Shayk’s agent, Bradley and Irina are still “very much together.” The source also shut down that rumor that Irina and Gloria hate each other by saying: “They are extremely close and hang out even when Bradley is not around. They have a vacation coming up as well.” The source then added: “They’re super super close, okay? They text all the time. They have BFF heart necklaces and matching lower-back tattoos. Irina made Gloria a friendship bracelet and she wore it till it got all gross and fell off. Would two people who aren’t completely real friends do that? Exactly.”
Bradley and Irina wasted no time in backing up E!’s story by strolling around for the paps in NYC on Sunday night. The Daily Mail has the riveting pictures. You know, if Bradley Cooper is ever looking for a little extra work, I’d suggest he offer to teach a class at The Learning Annex on how to get pap-ready in such a short amount of time. “Irina, hand me paddle brush and a can of dry shampoo. NO, NOT THE BATISTE, IRINA – THE GOOD STUFF.”
Pic: Pacific Coast News