You may have read that headline and looked at that picture and thought, “I don’t see her holding a copy of Artpop.”
The National Board of Review ceremony happened in NYC last night, and the winners were announced in November, so Lady Gaga already knew she won Best Actress. She didn’t have to worry about straining her Botoxed face muscles while trying to look happy as either Glenn Close or Olivia Colman took the win. A Star Is Born also won one National Board of Review awards for Bradley Cooper (Best Director), and one for Sam Elliott (Best Supporting Actor). Regina King was also there last night to accept the Best Supporting Actress award, and the cast of Crazy Rich Asians showed up to collect their trophy for Best Ensemble.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
Did you just return from a 2-year Peace Corps stint in the deepest jungles of Borneo? If so, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do! Probably the most important thing that’s happened since you’ve been gone is that the remake of A Star Is Born starring Lady Gaga finally opened! I know, can you believe it? I never thought the blessed day would come either but it did. And boy did it come hard. And long. It was pretty much like a drawn out, Sting-like tantric orgasm only replace Sting with leather faced, gravel gargling Bradley Cooper. The Golden Globes are on Sunday and the film’s up for a gang of awards. So naturally, the marketing department is keen to boost the movie’s profile by installing a giant Billboard on Sunset Boulevard, identical to the one that appears in the movie of Gaga’s character, Ally. See, I told you this movie was a big fucking deal!
In case you’ve been living in a hole miles away from civilization (which, in 2018 – I would not blame you), then you might not know that Lady Gaga is getting a lot of awards season buzz for her performance in A Star is Born. The Oscars are still three months away, which means we’ve got three months of awards that Lady Gaga could potentially win for her performance of
brown-haired Lady Gaga Ally Maine. First up, a Best Actress award from The National Board of Review.
Yesterday there was cause for concern about robots taking over the fast food industry and turning people into hamburgers. Today we can go ahead and crank the dial up on that robot army alarm because Gagabot 3000 will not be stopped until every man, woman, and child has heard its boop-beep-boop message of doom. Lady Gaga has been repeating the exact same message about it only taking 1 person named Bradley Cooper out of a crowd of 100 people not named Bradley Cooper, to believe that Lady Gaga could be a movie star; over, and over, and over again, like a broken Carl Sagan Voyager Golden Record. I don’t know exactly what Gagabot 3000’s ultimate plan is, but I’m sure it’s not good!
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk are one of those couples that lays pretty low and live a relatively private life. Last week, we got a Bradley and Irina sighting when they were photographed taking their daughter Lea out for a walk, and they appeared to be serving some happy family realness. But as Page Six reports, Bradley and Irina are reportedly “miserable,” together. If you really want to know what a miserable Bradley and Irina might look, here – just take a second look at Bradley and Irina bringing ten tons of over-it grumpiness at Wimbledon two years ago.