The shady paycheck-analyzing bitches at Forbes have released their annual “Actors with too many undeserved dollars in their wallet” list (aka Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors of 2016). For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has topped the list.
Forbes figured out the most overpaid actors like this:
Our rundown of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors looked at the last three films each actor starred in before June 2016, save animated films, movies where the actor appeared in an insignificant role, or movies that were released on fewer than 2,000 screens.We then deducted the estimated production budget from the global box office for each film according to Box Office Mojo to come up with a limited definition of each movie’s operating income. We took the total operating income from the star’s three most recent significant films then divided by the star’s estimated pay for those films to come up with a final return on investment number.
Math isn’t my strongest brain function, so I’m taking Forbes’ word for it.
I screamed “WHAT!” in all-caps too, but then I realized that well, if Jeremy Renner can knock a trick up…
Crispy Ronaldo’s ex and Bradley Cooper’s current piece Irina Shayk walked the runway at tonight’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Paris, and she tried to distract eyeballs from her teeny tiny bump area by wearing a lace garter belt, a silk trench robe thing and red sparkly fringe. Shortly after Irina sashayed down the runway looking like she’s got a touch of the CASE OF THE BABIES, E! News magically put up a story about how she’s pregnant with the master manipulator’s baby. Irina and B. Coop have been a thing since around April 2015.
According to one insider, the pregnant star is in her second trimester and is “so excited” about becoming a mother for the very first time. Bradley’s rep did not respond to requests for comment on the happy news, however, Irina’s rep had no comment.
Irina managed to snatch the spotlight from the Trifecta of Dead Eyes (Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner) and the other Victoria’s Secret models, so after I slow clap for her for getting that baby bonus money, I’m going to slow clap for her getting all of the attention tonight. But really, I’m sure Bradley Cooper is going to make a wonderful father. We all saw how gentle he was with the real star of American Sniper.
And if 2017 wants to distance itself from 2016 and give us petty bitches a gift, then B. Coop and Irina will name their child Victor Garber Cooper-Shayk if it’s a boy and Victoria Garber Cooper-Shayk if it’s a girl. Give this to us, petty gods, please!
But of course they have! What would a professional relationship agreement be without a section outlining the conversation of marriage? “Section 4.2: In the event both parties don’t totally hate each other, a formal marriage proposal will be discussed. Dream wedding optional.”
E! News says that Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk have decided to take their year-and-a-half long relationship to the next level, which in the world of celebrities is putting it out there that they’re “discussing” marriage. A source says that they’re in an “extremely happy place” and have been discussing both the options of marriage and kids.
If you just got the feeling of déjà vu, it’s probably because we’ve already heard this story about a year ago. Except this time it comes with an addendum about a vacation. The source tells E! that Bradley and Irina are reportedly planning a tropical holiday. A vacation that could end with a ring on that finger, right source? But it could also end with pictures of Bradley eye-shanking Irina after she returns from the swim-up bar with a margarita (“OhMyGod did I or did I not ask for a Mai Tai“).
If Bradley and Irina’s “discussions” of marriage materialize into the real thing, this will be Irina’s first marriage and Bradley’s second. Bradley Cooper was married for four months to Jennifer Esposito. I’m sure Jennifer would be more than willing to give Irina some advice on being the next “Mrs. Master Manipulator.”
Bradley Cooper’s beard sure does look prickly. The one on his face looks pretty scratchy too. I know, I know. It’s Monday, don’t strain yourself. I’ll GONG myself for that one.
Just a few days ago, Bradley Cooper and his piece of the moment Irina Shayk were acting all lovey and shit at Wimbledon, but when they went back for yesterday’s men’s finals, they may have given us a different story. During the match, the camera panned to the audience and caught Irina making the same face I made when I read that B. Coop cast Lady GaGa in A Star Is Born. It also looked like he threw her a smug look that said, “Really, you’re going to do this now? I should dock your pay for this shit.” If you haven’t already, watch it and get into it:
Part of me watches that and sees nothing. It looks like Irina is bored and picking the gooey sleepies out of her eye while B. Coop talks with the person sitting next to her. The other part me (aka the one who lives to make messy drama out of nothing) sees a fight!
For what it’s worth (read: not much), a “source” tells E! News that B. Coop and Irina were totally not fighting: “They were not fighting. Everything is fine”
And I bet that when Taylor Swift’s PR team watched that video, they all screamed “Motherfucking shit!” at the same time before crossing off “get into a fight at a high profile sporting event” from their list of “Ways To Set Up The Split.”
The third remake of A Star Is Born has been in the works for what feels like a century. Clint Eastwood was originally going to direct and he wanted his beloved empty chair to star as the Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand role (if only). Clint wanted Beyonce and when Beyonce checked out due to “scheduling conflicts,” he started talking to Esperanza Spalding about the role. Pepaw Clint could never get the remake out of “development hell,” because he couldn’t get a big name to sign on to the male lead. Clint tried to get Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Tommy Cruise, Will Smith, Gerard Butler and Christian Bale, but all of them dropped a big messy NO on that offer. Clint eventually got over that shit and dropped out as director. Bradley Cooper decided that he wanted to be the one to butcher A Star Is Born, so he signed on as director and the male lead. Beyonce was once again thinking about bringing her flawless acting skills to the remake, but she turned it down for good, because she apparently costs too much. And now it looks like Lady Gaga is going to do it. A Mess Is Born is back on track!
Everyone must’ve kept heir vagines bare last night and didn’t wear chonies, because as soon as the Met Gala co-chair Idris Elba hit the carpet, panties should’ve dropped like Carly Fiorina introducing our “next president” Ted Cruz. Either that or all of those famous assholes were too stuck on themselves to notice hotness on the carpet.
Idris led the Hot Dudes in Tuxes parade, which included Alexander Skarsgard, Rami Malek, Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones, Tom Hiddleston, Paul Rudd, Jack Huston and Colin Farrell, who looks like he actually let someone spray the layers of grease off of his body with a garden hose. None of those dudes really played with the theme. I wish that at least one of those tricks took a page out of Madge’s thirsty ass playbook by wearing something like this:
Elegant, demure and totally ON THEME!