While Tom Hiddleston is off staring into a bathroom mirror and tearily trying to convince his reflection that he totally could have been James Bond, Hugh Jackman legitimately could have been Bond. But according to Hugh, he turned it down.
Here you go, Tom Hiddleston – it’s my treat to you: the perfect picture to print out and tape to your mirror if you’re the type who likes to shout out their emotions at physical symbols of their sadness. Well, you know, when you’re done screaming at that cursed I Heart TS tank top, of course.
Page Six says that the seemingly never-ending search for the new James Bond is over and it’s….Daniel Craig. Congratulations, Daniel Craig, you did it!
Last week, the always-truthful British literary periodical known as The Sun said that Bond producer Barbara Broccoli and the head bitches at Sony came up with a short list of actors who could possibly replace STAINS eyeball twin Daniel Craig if he really decides to hang up his tux for good. Idris Elba, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Fassbender, Luke Evans, Aidan Turner, Charlie Hunnam, James Norton and Billy Elliot were all on that short list, according to The Sun. But well, the always-truthful American literary periodical known as Radar claims that the head bitches at Sony aren’t even thinking about touching that short list and are instead sending dump trucks full of gold bars to Daniel Craig’s house, because they really, really want him back. Those around Tom Hiddleston better brace their eardrums, because I have a feeling that the internal scream he’s been holding in for months is going to come shooting out of his mouth when he finds out that he dad-danced at a Selena Gomez concert and played patty cake with Taylor Swift’s cats for NOTHING!
Praise be to the publicity stunt relationship gods up above! Unless it’s an emergency, don’t count on being able to reach Tom Hiddleston anytime in the next 24 hours. He’s going to be busy saying 1000 Hail Taylors on the James Bond rosary he made from threading a dozen martini olives onto a black bow tie.
Earlier this month, author Frederick Forsyth claimed that a source had told him that there was “no way” Bond producer Barbara Broccoli was going to pick Tom Hiddleston as Daniel Craig’s replacement. But according to Express UK, Frederick’s source was wrong. They say that Barbara Broccoli hasn’t completely crossed Tom’s name off her list.
Since he’s still got a chance, Tom has reportedly been trying to show everyone that he can do it. A source tells Express UK that he’s been trying to prove that he’s as tough as Daniel Craig by performing some of his own stunts on the set of Thor: Ragnarok. The source adds that when Tom isn’t being Taylor Swift’s boyfriend in the US, he’s “subtly campaigning” for the role by running, lifting weights, and hanging around the stunt department on the Australian set.
Did that source even have to specify that he’s being subtle? Why, “Subtle” is practically his middle name. You know, I’d hate for all that subtlety to go over Barbara Broccoli’s head. If he really wants to get the message across, he should probably start showing up to set in a tuxedo with his head poking out of a giant cardboard cutout of the inside of a gun barrel.
Here’s Tom looking like Loki in Richard Lewis drag on the set of Thor 3 with a Thor-ed up Chris Hemsworth this past weekend.
The vaginas of Tumblr are collectively shaking. Just like how James Bond prefers his martinis.
There was a rumor that Daniel Craig was offered $100 million to play Bond two more times, but he turned down that offer, because he’s completely over wearing a tux and fake fucking Bond Girls. Or he turned it down because he has realized that money is the root of all evil and he’s giving his entire fortune away to charity before he begins his pure life in a nudist colony in the middle of the forest somewhere. If that’s the case, I’ll also be giving away my fortune (of a raggedy She-Ra action figure and a checking account with a negative balance) to join him.
But really, the site Birth. Movies. Death claims that producers have seriously begun talking to Tom Hiddleston about taking over as Bond. Shit is so serious that Tom isn’t in beginners talks, or even in intermediate talks. He’s in ADVANCED talks with producers.
Choosing words carefully, our source confirms that while talks have indeed taken place, and that Hiddleston very much wants the job (a fact of which he’s made no secret), no official offer has been made – yet.
B.M.D. thinks that either Daniel Craig has definitely hung up his Bond swim chonies for good and the role is open. Or they think that producers are talking to other actors so that Daniel Craig realizes they’re looking to replace him and signs another contract. You know, kind of like the time when you wanted to get your ex-piece to take you back, so you tried to make him jealous by showing up to the club with a hot Craigslist hustler you paid to hump on you? What? Just me? Okay.
If any of this is true, then Idris Elba is being robbed, which is very “street” of those producers.
The producers probably want Tom Hiddleston, because they know that if they include at least one scene where he exposes his ass cheeks, they’ll make $1 billion in one weekend. All of the Hiddlestoners will watch and pay to see every screening until their coochies explode, and even then, they’ll just slap a Band-Aid on it and watch the next screening. There’s also reports that Jamie Bell is in talks to play Bond. Idris Elba is my only real choice for Bond, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Billy Elliot either. I mean, imagine how Billy Elliot would stun his enemies with his jazz hands and fly kicks? Dance, Bond, dance!