Daniel Craig’s last go round (definitely, maybe, probably, I’m sure, unless it isn’t in which case next to last at most but probably last, for sure) as James Bond will be directed by Danny Boyle and, according to Page Six, it will feature a Bond girl who is more than the sum of her parts (traditionally that adds up to tits, ass and a confusing pan-european accent). Danny recently said he wants to make a Bond girl who is compatible with the “modern world”.
Over the years, we’ve heard talk of the possibility of a Black Bond (Idris Elba), we’ve heard talk of a Thirsty Bond (Tom Hiddleston) and there was even talk of an Aussie Bond (Hugh Jackman)! But is the world ready for talk of a Baby Bond? While Flinty Bond (Daniel Craig) still has the role on lockdown for one last go-round, one of the editors on Spectre, Lee Smith, had the brilliant idea that Harry Styles should be the next James Bond, reports The Daily Mail.
While Tom Hiddleston is off staring into a bathroom mirror and tearily trying to convince his reflection that he totally could have been James Bond, Hugh Jackman legitimately could have been Bond. But according to Hugh, he turned it down.
Here you go, Tom Hiddleston – it’s my treat to you: the perfect picture to print out and tape to your mirror if you’re the type who likes to shout out their emotions at physical symbols of their sadness. Well, you know, when you’re done screaming at that cursed I Heart TS tank top, of course.
Page Six says that the seemingly never-ending search for the new James Bond is over and it’s….Daniel Craig. Congratulations, Daniel Craig, you did it!
Last week, the always-truthful British literary periodical known as The Sun said that Bond producer Barbara Broccoli and the head bitches at Sony came up with a short list of actors who could possibly replace STAINS eyeball twin Daniel Craig if he really decides to hang up his tux for good. Idris Elba, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Fassbender, Luke Evans, Aidan Turner, Charlie Hunnam, James Norton and Billy Elliot were all on that short list, according to The Sun. But well, the always-truthful American literary periodical known as Radar claims that the head bitches at Sony aren’t even thinking about touching that short list and are instead sending dump trucks full of gold bars to Daniel Craig’s house, because they really, really want him back. Those around Tom Hiddleston better brace their eardrums, because I have a feeling that the internal scream he’s been holding in for months is going to come shooting out of his mouth when he finds out that he dad-danced at a Selena Gomez concert and played patty cake with Taylor Swift’s cats for NOTHING!