Another season of Dancing With the Stars (or as it’s known in my house, “Okay, but why is the British version called Strictly Come Dancing?“) will soon be upon us. Stars and the star-adjacent are begging their agents or whoever has a phone with a couple free minutes left on it to get them a spot on the 25th season. Handsome house fixer-upper and aspiring Hallmark movie boyfriend Drew Scott was the first to confirm that he has joined the cast. Great news for anyone who has ever wanted to see a come-to-life male department store mannequin attempt to cha-cha-cha. Another cast member that has been confirmed is former Malcolm in the Middle star and sometime mess Frankie Muniz.
Alleged ghost-humper Bobby Brown has written a memoir called Every Little Step, and thanks to a recent interview with 20/20 and some people getting their hands on a copy before its release, we’ve learned a lot, mostly about Whitney Houston.
Bobby claims several things about Whitney like the first time he saw her do coke was on their wedding day, he isn’t the reason she got hooked on drugs, they used to do drugs in the house, he hit her once and she was in a long-term relationship with her assistant Robyn Crawford. Well, Whitney’s mama Cissy Houston isn’t happy that Bobby’s memoir reads like a tacky tell-all about Whitney’s messy life and she’s calling him out.
Cissy has proven many times that she has a very low tolerance for Bobby B’s fuckery (or just fuckery in general, really). So it’s not exactly a surprise that she would swat at Bobby in a statement she gave to People. Especially since Whitney isn’t alive to respond to any of Bobby’s claims and their daughter Bobbi Kristina isn’t alive to help provide the receipts. Cissy’s full read of Bobby is after the cut.
Before today, if you had told me to make a list of the craziest possible confessions to come out of Bobby Brown, I honestly don’t know if I would have guessed that “I had sex with a ghost” would be on that list. “I once snorted coke off Mitzi Mozzarella’s animatronic ass in an abandoned Showbiz Pizza“, sure. But sex with a ghost? That’s a surprise.
According to Bobby Brown, he once had sex with a ghost. And the most shocking part of the story is that he says he wasn’t high out of his mind when it happened. Bobby recently sat down with 20/20 to talk about his memoir, Every Little Step. Obviously Bobby’s book gets into his drug use, as well as his relationship with Whitney Houston and their daughter Bobbi Kristina, which we’ll get to in a second. But he also talks about people he claims to have had sex with in his pre-Whitney years. Like with Janet Jackson. And Madonna. And a ghost.
Just three days after it was revealed that Bobby Brown had knocked up his wife Alicia Etheredge and was about to be a father for the 7th time, the New York Daily News says he’s gone off to rehab. A source close to Bobby B claims that “Bob is in rehab” and speculates that an addiction to coke and booze put him there.
Bobby’s attorney won’t say why he’s there, but he is slapping down the rumor that “Bob” is getting treatment for coke and booze. Of course “Bob Brown” isn’t a cokehead. Bob Brown is a middle-aged dentist whose idea of “doing drugs” is drinking two beers at the office Christmas party and begging the hygienists to dare him to take a hit off the laughing gas.
This isn’t the first time Alicia has had to pack Bobby’s bags for rehab so soon after celebrating a special relationship moment. Bobby hauled ass to rehab less than two months after they got married back in 2012.
As for how long he’ll be in rehab, Bobby B’s attorney says he’ll be out for a performance in South Carolina on March 4th. In case you don’t have a calendar handy, that’s seven days from now. Only a week? Maybe Bobby’s attorney was telling the truth and he really isn’t in rehab for booze and coke after all? Maybe Bobby ran off to rehab after discovering his wife’s positive piss stick in the trash and realizing he was about to have two babies under two years old in the house. “Is it cool if I chill out here for a week? I just need a quiet place to cry.”
I’d say that I’m shocked to learn that things got even more dramatic after Bobbi Kristina Brown’s already very dramatic funeral, but…that would be a lie. And I’m far too bloated from all the cream-covered fruit fermenting in my stomach from yesterday’s National Raspberry Cream Pie Day festivities to be nothing less than totally honest with myself.
A “source” (Bobbi Kristina’s loudmouth aunt Leolah Brown, probably) tells TMZ that Bobby Brown’s wife Alicia Etheredge was rushed to the hospital after suffering a seizure shortly after Bobbi Kristina’s funeral in Atlanta yesterday. Alicia, who gave birth to Bobby’s baby less than a month ago, had just returned to her hotel when it happened. Alicia was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, and she was apparently able to walk when she arrived. TMZ says Bobby B was with her.
Speaking of Aunt Leolah, remember how she had to be escorted out of Bobbi Kristina’s funeral yesterday because she was acting the fool? Well, Bobbi Kristina’s cousin Meeta Brown would like you to know that Leolah Brown is “crazy.” Meeta talked to the paps after Bobbi Kristina’s funeral (you know, as one does) and spilled the T about Aunt Leolah. According to Meeta Brown’s repeated use of the word “crazy“, combined with her constantly rolling eyes and chronic “I can’t with her” face, Aunt Leolah is a mess. She also claimed that the Browns and the Houstons don’t hate each other. Yuh huh. Sure.
But back to Alicia Etheredge. It’s awful that she spent her post-funeral time in the hospital and not back in her hotel room eating snacks from the mini-fridge while watching a Flip or Flop marathon until she felt less sad (aka how I cheer up after a sad day). Especially for something as scary as a seizure. But I guess the silver lining here is that she no longer had to deal with Aunt Leolah. I don’t even know if they were staying in the same hotel, but it doesn’t matter; Aunt Leolah totally sounds like the type to find your room and bang on your door at 3am asking in a whispered yell if you have any extra towels.
Bobbi Kristina Brown’s funeral featured her aunt being forcibly removed for interrupting the eulogy and relatives acting to bar other relatives from taking pictures of Bobbi in her coffin. That’s nice. Wherever she is, Nippy is not amused.
Bobbi Kristina’s aunt Leolah Brown reportedly thought it was appropriate to rise during Bobbi’s other aunt Pat Houston’s speech and start screaming shit. This is not a wedding, Auntie Leolah. No one asked for your input.
An eyewitness tells TMZ, Pat Houston was getting ready to speak when Leolah began screaming, “Pat you know you are wrong for this!”
Security, with the help of Madea (Tyler Perry), escorted her ass out. Inappropriate Auntie Leolah was said to be upset over Pat Houston asking that condolences be sent to a specified charity instead of flowers.
In other “Hatfields and McCoys 2015” news via TMZ, the messy Brown family was reportedly on high alert to prevent the messy Houston family from taking a pic of Bobbi in her casket and selling it. A picture of Bobbi’s mom, Whitney Houston, was taken and sold to a magazine in 2012. The Browns, who were not welcome at Whitney’s services, have assumed that it was the Houstons who were responsible.
If there’s one time people should shut the fuck up and put aside their shit (and their thirst for $$$), it’s someone’s funeral. Save it for Christmas. Save it for the christening. Save it for when my mom’s new boyfriend pulled up to our first time meeting him with his shirt open to his navel and finishing up a can of Bud. (That really happened.)