Category: Blythe Danner

Blythe Danner Slapped At Maureen Dowd For Implying That Goopy Paltrow Was Compliant With Harvey Weinstein

October 19, 2017 / Posted by:

There’s nothing I love more than when Hollywood takes the quill out of its ass and starts a round of infighting through the written word (see The Open Letter Battle of Sinead O’Connor and Miley Cyrus of 2013). The whole Harvey Weinstein sexual assault scandal has now led to an op-ed war, courtesy of Maureen DowdContinue reading

Goopy Paltrow Isn’t Bothered By The Goop Heist And Think It’s Good Publicity

December 11, 2015 / Posted by:

When Goopy Paltrow found out that her Goop pop-up store in Manhattan got robbed of $173,000 in jooree last week, she didn’t scream for the guvnah or for Scotland Yard. Goopy queefed out a steamed ball of excitement over how much publicity her temporary emporium of way-overpriced shit would get. That’s how Goopy’s mom Blythe Danner makes it sound anyway. The thieves got away with a $106,000 vintage Bulgari bracelet, a $43,730 David Weiss bracelet and three Rolexes totaling $23,465. At the New York Women in Film & Television lunch, Page Six asked Blythe Danner about the Goop store getting burgled (Side note: I bust out a giggle on the inside every time I type “burgled.” It’s the litte things…) and she said that Goopy thinks it’s good publicity.

“I called her immediately. And she said, ‘Oh, Mom, it’s OK. It’s good publicity.’ She always has a good spin on things, and I admire her tenacity and her upbeat message.”

Page Six channeled their inner Detective La Toya and asked the question, “Was the heist at Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop store a publicity stunt?” The plot thickens like Goopy’s clit whenever she thinks about getting her vagina steamed. Goopy better find out how to make a vagina steamer out of a hot plate, an empty tin can and unfiltered tap water in prison, because Page Six is on the case. But seriously…

Goopy doesn’t care, because I’m sure all that crap was insured and even though her head is firmly shoved up delusion’s ass, she probably knows that nobody was ever going to buy that crap anyway. So Goop will probably get their money back (hmmm…).  But I don’t think she would care even if it wasn’t insured. Goopy flushes $173,000 down her toilet almost every week. No, really the liquid gold and pink dolphin tears enema she gives herself every week costs $173,000.

And here’s possible criminal STUNT QUEEN Goopy Paltrow at Rob Lowe’s Walk of Fame ceremony in Hollywood the other day.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Gwyneth Paltrow Refers To Her Mother In The Most Goopy Way Imaginable

December 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Shocking, I know: an insufferable snob like Gwyneth Paltrow is an insufferable snob in all aspects of her life, including her own mother. “Ew, we don’t like to use the word mother – it’s just so pedestrian. She’s my biological birth being. Correct yourself, you uncultured skank.” And if you can believe it, it’s actually so much more goopy than that.

According to Page Six, Gwyneth was hanging out in the Hamptons with her ex-husband Chris Martin at a spa. Sleepy McScarf was paying for a one-hour massage for The Corn Broom while she texted away on her exclusive communication instrument (Gwyneth doesn’t use a cellphone like the unwashed masses). A source claims that Chris asked Gwyneth who she was talking to, and she responded: “Blythe Danner“. BLYTHE DANNER??? That bitch name-dropped her own mother! The only way she could have gotten any goopier would be if she had replied: “Blythe Danner, mother of Academy Award-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow“.

Or maybe she responded with “Blythe Danner” because she was mad at Chris Martin and wasn’t in the mood for lighthearted colloquialisms like “mom“. The source says he bought her a massage, but it doesn’t say what kind of massage. I bet she was still pissed off that when she laid down on the massage table, someone started rubbing her back with their hands. “Human hands? Excuse me? Blythe Danner’s daughter would NEVER! Did you run out of imported young tiger paws or something?

Blythe Danner Says That Anti-GOOPers Are Just Jealous And Bored

November 27, 2013 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow came out of Blythe Danner, so what’s a Blythe Danner to do? She can either defend her daughter against the peasant haters until the end or she can ensure that her daughter will never talk to her again by stocking her cupboards with canned cheese. Blythe is choosing to defend Goopy, because say what you want about her pretentious ass, she makes a delicious white truffle, dolphin meat and gold dough pizza. So at the opening of the Off-Broadway play The Commons of Pensacola, Mama GOOP looked down and spit on all the jealous, bored bitches who constantly use their keyboards as a bow to shoot out cunty words about her perfect, amazing daughter. Blythe said this when Naughty But Nice Rob asked for her thoughts on her daughter’s haters:

“I admire her so much. It (the criticism) doesn’t faze her. I think it probably did initially. She said, ‘Mom, I’m going to get this all my life. This is how they see me.’ I feel she’s just extraordinarily accomplished in every area and people don’t like that, some people don’t like that, people who are bored and sit on their asses all day and just tap away. I mean I don’t read any of it, I just find it so disgusting. There is a coarsening of our culture today that is just so tragic.”

Blythe made two good points. Yes, I’m jealous of Goopy, because I too wish that diarrhea was always flowing out of my mouth since it can’t exit through my ass due to the giant stick plugged up in there. (I set myself up for that one, I know.) And Blythe is also right about the coarsening of our world. I mean, Goopy will tell you that the other day she saw a jar of Prego at Bristol Farms. Can you believe that? Prego isn’t even made in Italy! I think it’s made in Camden, New Jersey! Tragic! Disgusting! What is happening to our culture?

And I resemble resent Blythe’s statement. I’ll have her know that yes, I’m bored and yes, I’m tapping out words of hate about Goopy, but I’m doing it while lying down, not sitting down. Get it right, Blythe!

Here’s Blythe with SJP (her co-star in that play) and Amanda Peet (the writer of that play) at the opening of The Commons of Pensacola the other night.

Pics: Wenn.com

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