Category: Blowjobs
Open Post: Hosted By A Man Blowing 783 Bubbles Inside A Bigger Bubble For A World Record
Chang Yu-Te is a Taiwanese bubble master. And, yeah, it’s as cool as it sounds. Chang is the world record holder for blowing the most soap bubbles inside of a much larger bubble. He hit 783! Which is good, I guess? I’m sorry, it’s just such a specific record. But still, far more impressive than my best of exactly zero. Continue reading
In Case You Wanted To Know Who Taught Gwyneth Paltrow How To Give A Blowjob
Goopy Paltrow, seen above doing a perfect impersonation of you every time you see the name “Gwyneth Paltrow” in a headline, is back to give you more material for when your eyes are feeling like they need a good eye-rolling workout. We already know that Goopy could teach a MasterClass on sucking when it comes to giving medical advice, but apparently, Rob Lowe’s wife Sheryl Berkoff taught her how to do a different kind of sucking. If Goopy told me water is wet, I’d need to consult with several water professionals and fish before believing her since bullshit regularly makes an appearance on the tip of her tongue, but I believe her about Sheryl Berkoff. I mean, Sheryl is such a bj aficionado that she married a dude with BLOW in his name.
Andy “The Blowjob” King Has A New, Much Younger Boyfriend
Fyre Festival employee of the year (OK, 3.5 months) Andy King announced on Instagram that “it only took 58 years to find true love.” According to People, Andy, whose claim to fame was demonstrating a high level of dedication to his professional responsibilities and a gag reflex that just won’t quit, has a new gentleman in his life, 26-year-old Craig McBlain. If I’m doing the math right, and I’m probably not, that means Andy spent 32 of those 58 years waiting for Craig to be born.
Important Question: Would You Suck Dick So That Bottles Of Evian Could Be Delivered To Your Shady Boss’ Music Festival?
Move over, Fiji Water Girl. Here cums Evian Dick Sucker!
As Mieka and C.J. have written about on this blog, Netflix and Hulu put out dueling documentaries on the flaming pile of millennial shit known as the Fyre Festival. Both docs show how imprisoned scammer Billy McFarland got way over his douche head and conned Bahamian locals, influencers, investors, and millennials with a musical festival that was supposed to be island luxury wrapped in hipster decadence, but turned out to be as luxurious as a dried-up cheese sandwich. Both docs are also getting shit on themselves, because Hulu paid Billy for his interview, and the Netflix one is produced by Jerry Media who helped promote Fyre Festival. With that being said, I’m sure that Netflix smugly declared that they won the Fyre Festival doc game when they saw footage of event producer Andy King admitting that he nearly sucked customs official dick for bottles of Evian. As someone who has been on a dick sucking date and only got tap water in a Denny’s mug, I’m looking at Andy like, “Oh you fancy huh?”