Reese Witherspoon, Eva Longoria, Kerry Washington and Elizabeth Banks did a roundtable discussion with Entertainment Weekly to talk about the shit women face while working in Hollywood. Laura Jeanne Poon has her own production company (they did Wild and Gone Girl) and says she decided to start producing projects a few years ago after she offered the role of a girlfriend in some piece of trash comedy. She says she was told that a bunch of major actresses in the game were about to scratch each other’s faces off for the role. That dried turd of a script made Laura Jeanne Poon scream, “ENOUGH! I AM AN AMERICAN OSCAR-WINNING CITIZEN ON AMERICAN SOIL AND I DON’T DESERVE THIS!”
“About four years ago, I got sent a script … and it was just awful. It was just a terrible script, and this male star was starring in it, and there was a girlfriend part. And I was like, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me. No, I’m not interested.’ They said, ‘Well, this actress is chasing it, that actress is chasing it.’ Like, three Oscar winners and two huge box-office leading ladies. And I was like, ‘Oh, that’s where we’re at? This is where we’re at? You’re fighting to be the girlfriend in a dumb comedy? For what?’ And by the way, two Oscar winners did it. I was like, ‘I’ve got to do something.’”
And now it’s time to guess!
Guess #1: 2011’s No Strings Attached which starred Oscar winners Natalie Portman and Kevin Kline.
Guess #2: 2011’s Just Go With It which starred Oscar winner Nicole Kidman and Heidi Montag who hasn’t won an Oscar, but everyone assumes a brilliant artist like her has. So maybe Reese figured she’s an Oscar winner too.
Guess #3: 2011’s New Year’s Eve which starred Oscar winners Halle Berry, Hilary Swank and Robert De Niro.
The only one of those guesses that really fits is No Strings Attached. You know, we should be thankful for that dingle, because if it wasn’t for it, Laura Jeanne Poon would have not gone on to star in such thought-provoking, multi-layered and intelligent contributions to cinema like Hot Pursuit and This Means Wear. So at least NSA was good for something!
And here’s the AMERICAN CITIZEN shooting the HBO series Big Little Lies on AMERICAN SOIL in Pasadena, CA.
18-year-old actress Bella Thorne (whose name sounds like a generic brand of poison you buy when you can’t find Belladonna) told Seventeen Magazine a little blind item about a Regina George in her circle who is such a mean-faced corroded bitch that she doesn’t even say “hello” to that ice cold asshole demon when they run into each other. Like, when they’re both in the, like, cafeteria at the same time and Bella’s rival walks by her table, she doesn’t even, like, acknowledge that bitch’s existence. That’s how much Bella hates her and that’s how mean that mean girl is. Bella wouldn’t name names, but she dropped hints. I’m sure that The National Enquirer has put together an entire investigative team that will spend the next 18 months uncovering who the thorn in Thorne’s side is.
In an interview with Man of the World (via ET), Josh Brolin laughed at the young actors nowadays who think they’re hot shit with their leather jackets and their tough dude accents. Josh talked about one actor he worked with and even though he didn’t name names, it’s pretty clear that he’s talking trash about Ryan Gosling. Take it away, Naranja Face:
“I see young Hollywood punks on the set, and it’s funny to me. Because it’s absolutely me all over again. I’m the old guy who’s like, ‘Oh cool, you got your leather jacket and it cost you $400 and you bought it all ripped up!’ I remember a guy I worked with who was from Ontario, but he talked like De Niro. I was like, ‘Holy shit, he’s actually doing De Niro.’ Does he know that I know? I’m not even listening to what he’s saying. It’s fascinating to me.”
It didn’t take long for the Internet to solve that not-so-blind item. Ryan Gosling is from Ontario and he and Josh worked together in Gangster Squad. But Ryan isn’t trying to do De Niro. Ryan’s trying to do Marlon Brando and yes, he’s admitted that shit before. Get it right, Josh. Just for that, Ontario is going to ban Josh Brolin for hating on their hometown prince. And while Josh was laughing at Ryan’s fake Brando accent on the inside, Ryan may have been thinking to himself, “I know this motherfucker is laughing at my fake accent, but I’d rather have a fake accent than be known as a wife-beating bar fighting wreck.”
And here’s a little video Vulture put together of the history of Ryan Gosling’s accent:
Blind Item: Which “Incredibly Famous Young Woman” Does Stephen Amell Think Is An “Overly Sexualized Velociraptor”?
Stephen Amell, the dude from Arrow on The CW, had breakfast in L.A. last Tuesday with his wife Cassandra Jean and their 1-year-old daughter Mavi. Everything was all pancakes and rainbows until an “emotional terrorist” walked into the restaurant and Stephen had to clutch his pearls, cover his daughter’s eyes with a Bible and quickly rush his family to the nearest church to dip their eyeballs in holy water after seeing that dark-sided slutty dinosaur. Stephen wrote on Facebook (via ONTD) about how he left a restaurant because he didn’t want his daughter to make eye contact with an “overly sexualized velociraptor.”
Had breakfast on Tuesday in Los Angeles with my wife and daughter. In the midst of marveling at how she’s able to eat pancakes intended for fully grown humans while weighing less than 25 pounds… An incredibly famous young woman came in with her sort of (not really) famous boyfriend. I immediately tensed because I consider this person – as the father of a young girl – to be nothing short of an emotional terrorist. My wife senses this and asks me what’s wrong. I respond that we need to leave immediately for fear my kid and this overly sexualized velociraptor make eye contact even for the briefest of instances. I was dead serious. This is what it’s like to have a daughter.
Even though he said “overly sexualized velociraptor” and not “overly sexualized hillbilly chipmunk,” I’m going to guess Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger?
Overreact: This is how you do it. Dude needs to be fitted for a crown, because he’s the fragile dramatic queen of fragile dramatic queens. I don’t think his 1-year-old even know who Miley Cyrus is. Besides, it’s not like Miley was on top of a table fucking herself with a rolled-up pancake as Patrick poured maple syrup all over her naked body. (Or was she? You never know with Miley.) Nothing is really worth abandoning delicious pancakes for.
I mean, if Billy Ray was with Miley, then I’d totally understand Stephen’s reaction. Because no child should have to look at the possum carcass on Billy Ray’s head.
And “overly sexualized velociraptor” is my new favorite dinosaur. I hope it’s in the next Jurassic Park movie.
While whoring out his new book on Ellen, Mario Lopez talked about the pop star he boned in Las Vegas a few years ago:
“You also admit that you had a one-night stand with a major pop star,” DeGeneres questioned.
“Well, yeah,” Lopez confessed, confirming that the rendezvous took place in Las Vegas. “I’m trying not to give too much away without giving too much away… it was maybe six or seven years ago… eight years ago?”
The Extra host when on to add that he and his former flame are still “friendly,” but refused to answer if he had interviewed the unnamed singer in the years since they slept together.
DeGeneres went on to throw out a few names as possibilities for the woman, guessing Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Celine Dion. Lopez shot back, joking, “Barbra Streisand!” (UsWeekly)
Lance Bass? Jordan Knight? JC Chasez? Clay Aiken? Barry Manilow? Definitely Barry Manilow. Who wouldn’t get on Barry? He probably sings a few bars of “Could It Be Magic” before he busts one. Or maybe Brit Brit Spears? Mario Lopez is a suppository with dimples, but he’s an upgrade from KFed. “Rub your Cheetos clit all over that uncut Mexico chorizo!” – me to 2006 Brit Brit
His attraction for her is understandable. Her attraction for him? Not all that clear, really. Unless size really does matter? For me, no. Size can be uncomfortable. For her, clearly a selling feature. Because she’s been going around telling her friends about it. And her nickname for him, which she hasn’t been shy about sharing, is “Monster Cock“. Which is flattering, I guess, if you’re in college or Vegas. But it’s probably a little immature and maybe even a little disrespectful, all things considered. (Lainey Gossip)
It’s not Ariana Grande Latte and Big Sean, because I don’t think anybody wonders what she sees in him. It’s obvious what she sees in him (PEEEEN). If anything, people are wondering what Big Sean sees in an off-brand Bratz doll that’s been possessed by the devil. It’s not Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin, because the chick in the blind item is telling friends that he “has” a monster cock, not “is” a monster cock. I’ll guess Sean Penn and Charlize Theron. Sean looks like he has a big, scary, veiny dick that can easily pass for a vile meat weasel from King Kong and Charlize is definitely suffering from stage 4 dickmatization.