Category: Blind Items

Blind Item: Which “Incredibly Famous Young Woman” Does Stephen Amell Think Is An “Overly Sexualized Velociraptor”?

February 15, 2015 / Posted by:

Stephen Amell, the dude from Arrow on The CW, had breakfast in L.A. last Tuesday with his wife Cassandra Jean and their 1-year-old daughter Mavi. Everything was all pancakes and rainbows until an “emotional terrorist” walked into the restaurant and Stephen had to clutch his pearls, cover his daughter’s eyes with a Bible and quickly rush his family to the nearest church to dip their eyeballs in holy water after seeing that dark-sided slutty dinosaur. Stephen wrote on Facebook (via ONTD) about how he left a restaurant because he didn’t want his daughter to make eye contact with an “overly sexualized velociraptor.

Had breakfast on Tuesday in Los Angeles with my wife and daughter. In the midst of marveling at how she’s able to eat pancakes intended for fully grown humans while weighing less than 25 pounds… An incredibly famous young woman came in with her sort of (not really) famous boyfriend. I immediately tensed because I consider this person – as the father of a young girl – to be nothing short of an emotional terrorist. My wife senses this and asks me what’s wrong. I respond that we need to leave immediately for fear my kid and this overly sexualized velociraptor make eye contact even for the briefest of instances. I was dead serious. This is what it’s like to have a daughter.

Even though he said “overly sexualized velociraptor” and not “overly sexualized hillbilly chipmunk,” I’m going to guess Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger?

Overreact: This is how you do it. Dude needs to be fitted for a crown, because he’s the fragile dramatic queen of fragile dramatic queens. I don’t think his 1-year-old even know who Miley Cyrus is. Besides, it’s not like Miley was on top of a table fucking herself with a rolled-up pancake as Patrick poured maple syrup all over her naked body. (Or was she? You never know with Miley.) Nothing is really worth abandoning delicious pancakes for.

I mean, if Billy Ray was with Miley, then I’d totally understand Stephen’s reaction. Because no child should have to look at the possum carcass on Billy Ray’s head.

And “overly sexualized velociraptor” is my new favorite dinosaur. I hope it’s in the next Jurassic Park movie.

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

October 2, 2014 / Posted by:

While whoring out his new book on Ellen, Mario Lopez talked about the pop star he boned in Las Vegas a few years ago:

“You also admit that you had a one-night stand with a major pop star,” DeGeneres questioned.

“Well, yeah,” Lopez confessed, confirming that the rendezvous took place in Las Vegas. “I’m trying not to give too much away without giving too much away… it was maybe six or seven years ago… eight years ago?”
The Extra host when on to add that he and his former flame are still “friendly,” but refused to answer if he had interviewed the unnamed singer in the years since they slept together.

DeGeneres went on to throw out a few names as possibilities for the woman, guessing Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Celine Dion. Lopez shot back, joking, “Barbra Streisand!” (UsWeekly)

Lance Bass? Jordan Knight? JC Chasez? Clay Aiken? Barry Manilow? Definitely Barry Manilow. Who wouldn’t get on Barry? He probably sings a few bars of “Could It Be Magic” before he busts one. Or maybe Brit Brit Spears? Mario Lopez is a suppository with dimples, but he’s an upgrade from KFed. “Rub your Cheetos clit all over that uncut Mexico chorizo!” – me to 2006 Brit Brit

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 30, 2014 / Posted by:

His attraction for her is understandable. Her attraction for him? Not all that clear, really. Unless size really does matter? For me, no. Size can be uncomfortable. For her, clearly a selling feature. Because she’s been going around telling her friends about it. And her nickname for him, which she hasn’t been shy about sharing, is “Monster Cock“. Which is flattering, I guess, if you’re in college or Vegas. But it’s probably a little immature and maybe even a little disrespectful, all things considered. (Lainey Gossip)

It’s not Ariana Grande Latte and Big Sean, because I don’t think anybody wonders what she sees in him. It’s obvious what she sees in him (PEEEEN). If anything, people are wondering what Big Sean sees in an off-brand Bratz doll that’s been possessed by the devil. It’s not Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin, because the chick in the blind item is telling friends that he “has” a monster cock, not “is” a monster cock. I’ll guess Sean Penn and Charlize Theron. Sean looks like he has a big, scary, veiny dick that can easily pass for a vile meat weasel from King Kong and Charlize is definitely suffering from stage 4 dickmatization.

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 24, 2014 / Posted by:

She started out as a song girl, then acted, keeps trying to do both. At the beginning it was promising but mostly, over the last few years, it’s been a series of disappointments. Personally though, she seemed to have it together. A steady relationship, a solid commitment, no drama…

Or maybe it’s because we weren’t paying attention.

She and her playing partner have been having problems for a while. They’ve been trying hard to work it out. But that might not turn out so well if she finds out that he hooked up with a much more successful song girl, someone with a similar early sound and origin, though that’s evolving now. Despite her many changes, contrived or organic, this was probably not the intended image. (Lainey Gossip)

Not Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande Latte, because that guess became null and void at “steady relationship.” Not Mimi, Nick Cannon and Ariana Grande Latte, because Glitter was only “promising” to those of us who live for pink rhinestone-encrusted dried turds. My guess is Mandy Moore, Ryan Adams and that strawberry tart-making, pussy-carrying, home wrecking Holly Hobbie tramp trollop Taylor Swift? I did throw a side-eye at “much more successful song girl.” Mandy Moore will always stand on her tip toes at the highest point of the A-list because of In My Pocket.” 

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 23, 2014 / Posted by:

This wealthy and famous actor/director/etc. is privately talking about how happy he is that he is going to be a father for the first time. However, the situation is not exactly what it appears to be!

It is true that his girlfriend is pregnant. It is also true that she is carrying his baby. However, it would be more accurate to call her his “girlfriend.” She conceived using his sperm, but they did not have sex. She is basically a combination of beard and surrogate… and is being paid very handsomely to fulfill both roles!

Given how rich, famous and powerful he is, it would be a real coup for the gay community for him to come out. However, a painful childhood causes him to be very secretive about his personal life. For better or worse, do not expect him to come out anytime soon. (Blind Gossip)

This item has 20/20 vision. It’s the opposite of blind. Tyler Perry? A few blogs have said that Tyler Perry supposedly announced that he’s going to be a father at his huge, fancy 45th birthday party over the weekend. Media TakeOut (so swallow this with several grains of salt) says that Tyler didn’t only come out as a future father at his birthday party, he also came flying out of the closet and told all his friends that he’s gay. Whatever the case may be and if this is true, then congratulations to that baby. Yes, that baby will have to suffer a bit by sitting through its daddy’s movies, but it’ll also have OPRAH as an auntie/godmother. And yes, that baby will have to learn how to sleep with its eyes open while Tia Oprah gives one of her life lectures full of sanctimonious words of wisdom, but she’ll probably take it shopping for pony farms and small countries afterward.

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Our sexy TV actress seems to have quickly rebounded from a bitter breakup with her longtime beau. But her new hunky man isn’t as perfect as she wants us to believe. The problem: he has the body of a Greek god, but between the sheets, his personal equipment is only so-so. What’s a girl to do? Behind his back this actress is still shacking up with her well endowed ex. (Janet Charlton)

Sofia Vergara, Joe ManJello and that leaky Diva Cup known as Nick Loeb? In my mind, Joe ManJello is Big Dick Richie and his dick is so big that it can lift 300 pounds and it eats 4 pounds of raw steak daily. But if there’s a sliver of truth to this blind item, then who cares? He’s Joe ManJello! Who cares if his erect peen is about as big as an Ikea wooden dowel. Make that shit work. I’m sure his fingers are 9 inches and girthy, and if not, throw a strap-on on him. He’s Joe ManJello!

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 10, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s an hour to fly from Toronto to New York. By the time you go up, it’s almost like you have to go down again.

But she was desperate, desperate for a drink. Even before take-off. Which was not allowed on this flight. She was told she’d have to wait. And she didn’t want to wait. Caused a stink about having to wait. Huffing and puffing, sweet features morphed into an off-putting bitch scowl. It was a scene. And she didn’t stop bitching until they put the first jack and coke in front of her once the seatbelt sign had been turned off.

That was followed by two more. Three jack and cokes on the flight.

So, maybe she’s afraid to fly. Maybe it was a terrible day. But with her history, and it wasn’t all that long ago, and the shitty influences she has around her, this is probably a concern, non? (Lainey Gossip)

The thought bubble above my head pictured Laura Jean Poon (aka Reese Witherspoon), but I don’t think it’s her, because I don’t know of any shitty influences around her (she IS the shitty influence). Besides, Laura Jean Poon doesn’t screw around and she’s the type who’d smuggle in her own bottles of Jack and Coke onto a plane. I’m going to guess Selena Gomez and I don’t really blame her. If you were dickmatized by Justin Bieber, you’d need more than a few Jack and Cokes to deal with that tragic fact.

With this former A+ list athlete still with A+ list name recognition back to his old sleeping with waitresses days, his girlfriend was overheard telling another woman that she is looking for a big payday to stay quiet. (CDAN)

Tiger Woods and Lindsay Vonn? But Tiger Woods wet humping on some waitress in the parking lot of a Waffle House is such a non-shock that it isn’t even worth 50 cents in “hush money.” That said, #getmoneyvonn.

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

September 5, 2014 / Posted by:

This pairing could result in several number one records. In a private room in a restaurant out of the country, this couple had a date. Just the two of them. An A+ list singer and an A+ list mostly movie actor. They have been planning this one for awhile. Three hours and I don’t think they were talking about her movie career or his sometime girlfriend who was half a world away. (CDAN)

Taylor Swift and either Leonardo DiCatchAHo or Bradley Cooper, both of which she’s supposedly tried to get on in the past. Tay Tay and DiCatchAHo make sense, because he’s run out of Victoria’s Secret Angels to bone and she’s the closest thing to an Angel since she’s Single White Female-ing one. Tay Tay and B. Coop also make sense, because she’s one of the most prolific beards in the game and he’s probably getting sick of being with an amateur (see: that Sookeh Waterhouse girl) and is craving the best.

At dinner the other night with several friends in attendance, this former B list musician who is still a B list celebrity because of his name pulled out a ring and asked this actress to marry him. Apparently there was a look of horror on the face of the actress and she told him that it wasn’t the time or place right then. Our celebrity slumped back in his seat, but didn’t leave which is what I think most people would have done. (CDAN)

Benji Madden and Cameron Diaz? Why do I have a feeling that she did the same thing the first time he whipped out his peen in front of her?

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

August 15, 2014 / Posted by:

This B+ list mostly television actor who goes from network show to network show is telling friends and co-workers on the set of his new show that his marriage to this A list celebrity singer is over. Apparently she has made it clear she wants to move on. (CDAN)

The first names my brain farted up were Mimi and Nick Cannon. But Nick Cannon’s not exactly a TV show jumper and if they were really over, over, we’d know it, because Mimi’s horny butterfly ass would be running down the streets naked while hunting for new boy toy dick. I also thought of Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes, but LeAnn Rimes’ luck dragon claw will never let go of that dick and the only place she’s considered A-list is a place called the inside of her head.

Josh Duhamel has a new TV show, so this could be about him and Fergie. But the year is 2014 and in the year 2014, is Fergie A-list? If the year was 1984, she’d definitely be A-list since she was on Kids Inc. (aka the biggest show of all-time) then.

The stars of this film recently attended their premiere. Each was accompanied by a significant other or a family member or a publicist. Except for this one actress. She brought THREE bodyguards with her.

WTH? Girl, you’re just walking the red carpet… and you aren’t even one of the top four stars of the film! Do you know how many security guards the four real stars of the film brought with them (two of whom are Academy Award winners)? None! Your costars may just roll their eyes at your antics, but we are going to tell you straight up: You are not doing yourself any favors by giving off airs and playing the diva every time you walk outside. (Blind Gossip »

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Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

August 8, 2014 / Posted by:

We can’t stop laughing over this one about a a certain young actor at a recent party.

Security guards confiscated everyone’s phones before they entered the VIP lounge at this recent music festival. It wasn’t just to preserve the privacy of the celebrities who were there. It was to keep guests from videotaping those who were openly doing drugs. In fact, witnesses watched one famous actor open up a capsule of molly and pour it into his mouth, chased by a drink. At first, the actor was incredibly upbeat and happy. However, after a while, he suddenly had an urge to do something else.

So our actor removed all his clothes. He folded them into a neat pile. Then he lay on the floor – completely naked – and began quietly petting and stroking the carpet.

He didn’t say anything. Just smiled. The people around him, who were all drinking and/or doing drugs, didn’t even blink. “Leave him alone,” they said. “He’s rolling.” (Blind Gossip)

Zac Efron? Make a mental note: If you’re ever going to do molly with Zac Efron, don’t shave or trim your pubes weeks beforehand so he has some luscious carpet to stroke while rolling. And that carpet was immediately pulled off of the floor and it’s being used to make a wig for John Travolta.

What B/C-list mostly movie actress and the textbook example of a beard has been interviewing wealthy men to become her next husband? Does her current “husband” know about this? (CDAN)

Kelly Preston? This better be a work of fiction, because if Kelly Preston and John Travolta’s beard kingdom crumbles, there’s no hope for any beards.

This B list actress is getting married to an A list athlete. She really wants to adopt a child. He thinks it is because she cares about children, but she told her friends she wants to be able to get child support if they divorce since the pre-nup is so strict. (CDAN)

Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade? She needs to take a quick class from Sherri Shepherd’s master gold digging ex.

Which star of an HBO show sent the ad out, looking for love in all the wrong places?

Looking for a dominant lady to kick me in the balls. I want you to totally own my balls with you feet. I have a high pain-tolerance. MAJOR PLUS if you know martial arts kick training. Private / discreet/ Safe!

GUESS WHO? (Naughty But Nice Rob)

Adam from Girls? But who ever this is should hook up with Kate Gosselin, because she’d kick ‘em, punch ‘em, rip ‘em out and feed ‘em to him.

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