While talking to E! News at the ABC TCAs a few days ago, Connie Britton turned that shit into an episode of Before They Were Stars when she said that Scandal’s Katie Lowes, who was also there, used to be her son’s nanny. After Connie said that, people (including Brandon who sent this in to me) who watched Katie on Jimmy Kimmel Live a few months ago suddenly got the image of Katie holding Connie’s baby over the toilet while making shit chanting grunts to lure the caca out of his butt. It’s a living, I guess. Katie told Jimmy that before she got the job on Scandal, she had a bunch of shitty jobs, but the shittiest job (punned on purpose) she ever had was working as a babysitter for a crazy-brained celebrity who didn’t like her baby wearing diapers. It wasn’t a medical thing. Katie said that cloth diapers were around for emergencies or whatever (Side note: If I was that nanny, it would be ALWAYS be an emergency), but she mostly had to rely on the baby letting her know that it was toilet time by making the face you make every time you watch an episode Keeping Up With The Kartrashians.
At the 1:15 mark below, Katie shits out the story and since she signed her name in blood on a non-disclosure agreement she wouldn’t give up the name of crazy bitch who won’t let her baby’s ass be imprisoned by Pampers.
I know a check is a check and I’ve done grosser and more painful things for less money (see: working as a telemarketer for about 6 hours), but damn. I’ll never know how Katie’s shit-summoning grunts didn’t turn into laughs. She should’ve just put on a Justin Bieber song, turned her head and held her breath. That baby’s butt wouldn’t have stopped barfing. Connie (whose ginger hair I just want to roll around on) might’ve outed herself as a member of The Anti-Diaper League, but I’m still not sure. I don’t know if Connie is the “hold my baby over the toilet and make him shit like a bird” type. Yeah, I’m going to go with Alicia Silverstone. Eat like a bird, shit like a bird.
Here’s Connie and her kid Eyob at LAX a couple of days ago.
What Real Housewives husband thinks he is getting away with his current affair. He thinks the woman is wrapped around his finger. She has photos and cell phone video and his perfect world is about to come crashing down. This is a huge one. Tabloid covers for weeks. (CDAN)
Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe from The Real Grifters of New Jersey? I wouldn’t call “probably going to spend a long time making government grilled cheese on a prison cell radiator” as living in a perfect world, but I’ll still guess these two pieces of down river trash. And as his world comes crashing down so will my eyesight, because I know I won’t be able to help myself if the pictures of his greasy orange chimp dick leak.
It’s supposed to a happy day. Especially for a woman. Her weddingday recently was not a happy day. Unfortunately, she made it miserable, for herself and for everyone involved. And you make people miserable on a day that’s about celebration, you can’t really expect them not to talk sh-t about you, right?
She was raging all day. She was pissy about the flowers, she was pissy about the photos. She was so pissed she threatened to fire the florists and the photographers on the spot while they were shooting her in her wedding gown. It was the same with the wedding planner. Soon as she woke up that day, wedding day, she went nuclear on the wedding planner and started rearranging everything by herself. All her vendors were berated, the wedding planner was sobbing. Nothing was right that day. Not even her dress. She only wore it for an hour and then changed.
If you can’t help but be a hideous person on the day that’s supposed to be filled with love and joy… what does every other day look like? Is it too late to reconsider? (Lainey Gossip)
Recently married: Kelly Clarkson, Christina Ricci, Topanga from Boy Meets World, Rose McGowan and Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell and Kelly Clarkson eloped and as much as I’d like to think that Rose used some of her best Jawbreaker lines to curse out bitches at her wedding, I’m going to guess this is Christina Ricci? Or Lainey wrote this blind from the future and she’s talking about Kanye.
This pretty actress already has a couple of children by a couple of different celebrities.
She is almost done with having children. Almost. She has now decided that she wants to have a third child… but not with Daddy 1 or Daddy 2!
That’s right. She has already set her sights on Daddy 3! He is also famous. No big surprise there. They have been quietly seeing each other for a few months now. Daddy 2 (with whom she is in a committed relationship) has no idea. (Blind Gossip)
“Almost” = Almost Famous = Kate Hudson? Since she only procreates with rock stars, I’ll guess the sperm her ovaries have their eyes on belongs to……. Chris Martin? Expose this, Vanity Fair!
This former A++ list politician visited a film set in NYC and spent 45 minutes in a trailer with his main squeeze actress friend. Well, not main squeeze. I mean the guy is married. No one even bat an eye that the two were spending time alone in her trailer. It was the second time he has visited the set but the first time the trailer was rocking. (CDAN)
Bill Clinton and Gina Gershon? Or Bill Clinton and pretty much every actress who shot a movie in NYC recently?
Two unfaithful wives. The First Wife is still trying to figure out if she wants to be one. She and her husband have been through a lot the last few years, on both sides. It was before the trouble though when she had an affair with a colleague — still above the line, but with a smaller spotlight, both compared to First Wife and his own wife who’s just as famous too, and should be just as acclaimed. The affair was intense, so intense that First Wife wanted to end her marriage and he was going to end his marriage but then her husband needed her in crisis. So she helped him recover, and as soon as he healed, she fell apart. By the time she got it together, her moment with her lover had passed. He happily reconnected with his own wife (though she has no idea) while First Wife is struggling with what would have been.
As for the Second Wife – everyone’s been speculating about her infidelity recently but they might be focusing on the wrong target. The right target isn’t a billionaire but he’s a pretty successful player too, albeit on a smaller screen. Their involvement led to an award for her, and a divorce for him. She was attracted to him because “he’s the hot geeky type like her husband”. Both insist that they never moved past suggestive texting and heavy flirting and never ended up consummating their attraction. Bullshit. There was at least one night and that’s why she’s so freaked out about the takedown that’s been coming to her. She’d be happy if they stayed on the current scene they’re on so long as she doesn’t get busted for this one.
PS. Everyone mentioned here is a major celebrity. (Lainey Gossip)
The First Wife is Catherine Zeta-Jones? Around the time that Michael Douglas lied to us all when he said that he had throat cancer (he really had tongue cancer), CZJ was directed in a movie by Bart Freundlich. Bart Freundlich is married to Julianne Moore. CZJ boning on Bart Freundlich is kind of hard to believe. If you even think about cheating on ginger goddess Julianne Moore, your peen will fall to the ground, slither to a storm drain and find its way to HELL. CZJ’s snatch probably knew that Michael Douglas was going to lie about having throat cancer and put the blame on it, so it got revenge by getting on another dick.
The second wife is Goopy Paltrow? Exhibit: A. The only major award that Goopy has won since marrying Chris Martin is the Emmy she got for Glee. I don’t think of any those hos on Glee are married, so I’m guessing this blind is talking about a producer whose name isn’t Ryan Murphy.
Expose her, Vanity Fair! But try to expose her before December 25th so Christmas can come early!
At some point I think people should just get divorced rather than to resort to what this married B list celebrity/reality show host puts female guests through. If you are a stripper or escort or just a pick up he is hiding from his A+ list celebrity wife you have to sign a five page confidentiality agreement that is in Spanish and English and is in BOLD print and to sign it before you ever get a chance to meet with the celebrity. Their photo is also taken signing the agreement and stapled to it. He could just have sex with his wife too I suppose. (CDAN)
Mario Lopez’s wife isn’t even hanging on to the Z list, so I’ll guess Nick Cannon?
It is hard to believe that this former A list tweener was once this naive but for almost a year she had no idea her boyfriend was also sleeping with a guy. A much older guy. So there was our tweener about to have a procedure to take care of her pregnancy and her boyfriend who got her pregnant was having sex with an old man. Must have been one heck of a Thanksgiving at her house. (CDAN)
Miley and Justin Gaston? Or Ashlee Simpson, Ryan Cabrera and Papa Joe? And now I need to go and pour Clorox in my eye sockets until the images drown out.
What young stud recently had a threesome with a mother and her daughter? Hopefully it was enjoyable for all three of them considering he’s been juicing his muscles. Do youthful hormones counteract the supposed dick shrinking effects of steroids? If he doesn’t stop, ironically he might have to start putting his shirt on. Bacne doesn’t look good on Instagram. (Lainey Gossip)
Justin Bieber? Duh. I wouldn’t be surprised if the mother and daughter were Pimp Mama Kris and one of her hos. ILLEGAL! The boiling jizz ceremony from the last episode of American Horror Story: Coven isn’t as dark-sided or disturbing as a threesome involving Justin Bieber and PMK. Get my veil and rosary out of storage, because I need to go to church and be cleansed.
This former A list talk show host who probably wishes she had not got fired so she would still be famous got fired because she snorted lines of coke off her celebrity boss’ desk and bragged about it after. She has been trying to get her old job back but won’t be able to until her old boss moves on. (CDAN)
Whitney Cummings and Chelsea Handler? But Whitney only got fired because Chelsea was pissed she didn’t share. No, I have no idea who this is, but my soul feels like it just inhaled a whole lot of helium from picturing Joy Behar snort a line off the picture of Henry Kissinger that Barbara Walters keeps on her desk.
This actor is getting a divorce. The couple will say that it is due to “irreconcilable differences.” Want to know the real reasons? Of course you do!
There are actually two big reasons for this divorce. We will give you the first: drugs! He has become a total cokehead. He refuses to go to rehab, and she just can’t deal with him anymore. He may be incredibly handsome on the outside, but he is super messed-up on the inside! (Blind Gossip)
Tom Welling? Or Clint Eastwood, because I’m sure Dina Eastwood has caught him snorting Metamucil off of his empty chair’s seat at least once.
This A list mostly movie actor needs to have a hit soon or he is going to drop to B list. Maybe that is why he is going so method for his current role. Anyway our actor was spotted at a club the other night with a guy who is most definitely not his girlfriend. Someone brought out a cell phone to take a photo and our actor went off on the guy and then two others got involved and the guy taking the photo was bombarded by people screaming at him about outing people. No punches were thrown but hey, lots of screaming. A shove perhaps? A finger poke? (CDAN)
Honestly this is the best blind I have heard in awhile. OK, so back a few years ago this at the time A+ list celebrity/singer who really was not doing much singing that was successful and spent most of her time just looking pretty and selling things except when people were calling her fat then she just sold things got cheated on. Well, she had cheated in another relationship so I guess this was karma.
What makes this so amazing is that her A list celebrity boyfriend at the time was so ready to end it that he was trying to do as much damage as he could and had sex with this then, and still now, A list country singer who he had a long history with. They had sex in the bedroom of the house he shared with the A+lister. He was not finished doing damage and hired a look-a-like hooker of the A+list celebrity to come over and she wore the celebrity’s lingerie and one of her wigs and the boyfriend filmed himself having sex with her. He then left the DVD on the nightstand with a note to the celebrity that said have a nice life. (CDAN)
Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo and Carrie Underwears? Who knew that Tony, who looks as dumb as a cracked anal bead and as boring as uncooked oatmeal, had it in him.
Inexplicably, he’s been linked to some really hot, pretty famous women, even though he’s not exactly hot and he behaves, at least artistically, like a douchebag. What’s the attraction? Certainly not his sex moves. This won’t solve the mystery either.
When it’s time to fuck, he doesn’t like doing it at home. Which is weird because, well, he’s really weird about germs and touching. And you’d think his house would be cleaner than a hotel, right? So he and whoever he’s about to do it with are at the hotel. They’re about to do it. Only he won’t take his clothes off. Instead, he’ll always keep his underwear on, looping his dick through the boxer hole so as to minimise as much skin-on-skin contact as possible.
Maybe that’s why it never lasts? (Lainey Gossip)
Some of the known germaphobes of Hollywood are: Howie Mandel, Billy Bob Thornton and Marc Summers.
I don’t thinks it’s Howie Mandel, because Howie Mandel only fucks in a pool full of Purell while two guys in Hazmat suits standby to hose him down. Billy Bob Thornton and St. Angie have probably had blood sex, so he can’t be that much of a germaphobe. And Marc Summers has been married since the beginning of time, so I don’t think it’s him.
I’m going to guess Seth MacFarlane. He kind of fits and he seems like the type who would awkwardly fuck with his clothes on and his dick sticking out of his boxer’s piss pocket like a virgin 9th grader getting it on for the first time in the back of his parent’s car parked in the driveway. But if it’s really that serious and dude can’t take his chonies off to bone, he needs to invest in something called a portable glory hole. He can call John Travolta for a referral.
If there is one thing that publicists never tire of, it’s a staged photo.
Now, we’re not talking about the typical photo of a fake couple on the red carpet, or walking down the street holding hands, or sharing a meal at a public restaurant.
No, the best staged photos aren’t taken in public. The best ones replicate private moments, the ones that you aren’t supposed to see! They are meant to tell a secret story, one where the viewer fantasizes about what happens next.
A good example of this is a photo of a young male star on the floor, entangled with his girlfriend in a loving and “spontaneous” embrace. Of course, everybody has their clothes on, and their faces are cleverly obscured, but the publicists know that you will figure out who this clandestine couple is based on his tattoo… and what comes next based on their position.
Are you buying the hetero image they are trying to give him? Well, you shouldn’t. Because the girl in the photo isn’t the true love of his life. (Blind Gossip)
Harry Styles. Exhibit: EVERYTHING! But if he’s trying to prove he’s straight with this picture, he should’ve probably done a different pose, because it looks like she’s about to peg him missionary-style.
This war between A list mostly movie actresses who are also Academy Award winners has reached epic proportions. #1 won the award but has way less nominations. She is the one who started the fight and has also threatened to expose #2′s infidelities with her leading men. For her part, #2 has threatened to not only expose #1′s infidelities but also release recordings of #1 having sex with a co-star when #1 got too loud and everyone could hear them outside #1′s trailer. (CDAN)
Today, the image of Meryl Streep crouching outside of Julia Roberts‘ trailer door and recording the sex neighs she lets out while screwing her side piece IS taking me higher.
This game show host says he has had more hookers and strippers than Charlie Sheen and now is paying for it. Apparently his engine doesn’t run any longer if you know what I mean. Some kind of infection he picked up and could never shake. It’s not the obvious choice. (CDAN)
The obvious choice would be ALL OF THEM, because all of those game show hosts seem like down low bareback freaks. But I’m going to guess Pat Sajak of Wheel of
It’s an opportunity that’s been withheld from some of the most famous women in the world. It’s considered a major honour – to make the cover, THAT cover, a cover her predecessors had achieved and one that was being offered to her just as she was moving forward with the next stage in her career. It was to be a big deal.
The photo shoot happened. Everyone was happy with the pictures.
And then, well, she did her thing. She did her thing, for several minutes she did her thing, and the world gasped and they gasped and now those pictures, they might not be on the cover anymore.
They’ve told her that they are reconsidering her cover but that she’ll still show up in the pages, just not on the front page.
For prestige, this is definitely a setback. But for sales? And notoriety? And general headline-worthiness? There haven’t been any losses. It…just might be a couple of years before they ask her again. (Lainey Gossip)
After Miley Cyrus made HISTORY by rubbing her flattened Whoopee cushion ass against Robin Thicke’s crotch, Anna Wintour put down the goblet of 12-year-old model tears she was sipping from, summoned over one of her flying monkeys and ordered him to fly to Conde Nast and immediately tell the night person that Miley is cut from the cover of Vogue! But whatever! Miley doesn’t need the cover of Vogue. Fuck those hos. Miley will get the cover of a much more prestigious (or as my little cousin says it, “prestigiduss“) magazine like Girls & Corpses or Hustler.
This married lead singer from one of the most popular musical groups of the 90′s who seemed to always have a million songs on Top 40 is transitioning from a man to a woman. His celebrity wife seems to be ok with it, but she isn’t talking about it, so who knows how she feels. Apparently the singer has a camera crew with him documenting everything. (CDAN)
I know Adam Duritz isn’t married to a celebrity, but I wish he was and I wish this was about him, because he would make a stunningly gorgeous lady pineapple.
She’s beautiful on the outside… and ugly on the inside!
This nasty celebrity – who stars on a current TV show – may well be one of the most unlikeable people on the planet. She is so filled with jealousy and rage that the slightest thing can set her off.
Are you prettier than she is? Do you make more money than she does? Are you getting more attention than she is? Well, you’d better duck, because you’re going to get something thrown at you (accusations, lies, objects)!
Her latest television project is suffering because she is so… insufferable. Two of her co-stars are bailing after only one season with her. That’s all they could take. They are both leaving for the same reason: She is just unbearable to be around.
But Nasty won’t let them leave quietly! Nooo! She has to send parting shots after each of them!
Nasty is spreading rumors that Quitter 1 had an affair with one of the producers and that Quitter 2 is being let go after making outrageous salary demands. Neither of these rumors are true, but if you leave this celeb, she won’t let you go without trying to damage your reputation in some way.
By the way, the two departing cast members are both too classy to even respond to Nasty’s slap in the face. (Blind Gossip)
Naomi Campbell. No question mark needed.
This tries to stay closeted A list mostly movie actor was spotted at the US Open trying everything he could to get the phone number of a male tennis player he especially liked. The actor had watched a doubles match the teen foreign born player was in and then tried to talk to the player afterwards. The player stopped to chat, but let it go at that. The actor tried to follow the player into the men’s locker room, but was barred. He wants the guy’s number and was asking other players who did recognize him for the digits. (CDAN)
Kevin Spacey? If it is Kevin Spacey, then it gives me the sads thinking about what a desperate, failure of a twink hunter he is.
First, Moody showed little emotion whenever the cameras were on her… but she was dishing out some choice tidbits of nastiess when they weren’t! Her comments were directed specifically toward one young female Singer. While the Singer was on stage picking up an award, Moody was doing all kind of grousing. At one point she even turned around and told a young boy bander (who used to date the Singer), “Fuck that bitch! You can do better.” It wasn’t caught on camera, but those around them heard everything! BTW, the Boy Bander didn’t react other than to purse his lips, as if restraining himself from replying.
Second, at one of the after-parties, Moody got friendly with a swirly male singer. By “friendly” we mean “sticking her tongue down his throat”. We can’t say we blame her. After all, a certain foodie found him to be a very tasty snack last year during one of her many extra marital hotel romps. Good thing that Moody’s churlish ex wasn’t in attendance. (Blind Gossip)
My guess is that RiRi is Moody, Boy Bander is Harry Styles, the ex is Taylor Swift and the swirly male singer is Richard Simmons (or Drake). If RiRi told Harry to “fuck that bitch” and Taylor told Harry to “shut the fuck up,” then I guess everybody in the audience was telling each other to fuck off. Who knew that the VMAs was just like your family reunions.
When you are an A+ list reality star and celebrity and everything else and people love spreading gay rumors about you, the last thing you probably need to be doing is having one of the most expensive, well known gay escorts sitting in the back of your town car waiting for you when you emerged from dinner this weekend. (CDAN)
Seacrest! Tell your paid whores to wait at the hotel!
That didn’t take long. This B list mostly television actress from a hit television show who would die if you cast in her a movie had a recent relationship end. It was not as strong of a relationship as she would lead you to believe and had basically already moved on. She is hanging out with her ex, quietly at his place almost every night. This will be revealed. (CDAN)
Eva Longoria and George Clooney?
This current A list celebrity who will go back to B list when his song stops bombarding us daily spent part of the weekend engaging in what he called a little celebration. He always wanted a foursome and he got his wish this weekend. He seemed most excited that they allowed him to take photos and didn’t charge him. (CDAN)
Robin Thicke? And his foursome was probably with three of Miley’s creepy back-up dancing pink bears.
Radar says that a custody war between a world-famous actress and her partner has gotten extra ugly, because he’s using a video of her overdosing against her ass. Radar wouldn’t name names for legal reasons, but they say that the actress is middle-aged, has won many major awards, has starred in dozens of movies and she lost custody of her kids after she got into a major fight with her piece. She’s trying to win back some rights, but that might not happens thanks to the overdose video. Radar put it like this:
Radar has chosen not to identity the superstar caught on camera — other than she is a middle-aged Hollywood figure who has won major international awards for her on-screen work.
But this website can report that a disgruntled former assistant of the actress — she is one of the most recognizable faces to appear on the silver screen and has starred in dozens of films — provided the cell phone video to the woman’s estranged partner.
He subsequently used it in support of his bid to strip her of custodial rights of their children. The case is currently before a judge and remains under court seal. Both parties involved are purportedly prevented from discussing it publicly.
The actress’ assistant told Radar that one day in April of this year, she found the actress convulsing and freaking out on the dining room floor. The assistant says that she thought the actress was dying, so naturally, she pulled out her phone and started recording the whole sad mess, because
people are the fucking worst she thought of herself and didn’t want anyone to think that she murdered the actress. (Um, ok.) After the actress stopped convulsing on the floor and was fully aware again, she refused to go to the hospital for treatment and she really refused to go to rehab. The actress didn’t want the media to find out. Friends say that she always talks about suicide and thinks she’s going to die young like her mother did.
One of the actress’ colleagues testified in court that overdosed after downing a bunch of Xanax, Vicoin, Ambien and 8 bottles of Dom Pérignon.
So here’s the clues:
1. She’s a world-famous superstar type who’s been in a million movies and has won awards.
2. She’s middle-aged. I don’t know if they mean “middle-aged” in Hollywood, which is like 25, or “middle-aged” in real-life, which is like 25.
3. She has no custody of her kids and currently is in a battle with her ex-dude.
4. Her mother died young.
5. She lost custody after getting into a huge fight with her ex-dude.
6. She can afford 8 bottles of Dom.
It’s not Halle Berry, because she still has custody of her kid, her mom is still alive and I don’t think she needs a bunch of pills and booze to turn her into a mess. She’s just naturally like that. If by “middle-aged” they mean 39 and by “major awards” they mean “Best All-Girl Sex Scene at the AVNs,” then I’m guessing this is about Jenna Jameson. Jenna is in a custody battle with her piece Baby Huey, she lost custody of them after beating down her assistant and her mother died young.
And 8 bottles of champagne in one day? Bitch does not screw around. I know, White Oprah is pfft-ing at that since she drinks 8 bottles of Andre for brunch, but that sounds like a nightmare to me. One New Year’s, I drank a bottle and a half of cheap ass champagne and the next day I was crawling up the church steps to ask God to please banish the hangover demon from my body. Nothing will make me scream “Ayúdame!” like a cheap champagne hangover.
This former American Idol top five finalist is about to make news again. She really does love dating married men. I believe this would be marriage number three she has helped destroy. (CDAN)
Fantasia? But Fantasia can’t help it. The bull dozer coochie wants what the bull dozer coochie wants and most of the time it wants married peen.
This pretty star of a television series is finally pregnant with someone she really cares about. Good for her.
Back when she was dating, however, she didn’t want to take the chance of getting pregnant. A former boy bander – whose group had several hits in the 1990s – says that when he was dating her, she always made him wear two condoms.
It was a good thing that she was careful, too. She was cheating on the boy bander (would he now be called a man bander?) with multiple guys the entire time she was dating him. (Blind Gossip)
My only guess is Jennifer Love Hewitt and Rich Cronin? Rich Cronin said on Howard Stern that JLove passed her punane to other dudes while they were together. But Rich Cronin is up in heaven, singing “Summer Girls” to the angels and this blind makes it sound like the boy bander is still alive. So I’ve got nothing.
An award-winning actor was super proud during pride and is seriously considering coming out but was advised against it for now so as not to overshadow the movie. So what if the movie mounts a serious run at being a contender? (Lainey via Blind Gossip)
This A list national news anchor has been paying his trainer six figures a year, and it is not just for training. Our anchor would like you to think it is just for training. He does not like to have to pay for sex. He just likes the fact that it was kept quiet. The trainer has been talking. (CDAN)
Don’t even say this is Anderson Cooper, because he doesn’t have to pay extra for ass. Also, if this is about him, then I guess I’ll have to start actually working out so I can become a trainer and I really don’t want to work out.
This is obviously about Geraldo. Or Shepard Smith?
This almost A list actor who is on a very hit network show and is unfortunately back in movies only cares about himself. That is not a shocker I guess. What is disturbing is the complete meltdown he had in a restaurant when he was yelling at his actress girlfriend because she had not watched his latest project yet even though she had it for a day. She told him she had been really busy working on her movie and had not had a chance. The actor said this was way more important and that she should have found the time. He has that whiny voice too. I’m shocked she did not break up with him right there on the spot. (CDAN)
AssStain Kutcher and Mila Kunis, of course.
A few days ago, a supposed peen-loving Hollywood leading man, put on a mask and peeked out the closet door when he posted a note on Reddit Confessional about what it’s like being a closeted movie star with a beard girlfriend.
I’m a well known American film actor and I’m a closeted homosexual.
I will not reveal who I’ve worked with or what I’ve starred in obviously, as I don’t want to be identified. I love my career, and I know I would lose my leading man status if I ever came out. I feel terribly guilty about many different things.
First of all, I feel like I’m misleading my fans. I know a lot of women watch my movies to watch me, and part of that is fantasy, and I feel like it’s all based on a lie. They do a lot market analysis in Hollywood. I get told about which demographics I do well with, and I feel like I’m misleading so many people, or letting them down. I am dating another well known personality, and we’ve been publicly together for a while now. I know she expects to get married, the press expect us to get married, but of course this would be a great disservice to her. Truth be told I think she knows. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful person and I don’t deserve someone as loving and trusting in my life, and I truly do love her, but I’m not in love with her, and sex with her, despite her beauty, is difficult for me.
I also feel terribly guilty because I know there are so many gay kids out there and I feel like by not coming out, and not providing that public display of being gay and being successful I’m letting them down. Public figures like Ellen DeGeneres coming out when I was younger made a huge difference to me, and I feel like I should be paying it forward, but I’m too afraid of my whole life being ruined.
I’ve only told a few people. I’ve been with two men since my career has started. Both have been, thankfully, very discrete. My two best friends from before I became mainstream know, and have been supportive. I’ve told two gay actors who have come out because I trusted they would keep it to themselves, having been in the same position. They were comforting and told me to do what I needed to do, but it didn’t assuage my guilt at all. I tested the water with my agent, who basically told me “Faggots don’t make it in this town,” and then went on to basically explain that he would never represent a gay man because the effort versus the money just makes it not worth it to him. It frankly terrifies me. I just wanted to get it out there.
Dude also said in the comments under his post that his agent won’t let him come somersaulting out of the closet, because his agent is big shit in Hollywood and he needs a big agent for his career to keep climbing up. He thinks his beard might know that he’s thinking about humping a giant peen when he’s humping her, but he doesn’t want to break up with her, because he’s afraid the tabloids will look deeper into his personal life if he does.
So basically, this dude is American, a big movie star and is dating a famous chick. Yeah, this is probably some fanfiction shit written by a crazed Ryan Gosling fan, but I’ve got nothing better to do than guess. I could give my stank-smelling dog a dry bath or take my car to the gas station car wash or scream at Time Warner and those whores at CBS for keeping me away from Ray Donovan, but I’ll throw out guesses for this probably fake blind item instead.
It’s not Ryan Gosling, because he’s Canadian a Google search tells me that his agent is a woman. It’s not George Clooney, because nobody expects him to put a wedding ring on his finger. It’s not Will Smith, Channing Tatum or Ben Affleck, because they’re all married. That leaves Bradley Cooper! Or maybe this is John Travolta writing as his 20-something self?