18-year-old actress Bella Thorne (whose name sounds like a generic brand of poison you buy when you can’t find Belladonna) told Seventeen Magazine a little blind item about a Regina George in her circle who is such a mean-faced corroded bitch that she doesn’t even say “hello” to that ice cold asshole demon when they run into each other. Like, when they’re both in the, like, cafeteria at the same time and Bella’s rival walks by her table, she doesn’t even, like, acknowledge that bitch’s existence. That’s how much Bella hates her and that’s how mean that mean girl is. Bella wouldn’t name names, but she dropped hints. I’m sure that The National Enquirer has put together an entire investigative team that will spend the next 18 months uncovering who the thorn in Thorne’s side is.
In an interview with Man of the World (via ET), Josh Brolin laughed at the young actors nowadays who think they’re hot shit with their leather jackets and their tough dude accents. Josh talked about one actor he worked with and even though he didn’t name names, it’s pretty clear that he’s talking trash about Ryan Gosling. Take it away, Naranja Face:
“I see young Hollywood punks on the set, and it’s funny to me. Because it’s absolutely me all over again. I’m the old guy who’s like, ‘Oh cool, you got your leather jacket and it cost you $400 and you bought it all ripped up!’ I remember a guy I worked with who was from Ontario, but he talked like De Niro. I was like, ‘Holy shit, he’s actually doing De Niro.’ Does he know that I know? I’m not even listening to what he’s saying. It’s fascinating to me.”
It didn’t take long for the Internet to solve that not-so-blind item. Ryan Gosling is from Ontario and he and Josh worked together in Gangster Squad. But Ryan isn’t trying to do De Niro. Ryan’s trying to do Marlon Brando and yes, he’s admitted that shit before. Get it right, Josh. Just for that, Ontario is going to ban Josh Brolin for hating on their hometown prince. And while Josh was laughing at Ryan’s fake Brando accent on the inside, Ryan may have been thinking to himself, “I know this motherfucker is laughing at my fake accent, but I’d rather have a fake accent than be known as a wife-beating bar fighting wreck.”
And here’s a little video Vulture put together of the history of Ryan Gosling’s accent:
Blind Item: Which “Incredibly Famous Young Woman” Does Stephen Amell Think Is An “Overly Sexualized Velociraptor”?
Stephen Amell, the dude from Arrow on The CW, had breakfast in L.A. last Tuesday with his wife Cassandra Jean and their 1-year-old daughter Mavi. Everything was all pancakes and rainbows until an “emotional terrorist” walked into the restaurant and Stephen had to clutch his pearls, cover his daughter’s eyes with a Bible and quickly rush his family to the nearest church to dip their eyeballs in holy water after seeing that dark-sided slutty dinosaur. Stephen wrote on Facebook (via ONTD) about how he left a restaurant because he didn’t want his daughter to make eye contact with an “overly sexualized velociraptor.”
Had breakfast on Tuesday in Los Angeles with my wife and daughter. In the midst of marveling at how she’s able to eat pancakes intended for fully grown humans while weighing less than 25 pounds… An incredibly famous young woman came in with her sort of (not really) famous boyfriend. I immediately tensed because I consider this person – as the father of a young girl – to be nothing short of an emotional terrorist. My wife senses this and asks me what’s wrong. I respond that we need to leave immediately for fear my kid and this overly sexualized velociraptor make eye contact even for the briefest of instances. I was dead serious. This is what it’s like to have a daughter.
Even though he said “overly sexualized velociraptor” and not “overly sexualized hillbilly chipmunk,” I’m going to guess Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger?
Overreact: This is how you do it. Dude needs to be fitted for a crown, because he’s the fragile dramatic queen of fragile dramatic queens. I don’t think his 1-year-old even know who Miley Cyrus is. Besides, it’s not like Miley was on top of a table fucking herself with a rolled-up pancake as Patrick poured maple syrup all over her naked body. (Or was she? You never know with Miley.) Nothing is really worth abandoning delicious pancakes for.
I mean, if Billy Ray was with Miley, then I’d totally understand Stephen’s reaction. Because no child should have to look at the possum carcass on Billy Ray’s head.
And “overly sexualized velociraptor” is my new favorite dinosaur. I hope it’s in the next Jurassic Park movie.
While whoring out his new book on Ellen, Mario Lopez talked about the pop star he boned in Las Vegas a few years ago:
“You also admit that you had a one-night stand with a major pop star,” DeGeneres questioned.
“Well, yeah,” Lopez confessed, confirming that the rendezvous took place in Las Vegas. “I’m trying not to give too much away without giving too much away… it was maybe six or seven years ago… eight years ago?”
The Extra host when on to add that he and his former flame are still “friendly,” but refused to answer if he had interviewed the unnamed singer in the years since they slept together.
DeGeneres went on to throw out a few names as possibilities for the woman, guessing Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Celine Dion. Lopez shot back, joking, “Barbra Streisand!” (UsWeekly)
Lance Bass? Jordan Knight? JC Chasez? Clay Aiken? Barry Manilow? Definitely Barry Manilow. Who wouldn’t get on Barry? He probably sings a few bars of “Could It Be Magic” before he busts one. Or maybe Brit Brit Spears? Mario Lopez is a suppository with dimples, but he’s an upgrade from KFed. “Rub your Cheetos clit all over that uncut Mexico chorizo!” – me to 2006 Brit Brit
His attraction for her is understandable. Her attraction for him? Not all that clear, really. Unless size really does matter? For me, no. Size can be uncomfortable. For her, clearly a selling feature. Because she’s been going around telling her friends about it. And her nickname for him, which she hasn’t been shy about sharing, is “Monster Cock“. Which is flattering, I guess, if you’re in college or Vegas. But it’s probably a little immature and maybe even a little disrespectful, all things considered. (Lainey Gossip)
It’s not Ariana Grande Latte and Big Sean, because I don’t think anybody wonders what she sees in him. It’s obvious what she sees in him (PEEEEN). If anything, people are wondering what Big Sean sees in an off-brand Bratz doll that’s been possessed by the devil. It’s not Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin, because the chick in the blind item is telling friends that he “has” a monster cock, not “is” a monster cock. I’ll guess Sean Penn and Charlize Theron. Sean looks like he has a big, scary, veiny dick that can easily pass for a vile meat weasel from King Kong and Charlize is definitely suffering from stage 4 dickmatization.
She started out as a song girl, then acted, keeps trying to do both. At the beginning it was promising but mostly, over the last few years, it’s been a series of disappointments. Personally though, she seemed to have it together. A steady relationship, a solid commitment, no drama…
Or maybe it’s because we weren’t paying attention.
She and her playing partner have been having problems for a while. They’ve been trying hard to work it out. But that might not turn out so well if she finds out that he hooked up with a much more successful song girl, someone with a similar early sound and origin, though that’s evolving now. Despite her many changes, contrived or organic, this was probably not the intended image. (Lainey Gossip)
Not Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande Latte, because that guess became null and void at “steady relationship.” Not Mimi, Nick Cannon and Ariana Grande Latte, because Glitter was only “promising” to those of us who live for pink rhinestone-encrusted dried turds. My guess is Mandy Moore, Ryan Adams and that strawberry tart-making, pussy-carrying, home wrecking Holly Hobbie tramp trollop Taylor Swift? I did throw a side-eye at “much more successful song girl.” Mandy Moore will always stand on her tip toes at the highest point of the A-list because of “In My Pocket.”
This wealthy and famous actor/director/etc. is privately talking about how happy he is that he is going to be a father for the first time. However, the situation is not exactly what it appears to be!
It is true that his girlfriend is pregnant. It is also true that she is carrying his baby. However, it would be more accurate to call her his “girlfriend.” She conceived using his sperm, but they did not have sex. She is basically a combination of beard and surrogate… and is being paid very handsomely to fulfill both roles!
Given how rich, famous and powerful he is, it would be a real coup for the gay community for him to come out. However, a painful childhood causes him to be very secretive about his personal life. For better or worse, do not expect him to come out anytime soon. (Blind Gossip)
This item has 20/20 vision. It’s the opposite of blind. Tyler Perry? A few blogs have said that Tyler Perry supposedly announced that he’s going to be a father at his huge, fancy 45th birthday party over the weekend. Media TakeOut (so swallow this with several grains of salt) says that Tyler didn’t only come out as a future father at his birthday party, he also came flying out of the closet and told all his friends that he’s gay. Whatever the case may be and if this is true, then congratulations to that baby. Yes, that baby will have to suffer a bit by sitting through its daddy’s movies, but it’ll also have OPRAH as an auntie/godmother. And yes, that baby will have to learn how to sleep with its eyes open while Tia Oprah gives one of her life lectures full of sanctimonious words of wisdom, but she’ll probably take it shopping for pony farms and small countries afterward.
Our sexy TV actress seems to have quickly rebounded from a bitter breakup with her longtime beau. But her new hunky man isn’t as perfect as she wants us to believe. The problem: he has the body of a Greek god, but between the sheets, his personal equipment is only so-so. What’s a girl to do? Behind his back this actress is still shacking up with her well endowed ex. (Janet Charlton)
Sofia Vergara, Joe ManJello and that leaky Diva Cup known as Nick Loeb? In my mind, Joe ManJello is Big Dick Richie and his dick is so big that it can lift 300 pounds and it eats 4 pounds of raw steak daily. But if there’s a sliver of truth to this blind item, then who cares? He’s Joe ManJello! Who cares if his erect peen is about as big as an Ikea wooden dowel. Make that shit work. I’m sure his fingers are 9 inches and girthy, and if not, throw a strap-on on him. He’s Joe ManJello!
It’s an hour to fly from Toronto to New York. By the time you go up, it’s almost like you have to go down again.
But she was desperate, desperate for a drink. Even before take-off. Which was not allowed on this flight. She was told she’d have to wait. And she didn’t want to wait. Caused a stink about having to wait. Huffing and puffing, sweet features morphed into an off-putting bitch scowl. It was a scene. And she didn’t stop bitching until they put the first jack and coke in front of her once the seatbelt sign had been turned off.
That was followed by two more. Three jack and cokes on the flight.
So, maybe she’s afraid to fly. Maybe it was a terrible day. But with her history, and it wasn’t all that long ago, and the shitty influences she has around her, this is probably a concern, non? (Lainey Gossip)
The thought bubble above my head pictured Laura Jean Poon (aka Reese Witherspoon), but I don’t think it’s her, because I don’t know of any shitty influences around her (she IS the shitty influence). Besides, Laura Jean Poon doesn’t screw around and she’s the type who’d smuggle in her own bottles of Jack and Coke onto a plane. I’m going to guess Selena Gomez and I don’t really blame her. If you were dickmatized by Justin Bieber, you’d need more than a few Jack and Cokes to deal with that tragic fact.
With this former A+ list athlete still with A+ list name recognition back to his old sleeping with waitresses days, his girlfriend was overheard telling another woman that she is looking for a big payday to stay quiet. (CDAN)
Tiger Woods and Lindsay Vonn? But Tiger Woods wet humping on some waitress in the parking lot of a Waffle House is such a non-shock that it isn’t even worth 50 cents in “hush money.” That said, #getmoneyvonn.
This pairing could result in several number one records. In a private room in a restaurant out of the country, this couple had a date. Just the two of them. An A+ list singer and an A+ list mostly movie actor. They have been planning this one for awhile. Three hours and I don’t think they were talking about her movie career or his sometime girlfriend who was half a world away. (CDAN)
Taylor Swift and either Leonardo DiCatchAHo or Bradley Cooper, both of which she’s supposedly tried to get on in the past. Tay Tay and DiCatchAHo make sense, because he’s run out of Victoria’s Secret Angels to bone and she’s the closest thing to an Angel since she’s Single White Female-ing one. Tay Tay and B. Coop also make sense, because she’s one of the most prolific beards in the game and he’s probably getting sick of being with an amateur (see: that Sookeh Waterhouse girl) and is craving the best.
At dinner the other night with several friends in attendance, this former B list musician who is still a B list celebrity because of his name pulled out a ring and asked this actress to marry him. Apparently there was a look of horror on the face of the actress and she told him that it wasn’t the time or place right then. Our celebrity slumped back in his seat, but didn’t leave which is what I think most people would have done. (CDAN)
Benji Madden and Cameron Diaz? Why do I have a feeling that she did the same thing the first time he whipped out his peen in front of her?