People Magazine’s least sexy Sexist Man Alive, Blake Shelton, offered his ex-wife Miranda Lambert some subtle front porch country shade (with a side of extra tart lemonade) when asked about her recent marriage to the “love of her life”, 28-year old NYPD cop Brendan McLoughlin. Brendan and Miranda have only been married for less than a month which, frankly, is longer than a lot of people probably expected. They’ve only known each other 3 months and he has an infant child with a woman his ex-fiance’s mom claims he cheated with. According to People, Blake’s been reduced to speaking only in country music cliches, a source claims “he put Miranda in his rear view mirror long ago”, presumably followed by something about dirt roads, Chevy trucks, and his dog riding shotgun (Gwen has to ride in the back).
Someone might need to put out a casting call for the world’s first banjo-pluckin’, Mohawk-wearin’ ska wedding band because the Houses of Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani appear to be inching closer to engagement. Those two were love at first hard-working publicity stunt sight during their time on The Voice, but they’ve kept at it since 2015. Snitches are saying they’re so serious that Blake is going to put a ring on it any day now. Ah, well, Miranda Lambert. At least you’ll find a way to turn this into an album for yourself.
It’s been three years since Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton broke up, and about three years minus a bit since he got with Gwen Stefani. If I could ask Miranda Lambert a question, I might ask: “Do your boyfriends know what a wedding ring is?” But others might want to ask Miranda what she thought about her ex-husband getting with the queen of 40-volume hair peroxide. Before today, Miranda had no comment on the topic, but she’s now ready to say the name “Gwen.”
Right after the rumors came out that Miranda Lambert once again boned the wedding ring off of a married man, her ex-husband Blake Shelton decided he needed some attention and tweeted something about karma. The “high road” that Blake Shelton has been taking must be called Petty Bitch Blvd.
Been taking the high road for a long time.. I almost gave up. But I can finally see something on the horizon up there!! Wait!! Could it be?! Yep!! It’s karma!!
— Blake Shelton (@blakeshelton) April 25, 2018
That tweet was obviously about Miranda since while she was married to Blake, her crotch biscuit supposedly collected more side items than what’s on a Popeye’s menu (and his dick supposedly wandered into plenty of side snatches). But Blake talked about that tweet with both Extra and Entertainment Tonight, and says that people can think whatever they want and he doesn’t have time to worry about it. Yes, and he proved he doesn’t have time to worry about that tweet by talking about that tweet with anyone who put a mic in front of his talk hole.
Miranda Lambert has a new boyfriend, musician Evan Felker, and shortly after we found that out, she was accused of dating him while he was still with his wife. Those rumors were given some credibility by Evan’s estranged wife Staci Felker on social media. More people are talking, and that rumor about Miranda having zero respect for a thing called commitment just got louder.
It feels like ever since Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani got together back in 2015, any mention of their names is usually followed with a rumor that she’s mere moments from line-dancing down the aisle of a decorated barn to a ska version of Here Comes the Bride. That, or someone is screaming that she’ll soon be delivering Cracker Barrel’s newest customer. But Blake has said that marrying isn’t something he’s rushing into.