Category: Bitches Be Bitches

Ellen DeGeneres Says Elton John Wasn’t Very Welcoming When She Came Out

March 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Ellen DeGeneres was asked about coming out in both real life and on her ABC sitcom, Ellen, during an appearance on Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert (via People). Crouching down on the cover of TIME magazine and declaring, “Yep, I’m Gay” while her character Ellen Morgan came out as a lesbian to Laura Dern didn’t exactly work for everyone, like Elton John. One would have thought that always cheery Elton John would have been waiting on the other side of that coming out announcement with pink champagne and balloons, but according to Ellen, that’s not at all what happened.

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In Case You Were Wondering If Noel Gallagher Still Hates Adele…

February 3, 2016 / Posted by:

And now in salty bitches being salty bitches news. Noel Gallagher, a man who I’m pretty sure shares DNA with the phrase “Piss off“, recently spoke to British GQ (via Daily Mail) about humanity’s current favorite crooning feels-maker, Adele, and – surprise! – Noel Gallagher still doesn’t like Adele. The last time Noel was asked about Adele’s music, he channeled his inner *so edgy* 9th grader by sneering that it’s music for “fucking grannies.” This time, Noel Gallagher went even harder by confessing that Adele’s existence is such a pain in his ass that it ruins his breakfast.

“Adele? I’m not a fan. She always comes on the radio when I’m having my cornflakes: ‘Hello?’ No, fuck off!”

Cornflakes, eh? I always pictured Noel Gallagher ate a bowl of wood chips and popcorn kernels every morning to guarantee that he’d have something to complain about. You really do learn something new every day. Obviously my first reaction to Noel whining about Adele would be to tell him to get off his ass and change the radio station. But then I remembered that Adele is our supreme overlord, and it doesn’t matter how far you turn the dial in any direction, Adele’s voice will be on it. And turning off the radio won’t do any good, because there’s always going to be that neighbor who belts out the chorus from “Skyfall” in the shower like they’re auditioning for Bathroom Idol.

Speaking of reality shows, Noel also took a tight shit on reality competition television. You know, because he wouldn’t want to give Adele the satisfaction of being the sole recipient of all his hate this week.

“I’ve been offered the X Factor twice and – right after I left Oasis – Strictly Come Dancing. Just ee-fucking-magine.”

Just once I’d love to know what Noel Gallagher likes. What am I saying? Noel Gallagher likes nothing! If an airline ever loses Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate, she could call up Noel Gallagher and ask if he’d consider subbing in as a replacement. Again, listen to me acting like Noel wouldn’t shout “Fuck off, I’ve got cornflakes to eat” before hanging up the phone.

Pic: Splash

Nobody Wants To Work With Kelly Clarkson

February 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Raise your hand if you too just pictured at least two dozen different famous singing types screaming “NOOOOOO KELLY CLARKSON!” over the phone to their managers.

During an interview for BBC Radio 1’s Breakfast Show (via UsWeekly) Kelly Clarkson told Nick Grimshaw that she has a difficult time finding anyone who wants to record anything with her. Those bitches! Have they already forgotten about “Since U Been Gone”? RUDE. Kelly has a new album coming out next month called Piece by Piece, and she confessed that she has no trouble getting country people to sing with her and she was able to get John Legend, but other than that, nobody seems to be answering their phones. That, or they’re afraid they’ll catch something from her:

“I honestly would collaborate with a lot of people, but everyone usually says no. I’m not kidding you. I have legitimately asked several people that I’m not going to call out, and that’s cool, but I don’t know. I ask good people, I don’t want to sing with crap people, so I mean, I ask people who are great vocalists, but I’m not going to point out anyone. I have asked several people. Sometimes I feel like I have the plague, or leprosy, they’re like, ‘If you get too close…’ I don’t know.”

I want to know the names of these snobby singing types who think they’re too good for American Idol winner and possible leprosy carrier Kelly Clarkson. Call a bitch out, Kelly! Name some names! I bet that shady trick Justin Guarini has something to do with this. He’s probably still pissed that wardrobe gave her the better pair of baggy zip-off cargo shorts on the set of From Justin to Kelly.

Here’s Kelly leaving BBC Radio 1 in London yesterday morning. If I was friends with Kelly, this would be where I would scream at her to pick me up a couple Curly Wurlys.

Pics: Wenn.com

And Now, For A Festive Holiday Greeting Courtesy Of Kristen Stewart

December 16, 2014 / Posted by:

In honor of it being the first night of Hanukkah, 9 days till Christmas, and 3 hours till I fall into a diabetic coma from drinking six gallons of eggnog, here’s the always festive and joyful Kristen Stewart getting into the holiday spirit by flipping off the paps. Oh, KStew – it’s the most wonderful tiiiiime of the year, and you’re still the most sullen of sullen teens. Even that mopey bummer Charlie Brown is like “Damn bitch, who pissed in your peppermint latte?

KStew delivered her lovely handmade gift to the paps on Sunday after they spent the day following her around Los Feliz while she got coffee with her BFF Alicia Cargile. How thoughtful of her! That’s a really great present. You know, I still need to get a last-minute gift for the asshole who keeps backing into my car and putting dents in my license plate, and I think a middle finger would be perfect. Then again, I’ve got this sneaking suspicion they already got one this year.

And I know that everyone talks about KStew having the acting range of a damp piece of plywood, but you can’t say the same about her bird-flipping hand. It’s delivering so much raw emotion: anger, rage, fury, frustration. Is it too early to reboot the Twilight series and cast KStew’s bird-flipping hand as Bella? I would watch that.

Here’s KStew before she stuffed the paps’ stockings with cunty cheer, dressed like a goth stay-at-home dad while getting coffee:

Pics: FameFlynet

The Sads: Frank Ocean Didn’t Actually Write A Beautiful Swear On That Chipotle Check

March 21, 2014 / Posted by:

Damnit damnit damnit fuck fuck shit. Well, that’s just great. I thought I’d found true love the minute I laid eyes on that check Frank Ocean returned to Chipotle after backing out of a commercial and the beautiful, eloquent message contained within, but now TMZ is saying that Frank Ocean didn’t actually write FUCK OFF in the memo line of the check before he sent it back. What a shame; a true blue cunt is really hard to come by these days.

Shortly after Frank posted a picture of his Chase-blue middle finger to Chipotle, TMZ says that a rep for the awful burrito chain (real truth; I’ve never had a burrito from Chipotle that didn’t taste like a cold, guac-filled diaper) came forward to defend their honor and blow a shady kiss at Ocean by saying that the cheque they received had a blank memo line. Which means that the FUCK OFF check Frank posted to his Tumblr was photoshopped. I know! Something on the internet wasn’t real? MON DIEU!

So Frank Ocean isn’t actually the shady-shader I thought he was. God, I feel like such a fool! Now what am I supposed to do with this engagement ring, 3 dozen long-stemmed roses, and instructions for a sky writer to write ‘I’LL BE FRANK…MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ENDLESS, LIKE AN OCEAN’? I mean, I always sorta knew he wouldn’t be totally into it, but I figured we could work something out. Like I bake cookies while he writes FUCK OFF on shit around the house; you know, normal husband/wife stuff. Well, I guess it’s back to searching for true love on ShadeThrowingHatersWhoDontGiveAFuck.com for me.

SHOCKING NEWS: Naomi Campbell Was A Major Bitch On The Set Of ‘The Face’

February 26, 2014 / Posted by:

Just looking at this picture of Naomi Campbell giving master-level bitchy judgement-face makes me want to get up and change into something nicer. No, you’re right, internet picture of Naomi Campbell; I look disgusting. Thank you for telling me with your eyes how hideous I am.

And that’s just from looking at a picture; imagine what it must be like for the poor souls who have to work with her in person? If what the NY Daily News is saying about Naomi Campbell’s behavior on the set of the second season of The Face is true, then I don’t think I’d be too far off to assume there’s a group therapy room filled with crying models somewhere out there.

We’re told there’s been no shortage of screaming leading up to the season-two premiere, airing on March 5, which also features host Nigel Barker. “Nigel and Naomi are friends off camera, so she has no issues with him. It’s always with the girls,” says our source.

Another set insider tells us that Campbell is a “full-on diva” from the minute she arrives for taping. “She refuses to talk to anyone off set,” says our source. Then there are Campbell’s wacky demands — like banning staffers’ greetings until she says hi first.

“She’s now not allowing anyone to do her makeup. She was taught by Kevyn Aucoin and thinks she knows better than everyone. She gets upset with them, then does it herself.”

“She’s taping her face skin back, which makes it look tighter, and hiding the evidence with her fabulous wigs,” one show insider tells us. “She’s a monster. She fought with everyone on set.”

Everyone already knows Naomi teaches the class in monster bitchery at CUNIVERSITY, so hearing that she wouldn’t allow staff to speak to her unless spoken to excites me about as much as a mayo sandwich. What I’m really interested in is heading more about Naomi’s makeup routine, specifically the use of tape. Pulling your skin back with tape and hiding it under a wig sounds like something a vain old drag queen would do as another queen hisses “She can work that Scotch all she likes, but that AARP membership-having muthafucker is not fooling anyone.” Does the source ever say what her face looks like before the tape? Would you say she looks more like an old babushka lady or wrinkly ball sac? Source, I need to know this!

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