In June 2016, The National Enquirer sharted out a story claiming that the real reason for why Richard Simmons has retired from the spotlight is because he’s taking hormones and getting surgeries as a part of his transition into a woman. Richard’s rep denied The National Enquirer’s story at the time, but the Enquirer kept on and burped up more stories about Richard’s so-called transition. Since The National Enquirer refuses to shut their mouth, Richard has shoved a libel complaint between their lips. The Hollywood Reporter says that Richard is suing The National Enquirer, Radar Online and their parent company American Media, Inc. for spreading lies about him. I’m kind of jealous of everyone who works at The National Enquirer, because when Richard Simmons takes over the company after victoriously winning his lawsuit, he’ll change it to The Simmons Enquirer and they’ll get him as a boss.
Everyone Saw This One Coming: The Organizers Of The Fyre Festival Have Been Hit With A $100 Million Lawsuit
When the brave survivors of the Lord of the Fyre Flies Festival got off the plane from the Bahamas in Florida, I’m sure they walked into a crowd of thirsty lawyers handing them business cards. Someone suing the tricks behind the Fyre Festival was as inevitable as a musical festival headlined by blink-182 and organized by Ja Rule turning out to be a massive diarrhea puddle of a mess. One Fyre ’17 survivor wasted no time in filing a lawsuit and he wants others to join him.
R. Kelly, the most dangerous water sport device to happen to kids since the Slip ‘N Slide, has been sued by a deputy sheriff in Jackson, Mississippi for allegedly being the wrecking ball who destroyed his marriage. Kenny Bryant claims that R. Kelly caused him emotional pain and even messed with his money by having an affair with his wife whose name is Asia Childress. The shocking part is that Asia isn’t underage, but she does have the word “child” in her last name.
Beyonce, seen above eyeing the next mark she’s going to steal from, is being sued by the sister of late bounce artist and YouTuber Messy Mya (government name: Anthony Barré) for using unauthorized pieces of his videos in her song Formation. If the other Mya is wondering why her Instagram page is getting bombed with bee emojis, she now knows why. The Beyhive just got the wrong Mya, that’s all.
While many of us feel like a regular Zsa Zsa Gabor when we sip Cupcake Prosecco out of a family heirloom (aka a plastic champagne flute taken from your cousin’s wedding), one percenters like Johnny Depp won’t even open their guzzle holes for a bottle of wine that costs less than $1,000.
Johnny is currently in the middle of a $25 million lawsuit against his ex-business managers for allegedly defrauding his ass out of tens of millions of dollars. Johnny’s ex-money management company, The Management Group, spit back at him with a counter-lawsuit that claims they didn’t fuck away his millions, he did. Page Six says that the lawsuit from TMG claims that Johnny blew through $2 million a month and that includes his monthly wine bill of $30,000. All that fancy wine! Johnny’s piss can probably get a 95-point review from Wine Spectator. If he really needs cash, he can charge for wine tastings on his dick. I mean, it shoots out expensive wine and is probably covered with fromage and a sticky substance that can easily pass for fig jelly.
About a month before a judge slid a manhole cover over the open sewer that was Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce battle, Johnny demanded that Amber fork over $100,000 for his legal fees. I thought it was a little odd that a multi-millionaire like Johnny would act up for a measly $100k. As it turns out, his bank accounts have been a little lighter lately, and he’s blaming it on the decisions made by his former business managers. He’s also gotten the legal system involved, because he wants that money back.