One of the biggest problems with our current society is everyone’s thirst for instant fame. I blame people like Tyra Banks, who decided years ago it would be fun to take regular mu’fuckas, throw them on TV and make them famous during everyone’s favorite smizing hour, America’s Next Top Model.
Well, thankfully, karma has delivered its invoice to Tyra in the form of a lawsuit aimed at the producers of her newest gig, America’s Got Talent.
Two years ago, InTouch Weekly took the volume out of Michelle Duggar’s teased-to-the-ends-of-earth hair when they reported that her rotten potato of a son, Josh Duggar, had been investigated for child molestation when he was a teenager. The names of his five victims were kept from public eyes, but it later came out that some of his victims were his own sisters. Jessa and Jill Duggar (seen above with Jill’s serial killer transient-looking ass husband) later said in a Fox News interview that they were two of Josh’s victims and they have forgiven him. Jessa and Jill may have forgiven that dark-sided, child-touching Porky Pig, but I guess they’re still mad at InTouch Weekly, the City of Springdale, Arkansas and the police, because they’re suing them all for breach of privacy.
In June 2016, The National Enquirer sharted out a story claiming that the real reason for why Richard Simmons has retired from the spotlight is because he’s taking hormones and getting surgeries as a part of his transition into a woman. Richard’s rep denied The National Enquirer’s story at the time, but the Enquirer kept on and burped up more stories about Richard’s so-called transition. Since The National Enquirer refuses to shut their mouth, Richard has shoved a libel complaint between their lips. The Hollywood Reporter says that Richard is suing The National Enquirer, Radar Online and their parent company American Media, Inc. for spreading lies about him. I’m kind of jealous of everyone who works at The National Enquirer, because when Richard Simmons takes over the company after victoriously winning his lawsuit, he’ll change it to The Simmons Enquirer and they’ll get him as a boss.
Everyone Saw This One Coming: The Organizers Of The Fyre Festival Have Been Hit With A $100 Million Lawsuit
When the brave survivors of the Lord of the Fyre Flies Festival got off the plane from the Bahamas in Florida, I’m sure they walked into a crowd of thirsty lawyers handing them business cards. Someone suing the tricks behind the Fyre Festival was as inevitable as a musical festival headlined by blink-182 and organized by Ja Rule turning out to be a massive diarrhea puddle of a mess. One Fyre ’17 survivor wasted no time in filing a lawsuit and he wants others to join him.
R. Kelly, the most dangerous water sport device to happen to kids since the Slip ‘N Slide, has been sued by a deputy sheriff in Jackson, Mississippi for allegedly being the wrecking ball who destroyed his marriage. Kenny Bryant claims that R. Kelly caused him emotional pain and even messed with his money by having an affair with his wife whose name is Asia Childress. The shocking part is that Asia isn’t underage, but she does have the word “child” in her last name.
Beyonce, seen above eyeing the next mark she’s going to steal from, is being sued by the sister of late bounce artist and YouTuber Messy Mya (government name: Anthony Barré) for using unauthorized pieces of his videos in her song Formation. If the other Mya is wondering why her Instagram page is getting bombed with bee emojis, she now knows why. The Beyhive just got the wrong Mya, that’s all.