Indiana’s governor and our new Vice President-Elect Mike Pence (aka “The Man Behind The Orange Curtain“) was just trying to relax last night. He probably had a long day of gleefully assisting President-Elect Donald Trump in deciding which hugely problematic men to pick for his cabinet. He’s in NYC, why not see the biggest show on Broadway?
Two-time Olympic gold medal-winning soccer player (and many-time gold medal-winning wreck) Hope Solo is now in Rio playing with the U.S. Women’s National Team, and before she flew off to South America to become Brazil’s latest threat, she tweeted a pic of all the bug spray she planned on packing and posted the picture above on Instagram of preparing to battle Zika-infested mosquitos. Hope added the caption: “Not sharing this!!! Get your own! #zikaproof #RoadToRio” What’s funny is that if you threw a helmet onto that get-up, that’s what I’d wear to one of Hope Solo’s family parties. I wouldn’t forget that bug repellent either, because I’d need something to spray her with as she drunkenly attacks me.
Many Brazilian soccer fans didn’t find Hope’s picture funny and they let her know with a tornado of boos during a match yesterday. You know you’ve really pissed a Brazilian off when they tell you to PLEASE LEAVE BRAZIL.
And I’m booing at Kristen Stewart for those sad, flaccid middle fingers. If you’re going to double flip a trick off, do it with feeling. Those middle fingers are like a sad, soft whisper. I’m surprised she gets so much ass with that tragic finger action. But I digress!
Now that KStew is done with promoting Cafe Society, the movie that turtle turd Woody Allen directed her in, she has moved on to pushing her other new movie Personal Shopper at Cannes. Personal Shopper was directed by Olivier Assayas, who directed her in Clouds of Sils Maria, and it’s about a personal shopper who is also a medium. Kristen Stewart as a ghost whisperer makes sense. The ghosts probably talk to her ass because they think she’s one of them: dead and cold. The movie’s reviews have been mixed, but many critics have said that Kristen Stewart gives the performance of her career, and I’m going to take that to mean that she blinks and lip bites like she’s never blinked and lip bit before.
Apparently, not everyone loved it and some audience members hit the screen with a wave of boos after it ended. Variety says that a press conference for the movie today, KStew rolled her eyes and said it was just a few people who booed. Olivier said that they probably booed because his movie’s ending is just too arty for them.
Stewart and the rest of the “Personal Shopper” cast interjected to note that the harsh reaction was not universal. “Hey, everyone did not boo,” Stewart said with a chuckle.
At another point, Assayas argued that the audience was put off by the film’s ambiguous closing. “It happens to me once in a while where people just don’t get the ending,” he said.
Booing at Cannes is kind of a thing. Pulp Fiction, Taxi Driver and The Tree of Life were all hit with boos when they screened at Cannes.
But are they sure the booing came from living humans? Are we sure those boos didn’t come from actual ghosts who were cheering over their kind getting some screen time? And I bet that Kristen Stewart loves that the movie was booed. She’d probably be grossed out if they clapped and gave the movie a standing ovation, because that would mean it’s loved by the mainstream and eww at that.
Here’s more of KStew at the photo call for Personal Shopper today.
Kanye Kardashian made another stop on his most recent publicity tour – read acting a fool tour – at LAX on Friday. Shockingly, this junket makes him look good and not like the crazy street preacher who talks about God, Jesus and love but also tells you to go fuck yourself and that you’re going to Hell. Maybe Kris Jenner is getting through to him? Or maybe she promised to fund some of his creative endeavours which make him “50 percent more influential than any other human being.”
The alleged fingers in the booty ass bitch landed at LAX on Friday night and was greeted by the usual swarm of fans and photographers. Not to get sidetracked, but the swarm of people and paps that seem to always be there is such a mystery to me. I live in New York and never see shit like that at JFK. Do they live there? Are they hired by THE BIZ to keep up LA’s celeb capital appearance? Are they from central casting and this is all some meta acting on acting on acting reality warp? Anyway. Think about that!
According to TMZ, two paps got into a big ol’ brawl while waiting to get snaps of the Bootyfinger Baron. They were photographed trying to snatch each other’s camera equipment but with much less finesse than this person. Kanye was breezing and beaming through the crowd when he saw what happened and decided to Mother Teresa the fuck out that shit. The grateful pap thanked him and gave him a hug. This doesn’t smell suspect at all! This totally, definitely doesn’t bring to mind the legendary phrase, “Something in the milk ain’t clean.” (Thank you eternally, Khia.)
Speaking of hugs, here’s something to warm your heart. Kris Jenner got booed off stage while introducing Culture Club at the iHeart80s Radio concert in L.A.
And here’s Kanye leaving for what I’m sure is another stop on his whirlwind adventure to confuse and baffle:
Or should I say, the Bill-boored Awards? (Don’t get up, I’ll show myself out for that one). When 19-year-old model Kendall Jenner and 17-year-old aspiring Kim Kardashian impersonator Kylie Jenner crawled on stage at the Billboard Music Awards to introduce their sister’s current husband Kanye West last night, they were met with a wall of boos thicker than the high-density foam padding in the Build-A-Butt room at the Kardashian Khompound.
There are many reasons for why Pimp Mama Kris’ two youngest earners got booed: the room was filled with ghosts, the audience was yelling the first syllable of the Kardashian family’s favorite word (Botox), it was the same crowd from that Clippers game Kendall went to last weekend, they were actually saying “To” in an attempt to summon Chris Hansen and the To Catch A Predator crew and catch Kylie’s shameless pedo boyfriend Tyga. But if I had to put money on it, I’m going with: because people are sick of their asses.
Then again, those boos might not have been meant for Kendall and Kim Jr.; they were introducing a performance by their brother-in-law Kanye, and that audience had already sat through enough eyeroll-inducing antics for one night. Plus, we can’t even be sure if anyone booed through Kanye’s performance, since most of it was censored.
Yes, that is Kanye hiding behind 400 lbs of flames. He handles it like a pro, but that’s not surprising. If you watched your wife get re-built every 6 days by a team of highly-skilled welders, you’d know exactly when to shield your face from the sparks too.
Here’s more of Kendall doing the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious band all kinds of disrespect in that jacket and Kylie looking like napkin in a napkin holder at the BBMAs last night.
You know that somewhere in Hollywood a studio executive is looking at that picture and thinking to themselves, “And there’s our cast for The Bodyguard remake!” And you probably didn’t read that line, because as soon as you stared into the eyes of the soul siphoner in the red Mickey Mouse sweater, her glare knocked your eyeballs out of your face before crawling into your head through your sockets to eat your soul. It’s a weird feeling, but you get used to it. I have that feeling every time I watch Are You The One? on MTV.
Fart aficionado Jennifer Lawrence, did The Late Show with David Letterman last night to promote that Hunger Games shit. Sometimes celebrity types stop to sign autographs and take pictures before and after the show. JLaw didn’t stop beforehand because she was running late. After the show, JLaw walked out to a sea of crazies who lost their minds for her. Those crazy bitches. It’s just Jennifer Lawrence, America’s cooler older cousin who is one of the guys and loves farts and weed. It’s not like it was Richard Simmons making his long-awaited grand return to the spotlight. That crowd acted like cats in heat. Get the Q-Tip and get it together.
When JLaw started signing autographs, her fans, autograph seekers and the paps turned up the crazy and knocked down a barricade. JLaw ran from that scene faster than an ex runs from me when he sees me at Target (yes, this has happened recently and the wound is still raw). The messiness is below (with a bonus appearance from Golden Voice!):
If you open up your ears wide at around the 0:55 mark, you can hear someone scream something like “Fucking cunt!” I guess Goopy Paltrow is in NYC right now.
Or maybe they booed JLaw because they heard her singing.
Here’s JLaw running for her life outside of Letterman and at Good Morning America today with the dudes from Hongray Games.