One of the more head-scratching things to come out of last months (and that’s saying a lot, since 2017 has most hair follicles hanging on for dear life) was Donald Trump’s claim that the tape of him bragging about grabbing pussies during a 2005 interview with Access Hollywood was fake. Well, Trump’s enthusiastic co-star in the tape, Billy Bush, wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times in which he informed Trump that the voice on the tape is his.
Somebody tried to murder Billy Bush with a golf ball to the head and there is no clear evidence disproving that it wasn’t one Donald J. Trump. Ok, I may the only one suggesting that as a hypothetical possibility but you were all thinking it when you read the headline. Don’t lie. I know that accusing a sitting president of an assassination attempt on the life of a private citizen is both incredibly stupid and dangerously inflammatory but hear me out: It’s a joke! Did you hear that CIA? A joke. I was only kidding. Making fun of a public figure. I think it’s still allowed. Jesus, I hope it’s still allowed or I’m toast. The truth is that Billy Bush really did get clobbered by a golf ball.
Sadly, it looks like nobody wants to be around Billy Bush. Al Roker sure as shit doesn’t. Today doesn’t. And now it appears his wife doesn’t. Only Donald Trump seemed to enjoy having Billy around, and that’s the problem. Continue reading
It’s been 7 months since our ears were terrorized by the sound of douchey bobblehead doll Billy Bush giggling after Donald Trump bragged about grabbing pussies without permission. Since then, Billy Bush has been drying his unemployed tears on the millions of dollars NBC gave him to go the hell away while an unscathed Trump is in the White House and getting his pussy-grabbing hand swatted away by the First Lady.
Right after the tape leaked and killed Billy Bush’s job, he dribbled out an apology, but he’s mostly kept his lips closed about that mess until he talked to The Hollywood Reporter last week. Billy Bush not only looks like a ventriloquist’s dummy, but in this interview, it seems like his publicist shoved their fist up his ass and did the talking for him.
About a month before the election happened, The Washington Post mysteriously got their hands on a copy of a video of Donald Trump bragging about pussy grabbin’ with Billy Bush on a bus during the filming of an Access Hollywood segment. At the time, it seemed like someone wanted to make Trump look even sleazier than he already does. But Page Six says that the intention was to also make Billy Bush look bad.
I swear, Donald Trump better have instructed his lawyers to shred his prenup with Melania Trump, because she once again had to take time out from her busy day of shopping for diamonds and injecting panther sperm into her face (Botox is for poor peasants) to repeat a bunch of pre-written words while defending him in an interview. It’s truly hard out there for a Slovenian trophy wife.