I swear, Donald Trump better have instructed his lawyers to shred his prenup with Melania Trump, because she once again had to take time out from her busy day of shopping for diamonds and injecting panther sperm into her face (Botox is for poor peasants) to repeat a bunch of pre-written words while defending him in an interview. It’s truly hard out there for a Slovenian trophy wife.
Donald Trump enabler and former head of the Today’s Ladies Auxillary Billy Bush is pretty much over and out at NBC. The only question now is how big of a settlement check he’ll have in the pocket of his Dockers when security officially escorts him out of Peacock HQ. The check will be in addition to the box of personal belongings (stolen office supplies and “the signed” Ryan Lochte headshot he had hanging in his cubicle) that he’ll be sadly carrying.
As expected, Billy Bush has tapped into the ring with NBC and is holding the Peacock down while trying to punch as many dollars out of that bitch as possible. Billy has reportedly been fired by NBC and the two sides are currently negotiating his exit from Today before they make any announcements. And part of that “negotiating” involves using the media to spit at each other. Page Six reports that Billy has hired a high-powered Grossman to help him fight NBC and no the gross man is not Donald Trump. Billy has hired Los Angeles lawyer Marshall Grossman to help him in his battle against NBC. Marshall has already gotten to work and shanked at NBC by saying that if Billy didn’t play along with Trump, he’d be grabbing pussies… at PetCo while working as a part-time cat groomer. Because NBC would’ve fired him.
No need to send me a thank you e-mail for hitting your eyeballs with the sight of Billy Bush’s feets, snow-covered chest fur forest and hairy pits. The sound of that panty pudding wave crashing has already told me that you’re thankful.
Everybody has reported that Billy Bush’s suspension has already been made permanent and that Matt Lauer has reclaimed his title as the Biggest Douche of the Today Show. Billy was removed as co-host of Today’s 3rd hour after that tape of him grossly giggling over Donald Trump bragging about sexual assault came out. Billy is pretty much done at NBC and an announcement is coming, but Page Six says that he’s not going down without trying to punch out the Peacock.
As Donald Trump’s campaign lives on and Trump supporters dislocate their shoulders from reaching so damn hard while trying to defend that pussy grab shit, Billy Bush is wondering if he should do damage control by checking into rehab for dumbfuckness or by getting his picture taken as he gently pets pussies (with permission) at a cat shelter. Billy got his ass suspended from Today and NBC may permanently wax off the Bush. And sources tell Page Six that Billy Bush may only have his own stupidity to blame. Sources say that NBC staffers only started looking for the tape when Billy Bush bragged about its existence. So Billy Bush may have fucked himself. Oh, schadenfreude, it’s always a good day when you spoon me from behind and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
The Today show is a little less smug this morning, because annoying ventriloquist’s dummy Billy Bush isn’t on and won’t be on indefinitely. Because of that recording from 2005 of Billy Bush laughing as Donald Trump bragged about grabbing pussy without permission, NBC announced yesterday that they have suspended him from Today as they investigate. Please, that’s just PR talk for: “We’ve sent Billy Bush on a paid vacation until that tape of Trump saying the N-word comes out and that pussy grabbing disaster is nothing but a distant memory.”