Category: Bill Murray

Open Post: Hosted By Bill Murray Doing The Honors At A Gender Reveal Party

May 6, 2018 / Posted by:

Nowadays it’s exhausting and hard to be the friend of someone who is having a baby. You gotta put yourself together and buy a present for the baby shower. Then you gotta put yourself together and buy a present for the sip and see. And now you gotta put yourself together for the goddamn gender reveal party. Us humans just love coming up with ways to waste money, and corporate America is loving it.

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Don’t Take A Picture Of Bill Murray Unless You Want Your Phone Thrown Away

February 12, 2016 / Posted by:

Bill Murray is currently playing in the four-day Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tournament, and I guess his caddy brought up Larger Than Life or something, because he was apparently in a real shit mood last night. So shitty, in fact, that he pulled a Sean Penn on a couple fans who tried to take his picture.

According to TMZ, Bill Murray’s phone drama happened on the rooftop lounge of a restaurant in Carmel, CA after he was done playing golf for the day. The owner of the restaurant claims there were a few fans who were sitting about ten feet away from Bill Murray and were trying to take his picture. And since it was night time, they had their flash on. This is when Bill grew tired of their bullshit, got up, grabbed their phones, and whipped them off the roof. The restaurant owner says Bill wasn’t drinking anything (uh huh), and he got out of there almost immediately after he released their phones into the air like doves at a wedding.

Not surprisingly, the cops showed up to deal with this mess, but Bill had already bailed. TMZ says police eventually tracked him down, and he’s agreed to pay for the damages to the phones. The phone owners have decided not to press any charges. Meanwhile, the owner of the restaurant has decided to ban people from taking pictures because he doesn’t want to deal with another Bill Murray moment.

Normally I wouldn’t advocate violence against phones, since they have given me so much (mobile reviews of local Taco Bells) and ask so little in return. But I cannot sanction such dark-sided evilness as taking a picture of someone with the flash on. Nobody looks good with the flash! Even Grace Kelly looks like Gollum with the flash on. So yeah, I feel you Bill Murray.


So, Jenny Lewis And Bill Murray Might Be A Thing

October 21, 2015 / Posted by:

A quick Google search tells me that indie sweetheart Jenny Lewis (or as us 80s chirrun call her, “Hannah from Troop Beverly Hills”) and Bill Murray have been friends for a while. They’ve gone to basketball games and shows together, etc.. etc… Now Page Six is saying that 65-year-old Bill Murray and 39-year-old Jenny Lewis are humping on each other. Hmm… I wonder if he screams, “COOKIE TIME,” before he goes down on her? You know what else I wonder? I wonder why I wondered that.

Page Six has basically zero details. And they call themselves serious journalists! They referred to Jenny as Bill’s “current younger love interest” and said that she showed up to the after-party for Rock the Kasbah at a club in NYC on Monday night. At the end of the night, Jenny and Bill got onstage together (pic above) and danced with the band.

Spotted arriving to meet Murray and jumping onstage, too, was former child actress Jenny Lewis, 39. “Jenny is Bill’s special friend,” a source said. Flame-haired Lewis, who’s been linked to singer Johnathan Rice, was also at a Hamptons screening of the film, and the pair was seen together after at the Huntting Inn. She’ll appear in Murray’s upcoming holiday special and popped up in a faux rock doc to promote “Rock the Kasbah.” Her rep said, “No comment.”

Another quick Google search also tells me that Jenny and Jonathan Rice have been “linked” for over 8 years.

I don’t know. I’m going to need more proof than this. But if Jenny and Bill really are dating, all hipsters can stop trying to be the ultimate hipster. Jenny gets that title if she really is doing Bill Murray full-time. And this coupling is so hipster and so twee that if Jenny got knocked up by Bill, she’d give birth to an actual otter and that otter would come out of the womb knowing how to play the ukulele. Sorry, Zooey.

Pic: Instagram

Zooey Deschanel Gave Her Baby A Very Zooey Deschanel Name

October 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Ukelette Doily, Sassafras Anjou, Winnifred Clementine and Dew Drop Paper Rose are just a few of the names I guessed Etsy yarn doll Zooey Deschanel would name the bundle of baby she gave birth to in Austin, TX a few months ago. Sadly, Zooey and her hipster husband Jacob Pechenik didn’t go with any of those names, but they gave their baby daughter a name that puts the twee in twee. These two are otter their minds (the gong is in the shop so you can’t GONG me this time), because they named their daughter the adorkable name of Elsie Otter. Elsie. Otter.

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Bill Murray Showed Us What Eight Layers Of Drunk Looks Like Last Night

May 20, 2015 / Posted by:

After filming his last appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman last night, no-fucks-given legend Bill Murray had a GHOSTBUSTER DOWN moment on the set of MSNBC’s The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell. Bill was apparently next-level hammered and when he went to sit down, that chair wanted no part of it and tossed his drunk ass. If you want to see Bill Murray doing an impression of what Michael K and I would look like while returning to the “Dlisted office” after 3-for-1 lunch drinks at Señor Sloppys, here it is.

Damn, if that isn’t the definition of too drunk. Even that messy bitch Slimer is like “Gurd god, gurt it togurther!” For those of you wondering if maybe he wasn’t actually ripped to shit and his fall was just the result of being old or mixing back pills with boner pills, no no – he was as drunk as your drunkest uncle after discovering a jug of homemade red wine in the basement at Christmas.

But back to Bill on Letterman. Bill Murray has been a regular guest on the Late Show for years, so David Letterman asked him to be his last guest ever. So he did what any good guest would do: he jumped out of a cake. Well, jumped is a little bit of an overstatement; it was really more of a cream-covered fall.

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