Considering that less than a month ago he was found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent assault for drugging and sexually assaulting Andrea Constand, Bill Cosby’s probably doing just fine. He’s on house arrest and is posted up in his Pennsylvania mansion which probably isn’t even haunted. His wife Camille still, I’m sure, brings him his slippers every morning and plants a sweet kiss on her favorite grotesque head mole. But his ordeal isn’t over yet. According to CNN, the 80-year-old Cosby has a sentencing hearing scheduled for September 24th and 25th where he could face up to 30 years in prison (that’s 10 years for each count). However, the likelihood of him rotting away in a jail cell and turning into Ghost Dad for reals, is small.
It’s been a week since Bill Cosby went from alleged sexual predator to convicted sexual predator (the only way that verdict would’ve been more perfect if it was laid down by the rapist-destroyer Judge Rosemarie Aquilina), and as we wait to see if he’s going to die in prison or die while waiting to see if the verdict sticks, Camille Cosby has taken to the stage and warbled out a heave-inducing rendition of Stand By Your Man Even If He Was Convicted Of Rape.
After spraying herself down with a generous spritzing of Complicit from Ivanka Trump, Camille sharted out a long statement that some are calling “blistering.” If by that they mean that her statement caused oozing pus-filled blisters to form on my eyeballs when I read it, then they’re right! Camille really went for it by demanding a criminal investigation against the District Attorney, accusing Cosby’s victim Andrea Constand of being a money-hungry lie-teller, saying the media has her husband’s pure innocent blood all over their hands, and comparing him to Emmet Till, the 14-year-old African-American boy who was lynched in 1955 after a white woman lied and said he flirted with her. Well, I guess if your job for decades has been to enable and support Ole’ Pervy Puddin’ Pop, and he finally gets his, you gotta step the messiness up and throw every kind of crazy against the wall hoping that something sticks. (None of it does.)
Yesterday, the #MeToo movement claimed its first legal victory when Bill Cosby was convicted on all three counts of sexual assault. Oh, Bill. You should have known after they brought you back for a second trial your ass was going to jail this time. They didn’t bring you there to perform, even though apparently you still did. So y’all know things are about to start going downhill for ol’ pill pushin’ Bill. For example, Atlanta based television network Bounce has decided it’s time for them to bounce from supporting Cosby by yanking reruns of The Cosby Show from their lineup.
CNN and everybody else, including their mothers, are reporting that 80-year-old Bill Cosby has actually been found guilty on three counts of assault against Andrea Constand. He was being retried after a mistrial was declared last June. Hell hath frozen over.
Every good gay gets a little tingle in the film adaptation of Chicago when Velma Kelly (played by Olivia de Havilland’s favorite actress, Catherine Zeta-Jones) takes to the stand and is asked if she’ll tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help her God…and replies, “and then some.” Clearly they were airing Chicago on Janice Dickinson’s flight to Pennsylvania to testify in a case against Bill Cosby. Because Janice came out swinging so much that I bet they had to dismiss early that day on account of suburban Philadelphia not knowing how to handle everything she served. Continue reading
When dozens of allegations against Bill Cosby came back up in 2015, everyone had an opinion on America’s Dad, including America’s Dad’s children. For example, Rudy Huxtable made it real clear that she loves Bill Cosby, and will most likely be tearfully tossing a Jell-O jiggler onto his coffin when he dies.
Around that time, Zoe Kravitz gave an impromptu statement on behalf of Denise Huxtable (her mom Lisa Bonet), saying that it was news to Lisa and that she was “disgusted and concerned.” Lisa is finally talking for herself, and says she isn’t surprised.