I don’t need to tell you that the number one rule of the high seas is NEVER TRUST A FUCKING SHARK. There’s a very good reason why the president of The United States put them on the endangered species list for looking at him sideways (you know how they do). Perhaps the most famous shark of them all (yes, more famous than Jaws, the one Michael Phelps raced and the one that nibbled on Ryan Seacrest; fight me), Left Shark from Katy Perry’s 2015 Super Bowl Halftime show revealed to NPR (NPR so super left) that his bad dancing was all an act. That son of a bitch.
Grab your penchant for white wine and cover-ups for MURDER because the ladies of Monterey are coming back. HBO officially picked up Big Little Lies for another season.
This should come as a shock to no one since every member of the cast, including Miss “I’d Rather Be Reading” Shailene Woodley, was on board to return. Rumors had been percolating for a while that the network was ready to greenlight a second season since they have to figure out how to stay ahead in the Emmy game once Game Of Thrones goes off the air. And since Reese Witherspoon would love nothing more than to have an Emmy of her own to pose with in her Crate and Barrel ads.
There’s exciting news coming out of The White House this morning! The government wants to host a contest! First prize is a golden (well, gold-ish, it’s more a Crayola orange color) trophy made from the hair that collects in the drain in President Donald J. Trump’s private shower!
Big Little Lies walked away with a closetful of Emmys this year, and HBO did the wise thing and decided to let everyone appreciate it for the art it was and tucked it away in the vault next to The Sopranos. Kidding, they’re totally bringing it back for a second season. Continue reading
I don’t trust anybody named Trump as far as I can throw them. Ivanka Trump, perhaps the most easily tossed Trump, is no exception. So when Ivanka says she went through a “punk phase”, I’ve got to go see my ophthalmologist for severe spraining of the eyeballs. Ivanka wrote a chapter in her mom Ivana Trump‘s book Raising Trump, and because she’s a bad liar, she revealed that she used to shoplift tampons with GG Allin back in the day. Or close to it!
Big Little Lies‘ finale aired last night and that’s supposed to be that. Most of the questions were answered, and I say “most,” because they didn’t answer two of my most important questions: 1. Why didn’t anyone dress as Audrey Hepburn in Bloodline (her most glamorous look) to that Audrey/Elvis party? And 2. Is Ziggy’s auntie Eleven from Stranger Things, because those two are definitely related.
Big Little Lies was always meant to be a limited-run miniseries, but since it’s a critical and ratings hit, and Nicole Kidman will probably win every award imaginable, there’s been talk about HBO bringing it back for a second season. Jean-Marc Vallée, who directed all seven episodes, doesn’t think they should continue the story, but Reese Witherspoon (who will always be Laura Jeanne Poon to me) and Nicole Kidman do. Oh, I thought of a third question that wasn’t answered. Are Madeline and Ed secretly Monterey’s biggest drug kingpins, because how else can they afford that beach house on a part-time community theater manager and web designer’s salaries? If they do more episodes, they better answer that.