When Beyonce released Lemonade, she heavily implied that Jay-Z might have been two-timing her. Then Jay-Z released his own couples counseling diary of an album, 4:44, and he more than just implied he was hard knocking the life out of other women. Jay-Z wasn’t done talking about how he’s a shitty dude who did his wife dirty. Taking more than one hit must have been one of the conditions set in the Solange Agreement of 2014.
Jay-Z (the hyphen is back, right?) dropped his new album, 4:44, (aka Lemonade 2: Yep, I Fucked Around On Her) this week. In addition to utilizing his shaky marriage to keep the millions rolling in, 4:44 also addresses the state of his friendship and business partnership with former frequent collaborator and eternally stressed-out rapper, Kanye West. In an onstage rant near the end of his last (prematurely cancelled) tour, he went off on Jay, Beyonce, and their music streaming service Tidal. Kanye has a financial stake in it. Jay-Z alludes to this situation in one of the tracks on 4:44 and not in a positive way (unless describing someone as “insane“ is a friendly gesture).
If you had the names Quatro and Rouf (Four backwards) in your office’s Beyonce baby name pool, your Fourth of July weekend just started off real shitty, because you got it wrong. Nearly two weeks after the twin Jesuses were born, TMZ, E! and People all believe that Beyonce and Jay-Z may have named their babies Rumi and Sir Carter. If you’re in the Bel-Air area and heard the loudest boom, that was just from Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian’s egos exploding while thinking that Beyonce and Jay-Z copied the name Saint by naming one of their kids Sir. And Rumi is probably happy that they didn’t get the name Ma’m Carter.
Come gather ‘round children, as we throw our diamonds in the sky and do the scissor leg for the midnight release of Jay-Z’s newest addition to his musical family since 2013’s 4:44. I remember anticipating this new release, thinking to myself “YES! New music from Jay-Z!” and getting all excited, until I was informed that he was only releasing it exclusively on Tidal, and I ain’t too proud to say I’m not paying for that shit! I may have to reconsider though, since 4:44 is his answer to wife Beyonce’s 2016 all tea flavored Lemonade. Perhaps he should have named this release That D’Usse Is The Shit!, instead.
I’m using an old picture of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton as wax figures, because Lindsay has a better chance of getting Paris’ wax figure to show up to her party than the real thing. But what’s the difference really.
The Knowles-Carter twins reportedly had to stay in the hospital after they were born, because they were apparently premature and had “minor issues” that needed looking into. Things must be okay now, because multiple sources have confirmed to E! News that about two weeks after coming into this world, Beyonce and Jay Z’s twins are out of the hospital and resting at the $400,000 a month Malibu mansion that their parents have rented for the summer.