Last week during an appearance on Heidi and Spencer Pratt’s podcast, Amber Rose dropped a two year belated bombshell, claiming she thinks Gwyneth Paltrow is “Becky with the good hair” from Beyoncé’s Lemonade. I would have thought that every moment since Amber dropped Gwyneth’s name has been pure bliss, because just think of all that delicious attention it’s brought her! I clearly don’t know Amber Rose as well as I thought, because she recently admitted that she feels bad now.
There’s been rumors for the past couple of months that Anna Wintour’s time as editor-in-chief of Vogue and artistic director of Condé Nast have an expiriation date. It would make sense to me if Anna’s farewell issue featured herself on the cover. But since an emotionless face, cold eyes, and wig-like hair is really more on brand for Department Store Mannequin Monthly, the star of the September issue is reportedly going to be Beyoncé.
It’s been over two years since the internet and the Beyhive opened up the case into figuring out the identity of the “Becky with the Good Hair” who took a ride on Jay-Z’s untrue dick while he was with Beyonce. The case has pretty much remained unsolved, but many think that Becky’s real name is Rachel Roy while others (read: Rita Ora and Rita Ora only) think it’s Rita Ora. Amber Rose picked up the cold case, dusted it off and after looking into it, she believes she really knows who Becky is. Detective Amber thinks that Jay-Z was knocking yoni eggs out of Goopy Paltrow’s steam tunnel of a cooze. The LAPD better put Detective Amber on an unpaid leave after I file a harassment claim against her for giving me the image of Goopy gooping all over Jay-Z’s dick. I’ve been attacked.
Step aside, image of Beyoncé and Jay-Z standing in front of the Mona Lisa: there’s a new piece of art in every Beyhive member’s Beyoncé gallery. Beyoncé and Jay-Z recently wrapped up the European leg of their On The Run II Tour, and yesterday she posted pictures on her website of her and the family hanging out on a yacht.
Blue Ivy is usually the star of the show, but we’ve already seen so many pictures of her and not really any of the 13-month-old twins, Sir and Rumi Carter. So the big news from Beyoncé’s digital photo album was this shot of Sir and Rumi sitting on her lap. Although who knows? Maybe this is just another set of decoy babies used to lead us off the scent of the real twins. If so, then how does one go about applying for that kind of job? Because “decoy friend hired by the hour to take pictures on a billionaire couple’s yacht” sounds like a gig I could get into.
Now, I don’t know much about baby safety, but they’re playing with water balloons, a toy definitely feel is one of those Ages 3 and Up things. That’s probably why Sir, on the left, looks so despondent. Being given a toy he can’t even put in his mouth and chew on – how depressing. Well, that or he’s a billionaire baby who is silently judging the laminate deck installed on that yacht. “They couldn’t even spring for Brazilian teak? Despicable.”
Aside from the babies, here are some more of Beyoncé, Jay-Z, and Blue living a better life than all of us.
Does the Louvre really need the ticket sales that badly? Isn’t it the place tourists in France automatically flock to after visiting that tower thingy? Vulture tells us that, since setting their latest video “APESHIT” in the famed home of the Mona Lisa, the Louvre now has a tour inspired by the Carters bringing high art to the sullied masses. As if the Mona Lisa didn’t have enough to contend with what with tourists always complaining about how small she is in person.
In the video, Bey and Jay pose sullenly in front of various pieces of art while their dancers do each other’s hair, experience what looks like collective full body dry heaves, and undulate in front of the velvet ropes. It’s like art squared! And now YOU can experience the experiencing that the Carters experienced in what is probably the world’s most famous art museum.
The Parisian museum reportedly now has a 90-minute guided tour taking you through 17 pieces of art depicted in the recent Beyoncé and Jay-Z video, which dropped on June 16.
If you don’t have the money to drop on an overpriced pastel and tickets to Gay Paree, Vulture was cool enough to put together a guide identifying all of the paintings that the Most Important People In The World further enriched by posing in front of them.
This is going to enrage a lot of people who want to go on this tour. They’re going to expect the entire museum to clear out, and all of the Louvre staff to turn their backs and refrain from looking at and speaking to them. Please be forewarned that the privilege here is to be able to stand where they stood, you don’t get to be them. What are you – insane?
When you’re Beyoncé, you only travel via private jet, Bentley, and heavenly clouds (or so the Beyhive would like us to believe). Alas, in her latest stop on her Let’s Make That Coin tour (also known as On The Run II) with husband Jay-Z, the stage fucked up, and the only way for Bey to get down was from a ladder even the most basic of us bitches could find over on aisle 13 at the local Home Depot. The HORROR and COMMONALITY of it all! Continue reading