The Beyhive got their stingers in a twist when their Google alerts went all dingy this week with the vicious claim that Ariana Grande got paid twice as much as their leader Beyonce to headline Coachella. I mean, it makes sense, since Ariana had the best four members of NSYNC in her Coachella show, and Beyonce didn’t even TRY to get O-Town for hers. But because this is not a belated April Fool’s Day prank, and anyone on their meds would know that we are living in real life world and not The Upside Down, of course there is no way in Hell, on God’s Green Earth, or while Beyonce is still living and breathing (and probably into the Afterlife, who are we kidding) that type of wage gap disparity would actually happen to the Queen of the Honey
Go ahead and take your ass back to Target, and return those egg dying kits and boxes of Peeps, if haven’t already eaten them for your breakfast, which I know you have. Because Easter is canceled! The annual celebration of Jesus’ resurrection has been shelved, because Jesus knows he cannot compete with the Beysurrection of Beyonce at Beychella. At every mall across America, the people who play the Easter Bunny are changing out of that costume and into a bee costume because nobody cares about that irrelevant rabbit right now!
As expected, a special about Beyonce’s 2018 Coachella performance was released on Netflix early this morning, and as not-that-expected, she also released a 40-track live album of the performance. Happy Beyster Day, or as it’s also known as, Happy International Beyhive Member Fake Coughing While Calling In Sick To Work Day!
For the first time in furstory, RuPaul needs to tell both Mufasa (James Earl Jones) and Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) to sashay away. The time came for them to lipsync for their lives, and they both fucked it up. In the first full-length trailer for Disney’s “live-action” remake of The Lion King, it’s impossible to tell what is a voiceover and what is supposed to be coming out of them critters’ mouths. Sorry, Disney. This is not an improvement. I honestly think they’ve made a grave mistake. None of this looks right to me. In the original, Simba smiled to express joy. You cannot have a realistic lion smile, it would be positively ghoulish. So they’ve all got weird, stiff mouths and they should have kept their veils on.
So this is really the reason why Solange suddenly dropped out of Coachella. Beyonce just couldn’t let her have her ONE moment, dammit!
Joe Biden isn’t the only dude who is getting tarred and feathered for kissing a woman without permission (and Joe’s a repeat offender). Actor Omari Hardwick from Power better put on a suit of armor and an industrial-strength beekeeper hat and veil because he’s going to have to answer to the Beyvengers (made up of the Beyhive and Solange in her elevator whoopin’ shoes) for making their Beysus uncomfortable by kissing on her face twice. Beyonce’s gonna have to get a team of beydyguards to guard her cheek at all times. First Sanaa Lathan tried to Cape Fear her cheek off and now Omari Hardwick is putting his lips on it twice.
Deadline reports that the richest couple to be on the run from the law since 2014 Beyoncé and Jay-Z, were finally honored for being huge gay icons when they finally received their very own Vanguard Award at the 30th Annual GLAAD Media Awards last night at the Beverly Hilton. When it was first announced that Bey-Z were being honored for their contribution to LGBTQ rights, many wanted the receipts. But well, what gay hasn’t shaken their hand to Single Ladies on YouTube? And I’m sure their presence helped GLAAD to sell many tables at their fancy gala. So there’s that!