Category: Beyonce

In “Your Mileage May Vary” News, Beyonce Might Have Told Off Kim Kardashian

December 31, 2016 / Posted by:

This item comes to us via Radar, so, there’s your salt shaker. All you need is a grain.

A “source” from the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West side of the tracks claims that Beyonce allegedly read Kim her rights during a harsh phone call. Pfff, like Beyonce even uses something as common as a “phone.” All her messages are sent by burning bush or global flood.

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Beyonce Got A Lot Of Grammy Nominations

December 6, 2016 / Posted by:

The nominations for the 59th Grammy Awards were announced this morning, and to the shock of absolutely no one except maybe a Mormon granny who’s been on a quilting retreat for the past 12 months, both Beyonce and Adele got a lot of nominations. Beyonce got 9 and Adele got 5. Oh, and some other people got nominated for awards too. For example, human UTIs The Chainsmokers got a nomination for Best New Artist. The Grammys are in February, which means The Chainsmokers only have two months to get matching custom-made suits fitted with a vape holder, flask holster, coke pocket, and automatic crotch mister connected to a colostomy bag filled with Diesel cologne.

I want to make a joke about how Beyonce probably shouldn’t expect Adele to repeat that tender moment on Grammys night since they’ll both be too busy shooting sharpened eye-daggers at each other every time one of the categories they’re nominated in comes up. But I highly doubt that’s how it’s going to go.  The opposite of that will probably happen. They’ll probably spend the whole night trying to pawn their awards off on each other, because the muscles in their forearms are probably so exhausted from holding so many trophies over the years. “No, I insist – you go get this one. I’ve got far too many at home.

All the nominations are here, but a lot are after the cut. If your name is Taylor Swift, you might want to skip the past the Best Rap/Sung Performance category unless you want rage by reading that Kanye West got a nomination for Famous.

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Kanye Cut A Concert Short In Sacramento After Accusing Beyonce Of Malfeasance!

November 20, 2016 / Posted by:

And his latest delusional “LOOK AT ME!” wave is juuuust about cresting with this one. The NY Daily News reports that Kanye West briefly brought his Saint Pablo tour to Sacramento, CA last night. I type “briefly,” because he exited stage crazy after performing only three songs (repeating one – so actually two songs) and then stopping to go after Beyonce, as well as Jay Z. Oh, and before that, he brought out Kid Cudi to hug and to assist on those two songs. So his not-trying ass didn’t even perform his two-song concert on his own!

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Let Basement Baby Soothe Your Soul With Her Deep Interpretive Dance Moves

November 6, 2016 / Posted by:

Beyonce performed at a Clinton rally in Cleveland, Ohio on Friday where she commanded the Beyhive to fly into the polling places to use their stingers to punch a hole next to the name Hillary Clinton. (Beyonce tried but you know the BeyHive is going to write-in her name in their bee blood.) While she was doing that, Solange was in NYC preparing to dust our faces with several layers of new age art, sweet lyrical dance moves and high fashion (that’s usually only found in a public access movie from the 1970s about space).

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Beyonce And The Dixie Chicks Performed At The CMAs And I Don’t Think Everyone Lived To Tell The Tale

November 3, 2016 / Posted by:

It was a night of exploding heads last night. Heads exploded during the never-ending final game of the World Series. Heads exploded while watching Diggle get topless on Arrow (and yes, a different kind of head exploded.) And heads exploded when the Dixie Chicks and Beyonce shared the stage at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. My thoughts are with the ears of the receptionists at ABC who are probably getting hit with a thousand tornados of blood-curdling anger screams from country fans who still hate those unpatriotic traitor trollops the Dixie Commies and who also hate that police-hating non-country ass Beyonce!

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