I assumed the only thing Beyoncé and Jay-Z curtsied to was cold hard cash (and maybe whatever VH1 Behind The Music producer was able to give a catty “Where are they now?!” segment to Farrah Franklin), but at this year’s Brit Awards, they showed they have a soft spot in their hearts for Duchess Meghan, probably because they want her ass to be in one of those perfume ad-esque videos they play at an upcoming On The Run tour.
If you thought you’d be running to the store to grab vegetables today, scrap those plans for about the next two weeks because there won’t be any left for miles and miles. And you can thank Jay-Z and Beyonce for the impending drought. In an attempt to get their fans to stop shoving tons of delicious meat into their hungry pie holes, they are offering one lucky fan the opportunity to score free concert tickets for life. And all it will cost them is trying out a vegan diet first.
Considering Beyoncé would sooner wear hand-me-downs from Kim Kardashian before permitting anything unflattering about her released into the public domain, someone should probably drop by and check on Michael Caine lest the Beyhive seek revenge for his chatty self. Michael and Bey were both in Austin Powers In Goldmember, surprisingly NOT the movie Michael was most ashamed of when asked recently to reflect on his career. While looking back, Michael talked about Bey, and he said she blabbed she was hungry for an Oscar.
Did you really go to Paris if you didn’t look at the Mona Lisa and gorge on croissants, red wine, and brie? Apparently people have been focusing on the latter three and less on the Mona Lisa! Actually, tourism to Paris has been down since the 2015 terrorist attacks. Sure, the Louvre is still the world’s most-visited museum, but the numbers could have been better. Have no fear, y’all! Beyoncé, Jay-Z, and the Beyhive are here to save the day.
Last night, the Beyhive probably thought their queen Beyonce was giving them an early Beymas present by releasing new music, but it was all just one big lie. Because it wasn’t new music and Beyonce wasn’t even the one who put it out. She was the victim of a shifty hacker who released old songs under the name “Queen Carter” on both Apple Music and Spotify.
In news that falls clearly in the “A check is a check” category, Beyoncé taught us all that she’ll do more than Coachella if the price is right. One of Priyanka Chopra’s bridesmaids apparently won’t need to make a Bumble appearance to pay off her own wedding catering bill because her gazillionaire dad managed to pay for Bey to come and be the damn warm-up singer at a pre-wedding bash. Who headlined?! The actual voice of God??