Prepare For The Wrath Of The Swifties And The Beyhive: Taylor Swift And Beyonce Were Shut Out Of The Major Grammy Categories
Every single Grammy voter better arm themselves with RAID Beyhive spray (yes, they make that) and Katy Purry Purrfume (a cat dies every time I type that), because their Gods, Taylor Swift and Beyonce, were denied a nomination in the major categories. The Grammy nominations were announced this morning, and while Tay Tay and Bey Bey were thrown some nominations (aka PITY NOMS!), they didn’t make it into Album of the Year, Record of the Year or Song of the Year. They also didn’t make the Best New Artist cut, and no, they’re far from new, but I’m sure their fans are screaming, “They reinvent themselves with each album they do so they’re a new artist each time!!!!”
Meanwhile, Post Malone, who I’m convinced is a Shia LaBeouf performance art piece based on his favorite Garbage Pail Kid, got nominations for AOTY and ROTY. The Beyhive better not even try to come for Post Malone, because the mutated gnats always buzzing around him will bite off their heads. They’ve been warned.
It could be said that Ed Sheeran oftentimes looks like the mascot for hitting the snooze button 12 times and grabbing whatever looks cleanest off the floor. And as a society, we’re generally okay with that. Except for last Sunday, when Ed showed up to the Global Citizen Festival in Johannesburg, South Africa for a performance with Beyoncé. The internet roasted Ed up for his wardrobe choices, and Ed recently responded to that.
The teaser trailer for Disney’s latest minimal effort cash grab, the live-action remake of The Lion King, rolled out yesterday while many of us were busy eating animals. Which is alarming if you think about it. Here’s Disney, trying to get us invested in the inner lives of talking birds and shit, as we’re feasting on the carcasses of their brethren. The sick fucks.
I’m sure Beyoncé, Madonna, Taylor Swift, Celine Dion, the yellow Teletubby, and any female to ever sing a song not named Katy Perry woke up this morning and scratched their head over this news. The annual list of highest-paid female singers is out, and I guess that American Idol reboot check was invested well. Katy Perry made the most bank out of any chanteuse.
While Rob Kardashian is out here getting bailed out by his mama, Beyoncé herself has bought her activewear brand Ivy Park back from the Arcadia Group Ltd. That shit is now 100% owned by Beyoncé and not a damn person in the world can say anything about it. Especially the Arcadia chairman, Philip Green, who is currently under investigation for sexual and racial harassment. In 2018 if your CEO or someone isn’t being investigated for being racist or sexist, are you even in business?
Two years ago, Andre Maurice and Leana Lopez of Feyoncé Inc., located out of Texas, began selling items in the same typeface and colors Beyoncé favors for her own merch. All the items said “feyoncé,” which looked similar to “Beyoncé” and was pronounced “fiancé,” which played off Beyoncé’s song, Single Ladies (sometimes paired with cute lines about putting a ring on it and whatnot). Beyoncé sued, demanding that they stop selling the items and requesting 100% of the profits already made. Feyoncé Inc. fired back, saying they never marketed themselves as a Beyoncé-adjacent brand, that Beyoncé is a bully, and that they’re just a t-shirt company that targets engaged couples.