Category: Beth Ditto

Beth Ditto Got Married

July 24, 2013 / Posted by:

Beth Ditto got married in Maui, Hawaii recently to her girlfriend who I really thought was Jenny Shimizu for about thirty five seconds. (No, not all Asian lesbians look the same to me,thankyouverymuch! Just Asian lesbians with Jason Bateman circa 1991 haircuts.) Beth wore a dress she wore in Jean Paul Gaultier’s show a couple of years ago and her new wife Kristin Ogata wore an adult person version of the first communion shorty suit I wore as a kid. Kristin is wearing it better, because mine was about four sizes too big and I wore it with white socks and black shoes. Tacky, I know. All of Beth and Kristin’s guests wore white too, which means that there was at least one lady there who nervously clapped and smiled while thinking to herself, “Please don’t let my coochie reenact the elevator scene from The Shining right now….please.

Beth announced her marriage on Facebook last night (via The Daily Mail):

“At long last, now that we have returned home and recovered from all the amazingness and had some time to bask in the afterglow, we are excited to share with you a pic or two from Beth and Kristin’s wedding,” said a post on the Facebook page of Ditto’s band, The Gossip. “So much love and appreciation to all of our family and friends who celebrated with us! And a huge thank you to Jean Paul Gaultier for the dream-come-true dress!”

Congratulations to Beth and Kristin. And I really hope that during the reception, drunk ass Beth ran into the middle of the dance floor and chanted, “Obama! Obama!” 

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Beth Ditto Busted For Disorderly Conduct

March 17, 2013 / Posted by:

The place to be on Saturday morning was in front of Bungalo Bar on Mississippi Avenue in Portland, because Beth Ditto of The Gossip was out on the street drunkenly declaring her love for Obama while kicking her shoes off. Somewhere Beyonce is pfft-ing at all of this, because not a day goes by when she isn’t drunkenly declaring her love for Obama while ripping her wig off.

Willamette Week (via Kelly Green Blog) says that around 1am on Saturday, Beth Ditto was turning it loose at Bungalo Bar and she wanted to fill her veins with more drops of the sweet nectar when the bartender said the five dreaded words every party time bitch hates to hear: “You is cut off, slut!” Beth didn’t let that slow her roll down. She walked out of the bar, kicked off her shoes and sashayed into the middle of the street while screaming, “Obama! Obama!”  Beth’s friends were trying to get her into the car when the cops showed up and ruined the party.

The cops were already down the street arresting some dude for tagging a wall, so they saw Beth screaming in the middle of the street. They arrested her and charged her with second-degree disorderly conduct.

If anybody deserved to be arrested, it was those cops. How unpatriotic of them to arrest a drunken ho who is doing some belated campaigning for Obama. America is supposed to be the land of the free and the definition of “free” is screaming in the middle of the street while drunk off your ass. But even though Beth’s buzz was killed, she still kept it glamorous for the cameras. She looks like a chola who rolled out of bed, quickly dressed up her eyelids with a Sharpie and then walked on over to the corner bakery to buy some pan dulce for her vato. Early morning chola stunningess.

Beth Ditto Still Hates Eyebrows

October 3, 2010 / Posted by:

For reasons I will never understand even if you spelled it out for me using the ink from Mah Boo Anderson Cooper’s favorite peen (Freudian slipped on purpose), the secret love child of Mrs. Swan and Ursula walked the Gaultier show in Paris yesterday without two very important things: EYEBROWS!

Beth Ditto slathers her face with every single shit found in the shoe box marked “Slutoween make-up” you keep under your bed, yet she refuses to draw upside down smiles over her eyes with a Sharpie! What have eyebrows ever done to Beth? Why doesn’t she let her eyes once again experience the beautiful feeling of having twin rainbows of exquisiteness over them?

Are her eyelashes shoo-shoo-shooing them away out of jealousy? Are her eye sockets eating ’em? WHY? WHY? WHY? Bring Beth in for questioning! This crusade against brows must come to an end.

Where Do I Begin?

July 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Here is Beth Ditto performing with The Gossip at the Wireless Festival in London….and I really don’t know how to handle her eyebrow situation, among other things. I mean, her pomelo pussy haircut…. Her “King Koopa going to a fetish party” dress…. The way she’s attacking that mic like it’s a delicious chocolate-covered churro trying to run away (I was going to write “hard peen” but Beth is the opposite of strictly dickly)…. And the brows….

THE BROWS! It looks like Beth drew on her brows while getting tickled in the no-no in the back of a pick-up driving down an extra bumpy road. What am I supposed to do with those brows? If you stare at them long enough it almost looks like her eye holes are giving birth to Bart Simpson.

I’m just going to leave these pictures for you right here while I go and sniff on a bunch of Sharpies. Maybe they will help me understand.

Quote Of The Day

March 31, 2010 / Posted by:

Beth Ditto on how she used to be the government cheese version of Winona Ryder:

“I have a hard time not buying or stealing. If I want something, I have to have it. But not anymore. The last time was three months ago – a dress from Marshalls. I used to steal more. I mostly stole from Goodwill. You know, ‘Can’t be bothered. The line’s too long. Put it in your purse’.”

via Paper Mag

What In The Name Of Divine?!

September 7, 2009 / Posted by:

Oh, look! It’s the broken condom baby of Little Orphan Annie and Divine! Although, the sun won’t be coming out tomorrow, because Beth is blocking it!

Beth Ditto normally looks like something Leigh Bowery queefed up, but she looked extra dragalicious last night, because she was judging some drag show in London. I approve of this look only because her hair is probably what Carrot Top’s nut bush looks like.

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