Category: Ben Affleck

A Thing You Needed To Know: Casey Affleck Used To Touch Himself To Vicki The Robot

January 10, 2017 / Posted by:

No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.

Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.

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Ben Affleck Was Seen With A “Mystery Blonde” (UPDATE)

January 6, 2017 / Posted by:

Well, well, well, it looks like Ben Affleck may be auditioning new pap stroll partners. The Daily Mail posted EXCLUSIVO pictures of a thrilled-looking Ben hanging with a ~*~mysterious~*~ lady friend, who is sort of giving me “rested Kellyanne Conway with a splash of Amy Poehler.”

Ben and his mystery date (Side note: My favorite Mystery Date is Tyler.) had lunch yesterday at Sugarfish in Beverly Hills before going to a bookstore together. You know what the millennials say: a picture is worth a thousand emojis. And this one’s nothing but sad face emojis (for Ben) and happy face emojis (for mystery blonde).

They look like a sad 7-year-old who was pulled out of bed and dragged to the first day of second grade by his stay-at-home mom who can’t wait to spend the morning drinking white wine while watching Judge Judy. They also look like a grumpy grandpa whose being forced to go to his doctor’s appointment by a cheery caretaker who keeps telling him that they’ve got lollipops there.

Mystery blonde is me on Friday and Ben is me on Monday. Mystery blonde is me while bringing up Grindr on my phone and Ben is me after not getting one response.

Ben always looks miserable, so if you told me it was a date, I’d say okay, and if you told me it was a business thing, I’d say okay. But based on her facial expressions, I’d say it’s either a business situation or she’s a life coach or some sorts. I mean, she looks way too happy for a woman whose hanging out with Ben Affleck for free.

UPDATE: Page Six has ID’d the mystery blonde as Elizabeth Weaver, a detox nurse/sober companion who owns a concierge nursing business. So yeah, I’d look miserable in the face too if the paps were taking pics of me and my cheery detox nurse.

Pic: Wenn.com

BREAKING: Jennifer Garner And Ben Affleck Are Still Doing Beverage-Holding Pap Strolls Together

November 28, 2016 / Posted by:

When we last left the never-ending boring vanilla saga that is Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s separation, he was reportedly itching to officially put his man tits back on the market by divorcing her. Ben probably wanted to divorce Jennifer right away because his mid-life crisis isn’t fully complete until he quickie marries a 19-year-old Instagram model in Las Vegas. Jennifer was supposedly trying to push back their divorce plans and probably because she’s just not ready to do coffee runs in front of the paparazzi by herself just yet.

Yet another “Ben And Jen Reconcile!” headline was born this weekend when the two took their kids to church. They also got coffee together at their favorite place Farmshop in the Brentwood Country Mart this morning.

Something in Farmshop’s half & half ain’t clean about this…

I refuse to believe that there’s two rich and separated Hollywood types out there who have the ability to actually play nice for the sake of anything including their kids and images. Maybe Jennifer has been secretly getting revenge on that (alleged) nanny fucker by spiking his Farmshop coffee with breast enhancing vitamins. That would explain his luscious chichis. Yeah, I’ll go with that. And I bet that Farmshop hopes these two never ever get divorced. It seems like they get coffee there together every damn hour, so the second they divorce and go their separate ways, Farmshop will have to declare bankruptcy.

Pics: FameFlynet, Wenn.com, Splash

Sam Rubin Will Not Be Censored By Ben Affleck’s PR Team!

October 6, 2016 / Posted by:

KTLA’s Sam Rubin has been one of THEE premiere entertainment reporters on the Los Angeles local news scene for centuries and goddammit, he deserves some respect and doesn’t need some PR person telling him to fast forward his mouth to the next question and to stay on topic. But that’s exactly what a PR person did to him at the junket for Ben Affleck’s new movie The Accountant. If you’ve seen the trailer for The Accountant, you probably thought it was just an H&R Block commercial where Ben does a parody of his bro-friend Matt Damon’s old characters from The Bourne Identity and Good Will Hunting. But it’s a real movie.

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