Last week, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck began the journey to legally cremate their marriage and spread its ashes at one of their favorite places: the pap stroll in front of the Brentwood Country Mart. They had been separated for an eternity (two years) and many of us thought that the chances of Nine Lives being inducted into the National Film Registry were greater than Jennifer and Ben divorcing each other. But they both filed papers and now People is popping up to say why they waited. A source tells them that Jennifer waited to file until Ben finished up rehab treatment for booze addiction. Ben apparently thought that if he cleaned up and got his shit together in rehab, he may have been able to save his marriage. We all know how that worked out.
Most of us probably assumed that right after Jennifer Garner officially filed for divorce, Ben Affleck grabbed his vape pen and sped down to Coachella in his mid-life crisismobile to look for his next wife. According to TMZ, Ben was already dating again after being in estranged husband limbo for so long. But E! News would like to add some info to that.
Yesterday, TMZ said that Ben is casually seeing someone new, adding that it’s not serious. A short while later, E! News let everyone know that a source tells them that’s not really the case.
“Ben is not dating anyone seriously,” our inside explained. “He and Jen are working on their relationship and have not ruled out dating in the future.”
TMZ says Ben is casually dating, whereas E! says Ben isn’t dating seriously. Okay. I think that’s an obtuse way of saying he’s just fucking fuck buddies for now.
Here’s Ben and Jen looking like The Heart Family while leaving church on Easter Sunday. Well, The Heart Family if the dad was the type who retreats to the garage after dinner to blast Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down from his car stereo.
After what has seemed like eons of “just fucking get divorced already,” Jennifer Garner finally filed the official documents to end her marriage to our saddest Batman – Ben Affleck. This means that Ben is going to have to move out of their Pacific Palisades property’s guest house, where he’s been living for the past two years. That also means he’s going to have to finally let the housekeeping staff into the guest house to pick up all the empties, nanny panties, and, of course, that autographed photo (you know he has one) of Tom Brady with the mysterious stains on it. He better leave them a tip!
If you put down “April 13, 2017″ in your “When Will Jennifer Garner File For Divorce?” pool, then you’re lying, because everybody had “April 13, 2000ANDNEVER.” I know they’ve only been officially over for around two years, but I thought that one of the last things I’d see before dying would be an important news report saying that 94-year-old Ben Affleck and 94-year-old Jennifer Garner haven’t decided if they’re going to divorce yet.
Joss Whedon declared over a year ago that he broke up with Marvel because making the second Avengers movie nearly put him in a grave. It looks like he’s finally found a rebound piece in DC. Joss will be the mastermind behind a standalone Batgirl movie.
Open Post: Hosted By Ben Affleck And Jennifer Garner Serving Up “One Big Happy Family” Realness For The Paps
It’s been almost two weeks since Ben Affleck publicly thanked his “co-parent” Jennifer Garner for supporting him as he spent time in rehab for booze addiction. And about a week before that, there was a rumor that Jennifer had thrown her plans to divorce Ben onto the pile marked “Not Right Now,” because they were trying to work things out. Well, here they are laughing, smiling and cheesing it up on the pap stroll like old times.
While still looking like ten layers of rough, Ben was papped yesterday leaving a church in L.A. with his co-parent and their kids. This has to be the greatest acting job I’ve seen both of them do. I mean, look at how happy and smiley they are. Jennifer looks like she just remembered that Ben’s got a douchey van mural tattooed on his back, and Ben looks like he just temporarily forgot that he’s got a douchey van mural tattooed on his back. It’s not natural to look that happy when you’re leaving church. The times that I have gone to church, I leave looking tired (from sleeping through most of the mass), scared (from watching my abuelita throw hot side-eyes of rage at me for sleeping through mass) and traumatized (from hearing about how my soul will probably burn, along with Lucifer’s ass warts, in hell).
Either they’re acting or they skipped church and went straight to the stroll. Yeah, that’s probably what they did.