Pour out that venti Americano with a splash of almond milk from Starbucks (actually don’t, because that mess probably cost you like $45 and there’s no need to waste it on these two), because Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have left us SHOOKus once again by delivering the sequel to their first break up. They have ended things again. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire coffee industry who are definitely shaking in fear over their future now that coffee’s IT couple has broken up. The shoulder of Juan Valdez’s donkey is probably covered in his tears as he cries on his sidekick over this awful news.
OK, at least laying claim to stale jelly-filled doughnuts and iced coffee isn’t as bad as, y’know, being a white woman who thinks she birthed the ancient practice of yoga. Ben Affleck is a Boston boy, and apparently some Masshole traits have moved with him to Hollywood, like rooting for the Red Sox, foul taste in body art, and starting the day with a giant vat of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.
Ben Affleck is back on the scene post rehab, so you know what that means: back to innocuous interviews with other celebrities and hosts where you talk about non-essential bullshit while promoting a project! Yay! Ben stopped by Ellen and they talked all about his sobriety and, more importantly, that back tattoo that looks like a Meat Loaf album cover barfed all over him.
Lindsay Shookus and Ben Affleck have decided to give things another solid go. Since getting back together, Ben’s buddies have been worried that he’s in a fragile spot with his recovery, and as Lindsay is not sober, they’re afraid this re-pairing might be a bad thing. Well, Ben’s friends can untwist their bunched up panties, because sources claim Lindsay doesn’t drink around Ben. Instead, Ben and Lindsay are pushing aside the booze bottles and welcoming Britney Spear’s favorite drink of choice, the royal Frap. Ok, Ben and Lindsay are drinking boring coffee instead, but hey, at least it’s not spiked with Wild Turkey.
Ben Affleck just can’t seem to stay single for very long. Us Weekly reports that he and Lindsay Shookus are “are totally back on” on after being spotted together over the weekend. Looks like Lindsay finally got her timing right! Neither are still married like they both allegedly were when they first got together back in the summer of 2017. The two were together for a year before they ended things that fateful summer of 2018. Now they’re both divorced! And now that Ben’s working on his sobriety, and not eating cold Jack In The Box fries off of a Playboy model’s chest anymore, he’s almost a catch. Lindsay was smart to let Jennifer Garner swoop in and do the heavy lifting that got him there for her. Thankless work, that is.
Lately, Ben Affleck is probably feeling freer than you ladies feel when you take your bras off at the end of the day. This would be ever since he was able to unyoke HIS boobies from HIS bra aka not having to play florid movie Batman anymore. Ben (who’s also officially divorced and post-rehab) is seemingly feeling so good that he’s even ringing up the woman he dated before shit went downhill for him. The Daily Mail reports that Ben and his Saturday Night Live producer ex-gf Lindsay Shookus were spotted on a Starbucks run together in L.A. yesterday, and Metro reports that they had dinner together last night (pics above). And somewhere, a Playboy model’s single tear has sadly alighted on one surgically augmented breast.