Category: Bella Thorne

This Wreck Of A Union Was Bound To Happen At One Point…

May 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Bella Thorne is Lindsay Lohan’s successor in meth (I meant to type “successor in messiness” but that works too) and Scott Disick is the Brandon Davis of our time (aka a glob of douche discharge that we’d all probably do and live to regret after getting our gonorrhea results from the free clinic), so these two train wrecks were bound to crash into each other. This is probably going to end with Scott calling Bella a “firecrotch” to the paparazzi as whoever is the Parasite Hilton of our time (Hailey Baldwin? The Cash Me Ousside Girl? jiffpom?) cackles behind him.

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Bella Thorne Swears Off Birth Control And Tylenol

April 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Bella Thorne is 19 years old and a human party, and that’s sort of the age where a mess may want to put all kinds of drugs in their mouth. But not Bella Thorne. Bella claims she’s pharmaceutical-free. Lindsay Lohan’s unlicensed spin-off recently admitted during an interview with Yahoo! Style to promote her new show Famous in Love that  she’s “all natural.” I guess she’s just talking about meds only.

Bella got into it while discussing a recent tweet she deleted in which she claimed to have “come to the conclusion” that she struggles with depression.

“I took it down because maybe some people were hurt by what I said in some way. I just wanted to say, ‘You’re not alone.’ The people you think have the most perfect lives, don’t. I wasn’t saying that I clinically went to a doctor. I didn’t know it was a big thing. You can judge me for believing my beliefs. In my family, we never went to doctors growing up. I don’t like medication. I don’t even take birth control. I won’t even take Advil or Tylenol. I power through. I’m all natural.”

Bella is entering her horny and careless years (aka your 20s), and let me tell you from first hand experience, those are the years you want access to real medication. Sure, you can do condoms for baby-prevention and some STDs and lavender oil temple-rubs for hangover healing. But I guarantee she’ll get about 3 days into her first knee-buckling UTI before she crawls into a walk-in clinic and cries, “Fuck the magic healing powers of cranberries, hook my vagina up directly to a bottle of Ciprofloxacin.

Here’s more Bella Thorne at Freeform’s 2017 Upfront in NYC on Wednesday looking like Harley Quinn’s trashy teenage step-sister named eScooter.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Sorry Everyone, But Bella Thorne Says That’s Not Gregg Sulkin’s Dick On The Internet

January 18, 2017 / Posted by:

During the past week or so, peens allegedly belonging to several cast members of MTV’s Teen Wolf have leaked all over that internet. Dick pics and/or videos supposedly of Cody Christian, Ryan Kelley and Tyler Posey have popped up on the internet. I know, dicks pics of Teen Wolf dudes are sprouting up left and right and none are of Tyler Hoechlin. The universe really knows how to tease a bitch. The universe is that PornHub video that cuts off 2 seconds before the money shot. Gregg Sulkin isn’t in Teen Wolf, but he was on another MTV show, Faking It, and he did date Tyler Posey’s ex Bella Thorne, and I guess that’s good enough to add him to The Fappening: Teen Wolf Edition. BUT WAIT!

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Open Post: Hosted By Bella Thorne’s Trashy Groupie Elegance

December 29, 2016 / Posted by:

You’re doing fashion right if people look at you and don’t know whether that’s a real outfit on your body or if they somehow woke up on October 31st and you’re going to a costume party dressed as the rejected groupie of Florida’s fourth most popular Mötley Crüe cover band.

Phoebe Price and Shauna Sand’s heir apparent Bella Thorne somehow managed to glue together the pieces of her broken heart after two STUNT QUEEN relationships failed to reach long-term contract negotiations, and got herself a new look. Normally, I’d scream ILLEGAL over a ginger (even a faux ginger like Bella) erasing the sun’s rays from her hair by dying it, but in this case, I love it!

That black/blue hair color mixed with that 80s Sunset Strip hooker ensemble makes Bella look like the face of Alan’s of North Hollywood’s (that’s Frederick’s of Hollywood’s stepbrother) collection inspired by The Misfits (I’m talking about The Misfits from Jem, not the other band). Bella also looks like she’s doing fuck-effort Vine from GLOW cosplay.

In other words, Bella Thorne is continuing to show the world that she is the future of style, grace and pure glamour.

Here’s more of Bella delivering loads of blue-haired Cherie Currie perfection while going to a party in L.A. last night with my other new favorite fashion icon Keke Palmer.

Pics: Splash

The Love Story Of Our Time Is Over Before It Even Started

December 22, 2016 / Posted by:

File this under: Shit you can talk to your 10-year-old cousin about while the other adults are fighting about politics on Christmas Day.

Our faith in true love was restored a few days ago when completely organic pictures of 19-year-old Bella Thorne (star of Boo! A Madea Halloween) and 24-year-old Charlie Puth (the toddler-faced crooner who is responsible for that One Call Away song) came out. The certified natural pictures were of Bella and Charlie looking like a couple on the beach as she gifted the eyes of beachgoers with her three-cent Pretty Woman cosplay glamour. But sadly, their days of doing staged photo-ops are behind them, because they’re over. I know, I can’t believe I’m writing about them again either. But it was either them or that other fake couple (Blob & Chinet).

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Bella Thorne And Charlie Puth Are Marvin Gaye-ing It

December 20, 2016 / Posted by:

When the kids aren’t screaming over the drama between that one who left Fifth Harmony and the other Harmonies (translation for the oldies: it’s like Ginger leaving the Spice Girls, I think), they’re brain-burping up giant question marks over LiLo-in-training (copyright: Pop Culture Died in 2009) and my favorite ginger teen mess Bella Thorne doing a couple-y photo-op with Charlie Puth on a beach in Miami. If you’re an old who’s brain-burping up a giant question mark over the name “Charlie Puth,” he’s the Nickelodeon-ized Andy Samberg/Sam Smith hybrid who is responsible for causing Marvin Gaye’s body to roll into a pile of skeleton dust.

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