If a recently de-Biebered Selena Gomez was thinking of shooting her ex The Weeknd any “Hey, you up?” texts, she might want to hold off. Because it would appear he’s getting busy with an ex of his own. According to Page Six, The Weeknd and Bella Hadid are both in Cannes at the moment, and apparently they’ve wasted no time in re-familiarizing themselves with each other’s mouths.
The Met Gala isn’t a human and isn’t even alive, and yet, that bitch is still getting more action than me.
The theme for the Met’s costume exhibit is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and Catholic Imagination, but the dress code for the Gala was “Sunday best.” Now, my Sunday best is a faded black Dollywood t-shirt and some Fruit of the Loom sweat shorts covered with chicharron crumbs, wine splatters and lube drops from snacking, boozing and watching porn on my couch. But I guess “Sunday best” to famous rich hos is a crown that weighs more than their head and all of the fabric found in the “Perfect For Granny’s Living Room Curtains” section at Hobby Lobby.
With the likes of Kaia Gerber and Lily Rose-Depp coming for their “it” nepotism models of the fashion world crown, Bella and Gigi Hadid have to pull out some shit to stay on top. So they pulled off their chonies, decided their coochies needed to have a kiki and brought some high fashion “incest is best” shit to British Vogue. The Kartrashian-Jenners are probably going to try to top this. The silica gel packets they call their brains are probably melting from them trying to figure out the logistics of how 5 sisters can do a naked 69 pose. Thanks a lot, Bella and Gigi!
Sometimes it feels like the young and famous in showbusiness seem to date exclusively within a 5 mile ex-swapping radius. With that being said, it wasn’t much of a surprise when it was rumored The Weeknd had moved on from Selena Gomez to Yovanna Ventura, an ex of Selena’s current boyfriend Justin Bieber. But it looks like The Weeknd might also be nostalgic for his own ex, Bella Hadid. And there you have it, The Weeknd is the winner of his boring beef with Drake.
The difference between goddesses and us peasants is that when peasants like myself wake up with a giant purple ruffled wart on our shoulder, we go down to the free clinic with a list of our past fuck partners while trying to remember which one of them rubbed their dirty dick on our shoulder. But when goddesses wake up with a giant purple ruffed wart on their shoulder, they work it to the core at an event and bring the people to their knees.
Iman put the glamour in Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards in NYC last night when she slid along the red carpet in a Christian Siriano gown that made her look like that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur if that ultra glamorous Jurassic Park dinosaur got a fairy godmother to turn them into a human goddess. Iman also looks like the most gorgeous venus fly trap that ever sprouted from the earth, and if they ever do that Little Shop of Horrors remake, she can play Audrey II. But instead of eating humans, she causes them to pass out from the power of her pose skills.
Here’s more from last night’s Women of the Year Awards. Nobody can touch Iman and her ruffled fortune cookie, but I am into Nicole Kidman’s tits beneath my wings dress.
Two weeks ago, Bella Hadid got some attention after a cringeworthy sneaker video she made went viral. Hidden under all the “homeboy can like, get itttt” jokes was the news that she might be dating Drake. Sources denied the rumor to UsWeekly, Bella’s mom Yolanda Hadid kind of denied it on WWHL. Two weeks later, and that rumor has been upgraded. Not only is Bella allegedly dating Drake, but it’s caused things to get very dramatic between him and fellow Toronto boy The Weeknd.