If John Travolta and Kelly Preston are the Kate and William of Scientology’s royal couples, then Beck and Marissa Ribisi are the Meghan and Harry. But as Prince Charles proved (or Tom Cruise in this scenario), there’s no actual law prohibiting a royal divorce. Lifelong Scientologists Beck and Marissa (both were raised by believers), are proving once and for all, that all is possible Under His Eye (L.Ron’s eye in this scenario). Quick, somebody needs to run tell Jenna Elfman that just because you’re a dyed in the wool Scientologist, it doesn’t mean you have to spend an earth eternity living in miserable marriage in the name of Going Clear.
The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
Many of us would probably rather sit through an audit by the IRS while wearing Crocs than sit at a party hosted by gross slug Tyga, but not Paul McCartney, Beck and Taylor Hawkins from Foo Fighters. Tyga hosted a Grammys after-party last night at the Argyle and Paul, Beck and Taylor apparently tried to get in but were denied by the door people. When Paul and company were turned away, he joked, “How VIP do we gotta get?” and “We need another hit, guys!”
I don’t know if it’s embarrassing or a compliment to get denied from that salamander douche’s party. I’ll go with the latter. You’re probably wondering why would Paul want to go to that salamander douches party. I came up with 3 reasons:
1. Paul is a down-low Scientologist and he and Beck were trying to steal Tyga away from that “other” cult (the Kardashians).
2. Paul is losing it.
3. Paul was confused and thought that “Tyga” is short for “La Tigresa del Oriente” and who wouldn’t want to go to La Tigresa del Oriente’s party?
But apparently, none of those reasons are right. The Argyle tells TMZ that Paul got shit mixed up and was trying to go to Mark Ronson’s party at Hyde. When he figured out he was at the wrong club, he left. Even though the video shows them getting turned away, the Argyle claims they would’ve let them in if they wanted in.
Here’s the sad, sad scene brought to you by TMZ:
It does make sense that Paul was turned away from Tyga’s party. I mean, to get into a party hosted by Tyga, you either have to be a teenage girl or you have to BYOTDTPOTANR (Bring Your Own Teenage Daughter To Pimp Out To A Nobody Rapper).
Mark this day in your calendars. Self-appointed legendary genius and authority of everything Kanye West admitted he was WRONG about something. Sounds like Jesus finally took the wheel, pulled the car over, and told Yeezus he’s had damn near enough of his bullshit before threatening to leave his ass at the next rest stop.
During an interview with the Sunday Times (via NME), Kanye konfessed that maybe he might have been wrong about that time he verbally dry fucked Beck for not “respecting artistry” after he won the Grammy award for Album of the Year over Beyonce. At the time, Kanye blamed his little backstage temper tantrum on the voices inside his head. And now he’s throwing those voices under the bus, because he’s admitting the words they made him say might have been not so true:
“I’m fine to apologize for inaccuracies. You know, I send flowers for inaccuracies. I talked to Beck’s wife, and I think I had a point about Beyonce’s album, but I think I was inaccurate with the concept of a gentleman who plays 14 instruments not respecting artistry.”
I can just picture Beck’s wife (Cynthia from Dazed and Confused) realizing she’s been listening to Kanye West talking at her for 148 minutes and thinking “I never should have answered the phone.” But don’t get too used to this new self-aware humble Kanye; right after he apologized, he yanked it all away by saying this:
“Isn’t it amazing that people are so constantly shocked by the commonly agreed-in truth? How much bullshit are we in if, every single time I give not just my opinion, but a vast 80%, 90% opinion, I get into that much trouble? When the truth is a mass opinion. That’s not about accuracy, it’s the definition of truth.
He also mumbled some nonsense about a chair, saying: “I could compare myself to this chair, I’m saying, ‘I’ve got all this on my back, so I’m a chair.’ People get really uptight about my comparisons, but I’m an extreme speaker, and I speak through comparisons.” And just like that, Kanye yanks the wheel back from Jesus and starts weaving around the streets of Crazytown once again.
While we’re on the topic of comparisons, here’s Kanye’s bronzer-covered yoga ball Kim Kardashian reminding her little sister Kylie that she’s still the queen of the tits-out game while walking through the airport yesterday.
Sometimes we just need a ginger rock goddess from Scotland to strap a trick in his high chair and spoon feed him a whole lot of truth. Shirley Manson of Garbage watched with all of us as Kanye West pulled an “Imma” fake out on Beck at the Grammys before later telling E! that he wasn’t joking and Beyonce should have won Album of the Year, because artistry must be respected. I’m sure the Grammy hos heard Kry Baby Kanye loud and clear and next year will belatedly pay tribute to his wife’s highly artistic contributions to the music world by naming “Jam (Turn It Up” as Best Song By A Soulless Hose Beast.
Even though Beck isn’t bothered, Shirley just couldn’t stay quiet as Kanye shit on Beck’s win and continued to defend a woman who already has her own team of bodyguards (led by welterweight elevator fighter Basement Baby), so she spit out her rant on Facebook.
When Kanye West almost “Imma’d” Beck at the Grammys last night, I thought he was doing a little joking and attention whoring at the same time, but nope. Kanye wasn’t joking and he wanted to take us all the way back to the 2009 MTV VMAs by snatching away Beck’s microphone to rant about how Beyonce had the greatest album of all-time.
After the Grammys, Kanwhine and Kummy Kakes talked to Khlozilla and the other head nodders at E! and he used his time in front of their cameras to rip off E!’s logo from the mic and stick his tongue all the way up Beyonce’s bey-hole by saying that she should’ve won Album of the Year and the Grammys need to embrace real artists (“Um, they totally do!” – Grammy nominee Meghan Trainor). Kanye wanted to hijack Beck’s Grammy moment and spit out a stan stream for Beyonce into that mic, but he didn’t, because of his clothing line or something.