Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).
Zooey Deschanel, Taye Diggs And Rebel Wilson Are In The Hollywood Bowl’s “Beauty And The Beast” Concert
We’ve barely finished scouring the 2017 live action version of Beauty and The Beast for homosexual subtext and the Hollywood Bowl is already trying to complicate matters further by changing LeFou into a woman in their upcoming live concert. Entertainment Weekly reports that Rebel Wilson will be strapping one on to play LeFou opposite Taye Diggs as Gaston. Sorry Idris, you’ll just have to wait for the inevitable next “re imagining“. But wait, it gets worse! Belle’s about to get reverse She’s All That-ed and will be played by Zooey Deschanel.
If you didn’t see the live-action Beauty and the Beast movie this past weekend, then you and I may be the only humans in the land who didn’t pay to see and listen to an auto-tuned Hermione Granger trying to get into the satin capris of a CGI buffalo. Although, I did try to buy tickets at around noon on Saturday, only to find out that pretty much every showing was sold the hell out. I took that as the universe doing me a favor. Because there’s not enough weed in California to keep me from snapping at a kid who won’t stop loudly singing along to that shit. And there’s also not enough weed in California to fully erase the pain from my face after some dad breaks my mouth with his fist for snapping at his singing kid.
Russia, the place with the church that looks like if pride week was a building, has a really big problem with the “exclusively gay moment” in the live action Beauty and the Beast. But unlike the Alabama drive-in theater, they’re not trying to prevent everyone from seeing it, which is a different than what was previously reported. Russia just doesn’t want anyone under 16 to see Josh Gad’s LeFou get mildy horny for Luke Evans’ Gaston.
The Russian Culture Ministry gave a statement about the situation to the Associated Press (via NBC), explaining that they received a petition from an ultraconservative lawmaker asking for BatB to be banned due to the film’s “overt and shameless propaganda of sin and sexual perversion under the guise of a fairy tale.” The Ministry isn’t banning the movie, but they have decided to slap it with a 16-plus rating. So in Russia, the only people allowed into a theater showing a Disney Princess movie will be older teenagers and adults. Yeah, that’s not completely weird.
Oh Russia – LeFou isn’t even the gayest part about the movie. LeFou could be replaced with an aggressively hetero sidekick named LeHank who spends the whole movie trying to bang the Bimbettes. But you’d still have the talking closet, the clock with the John Waters mustache, the song about entertaining with flair, and that part where a ripped hunk gets into a rassling match with a furry ripped hunk.
Honestly, if there’s anything in BatB that qualifies as propaganda, it’s Chip’s dead eyes. I refuse to let Disney brainwash me into thinking that’s not 100% creepy.
As a gay man, I can tell you this – a “gay part” can NEVER be “overblown.” Read into that what you will. Pervs. Homophobic Alabama drive-in owners, press pause! There’s a possibility you can show the live-action Beauty and the Beast at your Jesus-certified-and-approved parking lot with pretensions after all! Apparently, the homosessuality might be low-key enough to pass muster.
The owners of a North Alabama drive-in posted on their business’ Facebook page that motorists looking to see that live-action Beauty and the Beast mess at their establishment can keep right on driving. They won’t be showing the film due to the promised “exclusively gay moment” in which LeFou, played by Josh Gad, realizes he wants to hump on Gaston, coincidentally enough played by openly gay Luke Evans. Oh, no. Not at their trash-strewn parking lot with audio-visual capabilities!