Ben Affleck’s standalone Batman movie hasn’t even started shooting yet and it’s already turning into a bigger wreck than Batman & Robin (although, it’s one of my favorite thanks to Vivica A. Fox’s important cameo appearance as Ms. B. Haven). When The Batman was first announced, Warner Bros. said that Ben would be writing, directing and starring in it. But then Ben dropped out as director and Matt Reeves was brought in as his replacement. Now there’s a rumor that Ben doesn’t even want to star in it anymore and is done with playing Batman. “You’re late to the party, bitch, we were done with you playing Batman the day it was announced,” screamed millions of tricks to Ben.
Hmmm…it’s almost like Warner Bros. doesn’t want another massive flop on their hands. No. That’s definitely not why this is happening. It’s just that Ben Affleck cares so much about Batman and wants to make the best gosh-darn Batman movie he can make. And apparently that means letting someone else do the job.
Bad news for anyone who was hoping for another chance to watch Sad Jacked Batman emote through grunts on the big screen. Ben Affleck might be done with the whole Batman thing, and you can thank his integrity for that.
If Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that there’s no such thing as too bad when it comes to making money. Even though the reviews for Batman v Superman made it sound like the kind of bad that was in a race to the bottom of the shitty Batman movie barrel with Batman & Robin (which is truly the gold standard for shitty Batman movies), it continues to make a ton of money. As of yesterday, BvS has made more than half a billion dollars. And if something that bad is bringing in that many dollars, then of course there’s a chance Hollywood would green light a bunch more Batman movies, one of which might be a Batman movie written by Batman himself, Ben Affleck.
During a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter, one of the CEOs of William Morris Endeavor confirmed that their current favorite client Ben Affleck was signed on to play Batman in at least two more movies: Justice League One and Two. They also hinted at the possibility of seeing Batfleck for a fourth time. You know, because the only thing better than three Batman movies that pull in over half a billion dollars is four Batman movies that pull in over half a billion dollars. Apparently Ben has written a “really cool” script for a Batman movie, which may or may not be the solo Batman movie he’s directing that was announced last July at Comic-Con. No word on if he wrote it while dressed as Batman.
Ben still has to film those two Justice League movies, plus cameos, plus whatever non-superhero stuff he has planned. By the time they get around to making his Batman movie, he’s going to be pushing 50. I hope Ben is able to work his script around the possibility of Bruce Wayne now being a middle-aged dude who only does “really cool” Batman stuff on the weekends after he plays 9-holes of golf or if he wants to impress Robin’s new girlfriend.
“Batman v Superman” doesn’t come out until the end of the month and the PR hos at DC and Warner Bros. are not going to let anyone forget that! They’ve sunk $250 million into this movie – a movie, I suspect, is actually going to be about Ben Affleck‘s back tattoo. Entertainment Weekly has an article chronicling what’s at stake with this movie and the planned DC universe. It’s interesting but about as long as “Batman v Superman” is going to be, which is two hours and thirty-one fucking minutes!
It’s amazing to see just how hard these people want to sell us something. On the second page of the article, there’s a fun little nugget of a paragraph,
If BvS sounds crowded, it actually got smaller as time went on. The PG-13 movie’s 2 hour 31 minute runtime will expand further with an R-rated “Ultimate Edition” on home video, featuring even more brutal fight scenes as well as additional hints at future films. There’ll also be some new characters, including a secret one played by Jena Malone, who was cut from the theatrical release.
The movie isn’t even out yet and already they’re hustling us for that DVD money. They slashed that R to a PG-13 to get kiddie money and are now dangling more hardcore Ben Affleck on Henry Cavill action in front of the noses of those ride or die geeks that cream their Superman undies every time they release another teaser trailer. I really don’t have enough “I can’t”s for them selling us Jena Malone as a “secret character”. She got cut out of the movie for whatever reason, probably for time, and that’s that. Call it a deleted scene, call it a fun bonus, but please don’t try and sell me some expanded experience nonsense. This whole thing is like when you go to a fancy steakhouse and the $75 porter strip sirloin whatever doesn’t come with any sides so you have to order $12 carrots and mashed potatoes.
Pic: Warner Bros.
If I’ve learned anything about Ben Affleck, it’s that when he does something, he goes all in. When Ben Affleck decided to cheat on his wife, he went full-Hollywood and did it with the nanny. When Ben Affleck decided to take his gambling game to the next level, he started counting cards and getting kicked out of casinos. And when it comes to fixing all the fuck-ups and plot holes in the script for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, he did it dressed as Batman.
A source tells UsWeekly that when Ben arrived to set, he’d head to wardrobe, slip into his Batman suit, grab a copy of the script, and start making changes. I know Ben Affleck is an Academy Award-winning screenwriter, but I wasn’t aware he was helping write that movie. According to the Internet, he wasn’t supposed to do anything more for Superhero Slap Fight than put on a costume and scowl into the camera. But reportedly Ben “wasn’t thrilled with it and would find himself on multiple occasions fixing it the day of.”
I don’t know how long Ben spent fixing the script, but I’ll be honest – it was clearly a waste of time. I must have watched the trailers for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice at least 600 times, and not ONCE did I see anyone serving up some sweet moves to Prince’s Batdance. How can you rewrite a movie about Batman and leave out the most important aspect of the franchise? But I’ll give credit where credit is due. Ben totally could have done those rewrites in the comfort of a Doritos-covered Snuggie like a real writer (uh…or so I’ve heard). Instead, he chose to marinate in rubber Batsuit sweat and risk heat stroke to his balls. And then when he was done shooting, he made like Bruce Wayne and headed to a club where he proceeded to work his rich single guy game on a bunch of blondes. Ben is truly committed to his craft.
Pic: Warner Brothers