Poor Armie Hammer just can’t seem to catch a break (outside of being born rich, blond, and beautiful). It was recently reported that he was in “final talks” to play the role he was practically born to play, a billionaire scion with an impressive collection of rubber suits. The comic book fansite, Revenge of The Fans, reported that Armie was as good as cast as The Batman, taking over for Ben Affleck in the upcoming Matt Reeves reboot. However, faster than you can shout “eat that peach bitch!”, The Wrap pumped the brakes and announced that nothing has been decided yet, and that at 32, Armie is probably too old. I mean, I get how Ben’s 46-year-old dad-bod Batman left room for improvement, but 32 isn’t that old. For a dude. Are they (fingers crossed!) doing a Muppet Babies version or something?
The Batman is dead. Long live The Batman. Ben Affleck can stop patching up his batsuit with Fix a Flat and exhale, because he won’t be returning as The Batman in the upcoming Matt Reeves helmed standalone movie of the same name. This should surprise nobody since Ben’s sloppy brother Casey Affleck already kinda-sorta spilled the beans all down the front of his lumberjack flannel. Also, we could all tell that Ben’s heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’ll never forget when Ben tried to snag an Oscar for his stirring portrayal of STAINS The Dog (Dlisted’s Hot Slut of The Year, 2009) during that press conference with Superman. If Ben still loved The Batman, he would have gotten the Bat Signal tattooed on his back instead of a fire turkey.
Looks like the people over at DC were inspired by their latest Batman, Ben Affleck, much more than anyone first thought. Not really by his performance of Batman itself, but by the performance of his dick somewhere else. Does art imitate life or life imitate art? Who knows.
Vice is reporting that in the first of a three-issue miniseries called Damned, our favorite extremely rich and broody super hero Batman, shows us his tool, and not one from around his belt, honey. That’s right: Batman shows dick, and we aren’t talking Grayson. The NSFW (Is comic book dick NSFW?) is after the cut, and like Batman, Batdick is moody as hell and lurks in the shadows.
The Superman suit isn’t the only spandex superhero costume that Warner Bros. might have to think about filling with a new actor. Rumors that Ben Affleck is done playing Batman have been circulating for over a year now, and Warner Bros. has never commented on that. If Warner Bros. is thinking of replacing Ben, Jon Hamm is up for it.
We all know by now that Ben Affleck’s once-shiny dreams of playing Batman have turned into a nightmare. Little by little by little, Ben’s unenthusiastic involvement with a standalone Batman film has shrunk to an awkward situation. Not even his brother can see Ben wrapping his bloated muscles in black rubber anymore. So it might be time to find a new Batman, and apparently the first name on the list of possible Affleck replacements is Jake Gyllenhaal.
An official decision regarding Ben’s future as Batman hasn’t been made, but according to Campea (via Screen Rant), The Batman director Matt Reeves wants it to be Jake. A source adds that Jake has taken a meeting with Matt Reeves not long ago.
This isn’t the first time Jake Gyllenhaal has been rumored to play Batman. More than a decade ago, Jake was reportedly considered by Christopher Nolan to play Batman in Batman Begins (the role of course went to Christian Bale). Jake was also rumored to replace Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man, which obviously never panned out. But it seems like he’s really interested in playing superheroes, so this might end up happening.
Screen Rant notes that if Jake does replace Ben, then this will possibly be another reboot of the franchise. That’s the only way they could explain that switch-up; because it sure as hell won’t look like it takes place in the same universe. I don’t know how they could possibly explain why Batman went from a grizzled 45-year-old dude who looks like he’s one soft chair away from a nap to a cute-faced 36-year-old whose favorite activity is cuddling and blushes if you compliment his hair.
Problematic Oscar-winner Casey Affleck claims that his big brother, Maine liquor store connoisseur Ben Affleck, will not be playing a probably hungover-looking Batman in a planned DC Comics Universe solo movie. He said this during a radio appearance yesterday, here in Affleck Land – Boston! I’m not sure why Casey didn’t let me know he was in town. He IS my enemy of old and we’re due for a rematch. I’ll explain in the last paragraph. Continue reading