When Ben Affleck made it clear that he’s not going to be Batman again, a rumor sprang up that we were going to get a smug pretty boy hunk Batman in the form of Armie Hammer. That proved to be untrue. But during the conversation about Armie Hammer, it came up that the next Batman, appearing in the upcoming The Batman, would most likely be played by a younger actor. And then it was rumored back in February that Robert Pattison will scowl and grunt at villains through that cheap rubber mask. And now, according to several sources, that’s going to happen.
There have been many famous Batmen over the years. Some more famous than others and some considered better for the job than others. Of course there are contemporaries, like Christian Bale and Ben Affleck, but there were also OG Batmen like Lewis Wilson and Adam West. In the 90s, a rising George Clooney played Batman in Batman & Robin during a high-point in his career and it led to him becoming known as the worst one ever. That is, until Ben Affleck took the heat off of him as he became loathed for his role in the most recent Justice League and Batman V. Superman movies. But the ultimate gag is: George told Ben not to do it. Should have listened, but I mean–a paycheck is a paycheck.
Poor Armie Hammer just can’t seem to catch a break (outside of being born rich, blond, and beautiful). It was recently reported that he was in “final talks” to play the role he was practically born to play, a billionaire scion with an impressive collection of rubber suits. The comic book fansite, Revenge of The Fans, reported that Armie was as good as cast as The Batman, taking over for Ben Affleck in the upcoming Matt Reeves reboot. However, faster than you can shout “eat that peach bitch!”, The Wrap pumped the brakes and announced that nothing has been decided yet, and that at 32, Armie is probably too old. I mean, I get how Ben’s 46-year-old dad-bod Batman left room for improvement, but 32 isn’t that old. For a dude. Are they (fingers crossed!) doing a Muppet Babies version or something?
The Batman is dead. Long live The Batman. Ben Affleck can stop patching up his batsuit with Fix a Flat and exhale, because he won’t be returning as The Batman in the upcoming Matt Reeves helmed standalone movie of the same name. This should surprise nobody since Ben’s sloppy brother Casey Affleck already kinda-sorta spilled the beans all down the front of his lumberjack flannel. Also, we could all tell that Ben’s heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’ll never forget when Ben tried to snag an Oscar for his stirring portrayal of STAINS The Dog (Dlisted’s Hot Slut of The Year, 2009) during that press conference with Superman. If Ben still loved The Batman, he would have gotten the Bat Signal tattooed on his back instead of a fire turkey.
Looks like the people over at DC were inspired by their latest Batman, Ben Affleck, much more than anyone first thought. Not really by his performance of Batman itself, but by the performance of his dick somewhere else. Does art imitate life or life imitate art? Who knows.
Vice is reporting that in the first of a three-issue miniseries called Damned, our favorite extremely rich and broody super hero Batman, shows us his tool, and not one from around his belt, honey. That’s right: Batman shows dick, and we aren’t talking Grayson. The NSFW (Is comic book dick NSFW?) is after the cut, and like Batman, Batdick is moody as hell and lurks in the shadows.
The Superman suit isn’t the only spandex superhero costume that Warner Bros. might have to think about filling with a new actor. Rumors that Ben Affleck is done playing Batman have been circulating for over a year now, and Warner Bros. has never commented on that. If Warner Bros. is thinking of replacing Ben, Jon Hamm is up for it.