I was going to put money on Lindsay Lohan being found in a seedy motel at the age of 95 when her time came, surrounded by cigarette butts and with so much coke on her face it looks like Johnny Knoxville high-fived it, but if Paris Hilton gets her way, Lindsay will be found with a stiletto in her back the size of a Greenpeace boat much sooner. Last night, Paris’s brother Barron posted a pic of his busted face following the beat down allegedly orchestrated by Lindsay and possibly carried out by a dude named Ray Lemoine. Paris posted a comment vowing payback.
Oooh, nobody fucks with a Hilton! (“We wish”- The Center For Disease Control, Herpes Division.) Normally, I wouldn’t side with Paris on anything, but if she can get some form of punishment to stick to Lindsay’s Teflon-coated no-ass, I’d at least acknowledge that she was able to succeed where the California justice system has failed 937 times.
While Paris lounges in Miami with Brandon Davis, flipping through her 2005 “Bitches Who Had My Back” scrapbook for allies, Lindsay posted a picture of herself on Instagram using the hashtags “#honestfunandfriends” and “(good people) and no more bad folk” but deleted it within half an hour. Bitch should go on the road and do stand up talking about that shit because she wouldn’t know honesty if it showed her the money beforehand!
File this under: a story that will make you all warm and nostalgic for the glory days of 2005.
TMZ says that at a party in Miami last night, Lindsay Lohan thought she was a Crackhead Don or some shit when she made one of her friends whoop Barron Hilton’s ass. Barron told police that someone at the party told LiLo that he was talking shit about her. LiLo got in his face and said, “You talk shit about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get,” before one of her friends allegedly took his face to Beat Town. Barron says that LiLo laughed the entire time and egged her friend on. LiLo and her friend both got out of there before the cops showed up.
Barron told the cops that he has no idea who beat him up, but he knows that LiLo was the mastermind behind it. LiLo denies having anything to do with the fight, but TMZ has video of Barron’s friends confronting her about it. Because Michael Lohan is permanently attached to LiLo’s anus and knows everything, he told TMZ that she left the party before the fight started. Michael claims that even two security guards at the party will back her story up.
Finally, the Hilton vs. Lohan blood battle is back on! Everyone put on your head-to-toe Hazmat suit, because Lohan and Hilton fluids are about to fly. This story would really be a priceless jewel from the past if TMZ also reported that as this fight went down Parasite Hilton was in a corner booth using her hook nose to scoop up a bump of coke from the table while Fat Elvis yelled at the air. Those were the days.