Kim Kardashian’s second best non-family friend (her first goes by the name Doctor-something) Jonathan Cheban has managed to get his little side-project some attention. Last year, Jonathan tried to re-brand himself as more than just the guy who follows the Kardashians around. He called himself Food God (stylized as the much more insufferable foodgōd) and appointed himself as the deity of acting like a snob at restaurants. All of Jonathan’s social media handles are @foodgod, and he’s decided to commit even more to his douchey moniker.
It’s really, really time for Candy Finnigan of Intervention to gather all of Hollywood’s loved ones in the room of an economy hotel, and lead them in begging Hollywood to finally put down the crack pipe and get some help! Because they’ve gone too far when they start thinking about making Kristen Stewart a fucking Charlie’s Angel!
Personally, I’d need all the booze I could get my hands if I knew there was a chance I’d be seen in public with the Kartrashians. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying I understand.
TMZ says that Lamar Odom, seen above with what is still technically his wife, Khloe Kardashian, prepared for the Kardashian Family’s annual Easter Sunday pap stroll by going to a bar. According to staff, Lamar showed up at an Irish pub shortly before midnight on Saturday night with two friends, ordered three drinks, and left around 1am on Sunday. Unless the Kardashians go to some special mid-afternoon Easter service that caters to those who need at least 7 hours of makeup and hair work before they praise the risen spirit, that would place Lamar’s trip to the bar roughly 9 hours before he strolled into church.
TMZ has some pictures of Lamar at the bar, and as you can see, he’s wearing the same hoodie he wore to church later that morning.
Drinking before church is practically a requirement for some (raises hand). But since it’s barely been six months since Lamar was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel, drinking before anything might not be so great of an idea.
And it might not have been a one-time thing to help him mentally prepare himself in the event Satan’s succubi step into God’s house and burst into flames. Sources tell TMZ that Lamar thinks he’s healthy enough to be casually drinking with friends, and that one of the reasons he went to church that morning was to prove to Khloe that he can function after a night of boozing. They also claim that Khloe is super bummed out that Lamar is falling back into his old ways. To show you that she’s really bummed out, Khloe hopped on Twitter earlier today and tweeted: “I hate this feeling…. Helpless.” Then Kris Jenner patted her on the head and praised her for finding a way to get a lil’ attention from all of this.
I know it’s just a coincidence, but I like to think that the “Errr…really?” faces being made by everyone above is a direct reaction to this news.
Because Mickey Mouse gets a major cartoon boner for making money, The Hollywood Reporter says that Disney has officially made plans for a currently-untitled fifth Indiana Jones film. Steven Spielberg has signed on to direct it and Harrison Ford will be back to play Indiana Jones. No word on who else is involved, but I’m really hoping Kate Capshaw throws a perm into those blunt bangs and returns as that jewelry-covered showgirl Willie Scott.
I spent the majority of 2008 letting The Pussycat Dolls’ Doll Domination assassinate my brain cells, so I had a hard time remembering much about the last Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If you asked me to describe it, I’d probably mumble something about Shia LaBeouf’s low-budget Brando impersonation and Cate Blanchett looking like a Soviet spy Johnny Ramone. But the Internet tells me it made almost $787 million dollars, so that’s probably as good a reason as any for why you should make another one so long after the franchise started.
THR says that this latest Indy movie is scheduled to be released on July 19, 2019. At least that’s the plan so long as Harrison Ford doesn’t die before then. And no, that’s not a “Harrison Ford is old” joke. That a “Harrison Ford keeps almost-dying” joke. But really, I doubt Disney has to worry; if 73-year-old Harrison Ford is able to survive a hydraulic door coming for his ass, he can survive anything. Speaking of, here’s fearless grandpa Harrison Ford strolling the streets of New York City last week.
Pics: Paramount Pictures, Splash
Over three years ago, the first pictures of Zoe Saldana filming the Nina Simone biopic came out and some people’s eyeballs are probably still recovering from the hard side-eye they threw at that mess. Zoe’s skin was painted darker and she was wearing the fake nose that Nicole Kidman wear in The Hours. To quote my mom when a 10-year-old me came out of my room wearing a Body Glove tank top and shiny biker shorts under jean cut-offs: “That’s not a good look.” She actually said, “Why are you wearing my cut-offs?“, but that didn’t really work with this post.
Nina Simone’s daughter, Simone (born name: Lisa Celeste Stroud), gave a thumbs down to everything about the movie. Simone gave a thumbs down to the biopic itself, because the director Cynthia Mort never asked any of Nina’s family members to participate in it. Simone also gave a thumbs down to the casting of Zoe Saldana as her mother. That movie got bad press before it even finished filming. That happened 3 years ago. I figured that the studio was like, “Err, what Nina Simone biopic? We don’t know what you’re talking about,” before throwing a sheet over the copies of it collecting dust on a shelf. But nope, it’s actually going to be released.
A trailer came out today and well…. David Oyelowo looks hot in it.
UPDATE: I think it’s safe to say that whoever runs Nina Simone’s official Twitter account is not going to buy a ticket to see that movie.
.@zoesaldana Cool story but please take Nina's name out your mouth. For the rest of your life.
— Nina Simone (@NinaSimoneMusic) March 3, 2016
And I’m sure he’s still pitching it to anyone with $10 and a camera, because Daddy Knowles is persistent. Also because he has a lot of time on his hands and could use the cash. But let’s go back to 2013, when he was still pitching it to people who mattered. So, more Sony hacked emails have been released, and according to The Daily Beast, there’s one from Screen Gems’ Clint Culpepper to Amy Pascal regarding a pitch by Mathew Knowles about a possible Destiny’s Child biopic. Back in December of 2013, Beyonce’s Dad contacted Sony executives with the idea, and it sounds like they were interested. DUH! Of course they were interested. You could make a 3-hour silent movie about Beyonce brushing her hair called Beyonce Brushes Her Hair and it would gross $9.6 billion.
Also included in the email leak was talk about another Spider-Man reboot, and a feature film starring Kanye West. That last one doesn’t sound like a terrible idea, because Kanye West is a great actor. Did you see him in the wedding episode of KUWTK? He stayed in character the whole time (his character being a man who isn’t totally ashamed to be marrying into that awful family).
Unfortunately, it sounds like Sony never really took it past the ‘interested’ stage, which means there’s a good chance Daddy Knowles packed up his Destiny’s Child biopic and pitched it elsewhere. But that’s not to say there won’t ever be a biopic titled Say My Name: The Story of BEYONCE!!!!!! and the Other Ones. The Daily Beast says that Destiny’s Child has been given the low-budget Lifetime treatment and it will air sometime in February 2015. No word on whether or not Daddy Knowles had anything to do with it.
But if Daddy Knowles is still pitching that Destiny’s Child, then he’s wasting his time. Doesn’t he realize that Beyonce has already made the greatest movie about Beyonce?