The second human that Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are now in charge of came into the world on Wednesday and ever since then, their 2-year-old daughter Wyatt Isabelle has probably been thinking to herself, “I hope they give that baby a worse name than me, I hope they give that baby a worse name than me.”
Mila birthed out a boy and I was hoping that they’d name him Earp. But KuKu didn’t do that and instead, they paid tribute to Dimitri Marick from All My Children and Amber Portwood from Teen Mom by naming him Dimitri Portwood! The baby name news was dropped on Ashton Kutcher’s site A Plus today:
Today, A Plus is happy to announce that Dimitri Portwood Kutcher was born at 1:21 a.m. on November 30, weighing 8 pounds and 15 ounces. Dimitri is the couple’s second child, after having their daughter Wyatt in October of 2014.
Mila was born in Ukraine and speaks fluent Russian (see: that hot video of Mila bitching out a reporter in Russian), so that explains the name Dimitri. But Demi Moore is probably looking at that name and thinking that it’s Ashton’s way of letting her know that he hasn’t let go!!!
Dimitri Portwood sounds like the name of an 80s soap opera character whose mother is a Russian socialite and whose father is a Texas oil mogul, so I love it! But poor Wyatt Isabelle didn’t get a glamorous 80s soap opera name. Somebody pass her name-changing papers so she can change her name to Ekaterina Carrington.
And here’s a stage 10 knocked up Mila in L.A. just a day before she gave birth.
Pics: Splash, ABC Daytime
I might need to book an appointment with a memory specialist, because I could have sworn I had just written about Kelsey Grammer’s sixth kid. But that was two years ago, and in that time, one of Fraiser’s 61-year-old sperms got up into his 36-year-old wife Kayte Grammer’s business and successfully knocked her up. Kelsey’s rep confirmed to Entertainment Tonight that their third child (and his seventh) was born on Monday. If only we were all lucky enough to hear Kelsey Grammer’s liquid Xanax voice when we emerged from the womb.
Kelsey’s latest kid is a 7lb boy named Auden James Ellis Grammer. ET says Auden James Ellis, who will go by James, was named after poet W.H. Auden, James Taylor, and Kayte’s great-grandfather. Kelsey’s rep says they’re all “doing great.” Baby James Grammer joins a 4-year-old sister Faith, a 2-year-old brother Kelsey Jr., and four half-brothers and sisters ranging in age from 33 to 12.
I know actors aren’t the characters they play, but damn if Kelsey Grammer isn’t turning out to be the exact opposite of Dr. Frasier Crane. If I had to picture Frasier at 61, the remainder of his hair would start falling out after watching his grown son Frederick spill vape refill liquid all over his acacia wood coffee table. Meanwhile, Kelsey at 61 is elbow-deep in diapers and Baby Mum-Mum rice crackers. Kelsey loves being a dad so much. I bet he wears those hemmed jean shorts from Costco and white New Balances and dreams of trading in his Mercedes C-Class for a teal-colored Dodge Caravan. Frasier Crane would be truly horrified.
Good news for the set dressers and prop department people on Scandal today: you no longer have to worry about coming up with hilariously bad ways to hide Olivia Pope’s pregnants stomach. E! News says that Kerry Washington has given birth to her second child with her retired football-playing husband Nnamdi Asomugha.
Just like the first time she gave birth and the time she got married, Kerry kept the birth of her second baby a bit of a secret. Kerry and Nnamdi have a 2-year-old daughter Isabelle Amarachi. E! says they welcomed a son on October 5th. Kerry’s been very private about her personal life, so we probably won’t ever see Kerry posing with her new baby working a “I Love My Auntie Shonda” onesie in the pages of People.
The only other information E! knows about Kerry and Nnamdi’s new baby is that they named him Caleb Kelechi. I can already see the die-hard Kerry Washington/Tony Goldwyn secret relationship conspiracy theorists working overtime to prove the real paternity of Baby Caleb. “If you erase part of the G to make it a C, change the o to an a, reverse the lower-case d, and throw in some letters from Kerry’s first name…oh my god, Caleb! I knew it, it’s totally his.”
UsWeekly says that Adam Levine’s model wife Behati Prinsloo finally gave birth to their baby yesterday in California. UsWeekly doesn’t have many details. Like there’s no word on whether or not Baby Levine came out with a couple random tattoos that it got in the womb while it was waiting to be born (it does have its daddy’s DNA after all). Neither Adam nor Behati have confirmed they had a kid by Instagramming a picture of Baby Levine holding Behati’s finger or tweeting a shout-out to the baby wipe brand who dropped off the most cases of product. “Big ups 2 @Pampers for their mad poop-removal skills!”
To some, Alexa and Carlos PenaVega are known as “WHO?” and “WHO?” To others, they’re known as the little girl from Spy Kids and the dude from that Nickelodeon boy band who competed against each other on Dancing with the Has-Beens. But now, they should only be known as the messes who came up with a baby name that is filled with more WTF than the name that serial jacked-up baby name-giver Jamie Oliver gave to his latest child.
When Hugh Hefner’s former denture scrubber Holly Madison announced that she had finally given birth to her second baby, all I wanted to know was what she named him. He could have blasted out of her uterus screaming “Panama” by Van Halen, or cut his own umbilical cord by shooting lasers out of his tiny baby eyes, and I’d still only care about his name. Holly and her husband Pasquale Rotella named their three-year-old daughter Rainbow Aurora. I crossed my fingers for another name that sounded like a brand of holographic vinyl car wraps. Well, it’s not as bonkers as I was hoping for, but it’s pretty good.