Category: Baby Names

Eddie Murphy Is A Father For The Tenth Time

December 4, 2018 / Posted by:

According to Page Six, 57-year-old Eddie Murphy and his 39-year-old fiancée Paige Butcher are now the parents of a son named Max Charles Murphy. Eddie’s rep confirmed the news to Page Six, saying that Max was born last Friday, and weighed in at 6 pounds, 11 ounces. His rep adds that “both mother and son are doing well.” Max’s middle name is a tribute to Eddie’s extremely funny late brother, Charlie Murphy, who passed away in 2017 after a battle with leukemia. I like to think Prince just congratulated Charlie in Heaven with a complimentary post-game pancake breakfast.

Eddie and Paige share a 2-year-old daughter named Izzy. As mentioned, Eddie has eight other kids ranging from the ages of 29 to 11, from four different relationships.

When it was announced earlier this year that Eddie Murphy had joined the cast of a sequel to the 1988 movie Twins, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, called Triplets, I thought “Who needs this?” Well, Eddie Murphy does, that’s who. He’s now got ten kids, and ten kids don’t come cheap. Between designer diapers and gold-plated hoverboards and whatever they do instead of college (aspiring Instagram influencer?), being the famous father of nearly a dozen DNA connections requires a mountain of shamefully-earned cash. Even Shrek money is bound to look like cup holder spare change when you enter the double-digits of celebrity spawning.

Pic: Wenn.com

Kat Von D Gave Birth To Her First Child

December 3, 2018 / Posted by:

Before her son was even born, Kat Von D made two things very clear to the general public. One, that his name would be Leafar. Two, that she was the goth version of moms selling MLM oils on Facebook by announcing she was having a drug-free birth, and swearing that her vegan son would never be touched by toxic vaccines. Actually, that is pretty goth; you’re not totally committed to the goth life until you start actively bringing back old-time illnesses that could result in rigor mortis. That was several months ago, and Kat finally gave birth to her son. Kat made the announcement on Instagram yesterday with a picture of her new baby and her husband, Leafar Seyer.

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Cardi B Gave Birth To A Baby Girl

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

After much initial secrecy, a dramatic live TV pregnancy reveal, and a half-naked Rolling Stone cover, the day has finally come. Cardi B and her not-so-secret husband Offset are parents of a baby girl. TMZ says it happened last night at an Atlanta, Georgia hospital. They don’t say what the birth was like, so it’s up to me to interpret what happened. And of course I’m picturing the hospital halls being filled with the sounds Cardi busting out some Lamaze-style breathing techniques mixed with vocal trills, while Offset shouts random ad-libs like “Baby,” “Crowning,” and “That’s a lotta goo.

This is 25-year-old Cardi’s first child, while 26-year-old Offset also has two sons, Jordan and Kody, and a daughter Kalea from previous relationships. Cardi confirmed the news herself on Instagram with picture from what appears to be Beyoncé’s pregnancy photo shoot (minus the clothing budget), and let everyone know the baby’s birth date and the baby’s name. Please welcome to the world, little Kulture Kiari Cephus.

Kulture Kiari Cephus 07/10/18?? @offsetyrn

A post shared by Cardi B Official IG (@iamcardib) on

To decode that name a little, Kiari is is Offset’s first name and Cephus is his last name (Kiari Kendrell Cephus). Kulture is…who even knows. It could be Cardi’s way of paying homage to Offset’s rap group Migos, whose second and third album were titled Culture and Culture II. Or maybe it’s not even pronounced like culture, but Koal-tyure, like couture. Nope, it’s probably just straight-up Kulture. Whatever the reason or pronunciation behind it, you know the Kardashians are mad as hell and have already spoken to their lawyers. There goes the perfect name for a yogurt brand launch, and just think of the tasteless, semen-y looking ad campaign that could have been.

Pic: Instagram

Eva Longoria Has Given Birth To A Boy

June 20, 2018 / Posted by:

It seems like with some pregnant celebrities after they give birth, you think, “Huh? Didn’t they just get knocked up?Eva Longoria is not that type of pregnant celebrity. Every time I saw a picture of her, she looked like she was about to hit up Home Depot to see what kind of steel supports it would take to stabilize her lower back. She doesn’t have to worry about that anymore, because at long last, 43-year-old Eva has given birth.

According to People, Eva’s 6-pound baby son was born yesterday at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. This is the first baby for Eva, and the fourth child for her husband of two years, 50-year-old José “Pepe” Bastón (he has three children from a previous marriage). They confirmed the news by releasing the first picture of their new baby Santiago Enrique Bastón to HOLA! USA. On the same day she gave birth? Don’t ever doubt the work ethic of Eva’s publicist.

Santiago was born just five days after Eva said goodbye to her 15-year-old first baby, her dog Jinxy. I never thought Eva would honor the memory of her doggy by naming her new son Jinxy, if only because I’m pretty sure a name like that pigeonholes you into a life of clip-in hair sales. And Eva already has the biggest clip-in hair expert in her life.

Here’s some more of Eva just three days before she gave birth.

Pics: Wenn.com

Well, I Guess We Know Who Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Favorite One Direction Member Is….

April 27, 2018 / Posted by:

There was talk that the name of Prince William and Duchess Kate’s third child was accidentally revealed by a glitch on the royal website. That talk came from The Daily Mail. The name that was accidentally revealed was “Albert,” as in PRINCE ALBERT. I pictured Prince Hot Ginge and THE QUEEN whispering to each other, “Do you think we should tell those bland squares what a Prince Albert is or just let them name their son after a dick piercing and a messy bareback slut prince?“, before cackling and doing another gin shot. But I guess what really happened is that Prince George took crash courses in coding on DeVry University online and decided to mess with the media by “accidentally” revealing his brother’s name on the royal website. Because Prince William and Duchess Kate announced the name of their 4-day-old baby and it’s not Prince Albert.

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