Move Over, Blake Lively! Here Comes Tito Ortiz’s Peen!

You can finally change your screensaver from that picture of Not Blake Lively’s nipples to a naked picture of a true superstar! Tito Ortiz (aka Baby Huey) is crying HACKED after a picture of his goods mysteriously ended up on his Twitter page. Bitch got Weinered!

At least the hacker was nice enough to run the picture through Photoshop and make his “look at all the shiny lights” smile extra purdy. I’m sure you’re screaming at me to get to the good shit already, so if you want to see the peen that causes an extra loud echo in Jenna Jameson’s chocha, (NSFW, duh) click here or here!

And you know what, I wouldn’t shoo that dick away with a stick. It gets 4 out of 5 Jenna moantones.

Woe Is Jenna Jameson, Part II

When it rains it pours for Jenna Jameson. Specifically, it rained baby barf all over her last night. Just a few days after Jenna Jameson’s husband Baby Huey got arrested for allegedly getting violent on her ass, she was taken to the hospital via ambulance after one of her twin sons started spewing the insides of his stomach all over the place. You would think that Jenna is used to being sprayed…Okay, I’ll stop!

Jenna tells TMZ that her son Journey started projectile vomiting at 11 at night. Jenna was home by herself, so she decided to call 911. The paramedics shuffled Jenna and her son off to the hospital, where Journey was given fluids before going home a couple of hours later. The doctors told Jenna her son probably has the stomach flu.

Hm. While the doctors think her son’s vom party was a direct result of him having the flu, I think it was the exact moment he realized his name is fucking JOURNEY. Dude just couldn’t hold on to that feeling.

Jenna Jameson And Baby Huey Call The Whole Thing Off

If you stopped caring about this story two snaps after it broke, just focus on Apollonia’s bodacious titty area in the picture above.

Jenna Jameson and her husband Tito Ortiz have backed away from the allegations they both made on Monday. Jenna claimed she suffered two torn ligaments after Baby Huey tossed her into a tub. Baby Huey claimed Jenna was cracked out on OxyContin at the time. Well, now lawyers for both sides have labeled it a “misunderstanding.”

Jenna says: “What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.”

Baby Huey is now saying that he should’ve never accused Jenna of being high on OxyContin. He jumped to conclusions after finding two pills in the house.

A source tells TMZ that Baby Huey would’ve lost his UFC contract worth millions of dollars if he was charged with domestic abuse.

Baby Huey and Jenna can kindly take their bows now and exit stage left. CURTAIN DOWN. Then they need to use some of their millions to buy a handful of clues. Shit, while they’re at it, they should buy me one too. Obviously, I need one since I’ve been posting about them over and over again during the past few days. Wait, can I trade my clue in for those two OxyContin pills?

Jenna Jameson Says She’s OxyContin Free

In order to shoot down the accusation from Tito Ortiz that she’s slobbering at the mouth for OxyContin, Jenna Jameson got drug tested at the American Toxicology Inc. in Las Vegas on Tuesday. TMZ says that Jenna’s pee pee (that’s the exact medical term, by the way) tested negative for Oxycodone, cocaine, marijuana and meth. Jenna says that this proves Tito is making up lies to protect himself.

Shortly after Baby Huey was arrested for allegedly throwing Jenna into a bath tub, he claimed she was hopped up on OxyContin. Baby Huey denied he got violent on her ass and tried to make it sound like she stumbled into the tub on her own.

Jenna’s lawyer said this after the test results came back negative: “The lab tests clearly exonerate Jenna Jameson of any hint, iota, or suggestion that she ingested or was under the influence of any opiates or controlled substances. Statements made by anyone to the contrary are completely impeached by the results from this prestigious testing facility.”

I’ve been throwing a “who to believe” side-eye at this entire situation, but Jenna’s lawyer has convinced me to go sit in her corner. Just drop the word “prestigious” and I’m all yours. Although, I wish he would’ve used the word “prestidigiousous” instead. “Prestidigiousous” is the word one of my chola cousins uses to describe something she thinks is real nice. Example: “Damn, those white tips are prestidigiousous.”

I’m not making this up. Everyone knows “prestidigiousous” is way more prestigious than “prestigious.”

He Said, She Said

After Tito Ortiz was arrested for allegedly whooping Jenna Jameson’s ass, she brought her twin boys outside to talk to the media about the incident. If it was me, I would be inside watching the last 45-minutes of What’s Love Got To Do With It for inspiration, but Jenna does things differently I guess.

Jenna said that Baby Huey tossed her into the bath tub after she said something “very hurtful to his ego.” Jenna suffered two tore up ligaments in her shoulder. Jenna left for Las Vegas yesterday to get away from his ass.

After Baby Huey was released on bail, he held a press conference with his lawyer to give his side of the story. Baby Huey swears he never put his hands on Jenna. He says that she’s a longtime OxyContinhead who had a relapse yesterday. Baby Huey’s lawyer said:

“Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse. Tito was trying to help her, she has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children.

When you’re dealing with people on OxyContin they don’t always have the best sense of balance. Jenna and Tito have two children together, they planned on spending the rest of their lives together. They want nothing more than to work together on this.”

Jenna denies she’s thirsty for OxyContin and said Baby Huey’s accusation is the “last nail in the coffin.”

What I want to know is what did Jenna say to Baby Huey? Did she tell him that when he fucks her it feels like he’s throwing a flea’s leg down an airport hangar? Did she tell him that he’s as hung as her belly button? Did she tell him that his jizz load smells like foie gras? This is what we need to know.

In the meantime, here’s some pictures of Jenna, her father, her twinsies and their hot nanny hanging outside her house yesterday. Since Jenna has been through some shit, I will refrain from talking about how she looks like Muffy from Antz after getting the Wildenstein Special.