Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have been moving fast. On May 10th, we learned that Ariana and Mac Miller were over. A week later we learned that she and Saturday Night Live’s most awkward cast member were a thing. Less than a month in, and Pete’s already got multiple tattoo tributes to Ariana, and she maybe got one in honor of Pete. I was expecting the next move to be an Us Weekly cover featuring a composite of Ariana and Pete in wedding gear with the headline “Pete-ing Her At The Altar?” Instead, they’re rocketing past marriage rumors and going straight for baby talk.
On Tuesday night, Pete posted a picture to Instagram of himself and actor Brian Tyree Henry with the caption, “I’m having his kids.”
According to E! News, Ariana was quick to pop in and comment, “I look so good here.” To which Pete responded by typing five drooling face emojis, which as we all know is millennial shorthand for, “I am stunned, astounded, and positively dumbfounded by your timeless beauty, my precious turtle dove.”
Ariana and Pete were obviously just joking, but who knows? If they’re committed enough for tattoos, maybe they’re committed enough to make a baby that would inevitably fall into the uncanny valley by looking exactly like both of them. And really, they’re old enough; Ariana turns 25 in a couple of weeks, Pete is 24. The only person who might be weirded out by it all would be the obstetrician assigned to Ariana Grande’s pregnancy. “I’ve heard of Tyco’s Mommy’s Having a Baby doll, but I’ve never seen one in person.”
And, no, that isn’t the baby in the photo above! That silly Mr. Bean (aka Rowan Atkinson) gets up to the craziest shit…and apparently that includes knocking up his 33-year-old girlfriend.
Rowan has been with actress Louise Ford for three years. The Telegraph reports she grew up south of London and went to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with the likes of Tom Hiddleston. No word on if she also tells insufferable acceptance speeches about how her craft is the one thing to bring a smile to those afflicted in war-torn nations, but it does appear she is a fertile turtle who is able to harvest Rowan’s Pepaw seed. The two met back in 2013 when they were both in a play, The Quartermaine’s Terms, in London.
I’m sure it was love at first monologue and all that artiste shit. It is reported the two are oh-so-delighted to be expecting a child, but I don’t know what’s so delightful about having to change smelly diapers when you should be coasting by on a life of senior citizen discounts down at Dairy Queen.
Interestingly, Rowan and his ex-wife Sunetra Sastry split in 2013. Those two have two kids, a 23-year-old son and a 21-year-old daughter, so I’m sure Christmas this year might get a little testy knowing Santa is going to divvy up his loot by three going forward.
Well butter my biscuit and call me a punk star: the strangest match in all of Hollywood might be trying to spawn. Entertainment Tonight reports that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani are more in love than ever and now they’re trying to make a country-ska heir or heiress. Some source said:
“They are very committed to one another and this is a forever thing. However, more important to them right now is having a baby together. Gwen would love nothing more than to give Blake his first child.”
Blake apparently “loves” Gwen’s kids, which obviously makes him think he could have his own. Or, with their combined The Voice checking account, they can at least afford a fleet of the finest nannies! Blake has been coy about having a baby, but he did tell ET that being a judge on the talent show has brought out his paternal instinct:
“I never thought in a million years when I signed on to do that show that I would ever be so defensive when it comes to reading a blog or critique about one of my artists. [In the] first season or two, I couldn’t help it. I would just lose my mind when I would see someone picking on a kid, you know.”
Gwen has three sons with ex-husband Gavin Rossdale: Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo. I’m kind of loving the idea of a Blake/Gwen mashup, since it will inevitably end up being a kid named Bubba who rocks a teal Mohawk and sleeveless CBGB T-shirt and likes to go quail huntin’ with his pappy in Oklahoma.
Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder have issued an apology for giving everybody the skeeves with their “ha ha Ian threw out my birth control pills” story they told on a recent episode of the Informed Pregnancy podcast . It seems not everybody thought Ian’s antics were adorable and quite a few accused him of reproductive coercion.